Polygamous Marriage Is A Scam-My Husband Treats Me Worse Than A Baby Mama-Pls Advise
I have struggled with posting my story for a long time. This is because I feel like people may not really understand how I feel. I also afraid of receiving criticism for my issues. My friend, convinced me to give this a trial. My story is that of love and heartbreak which I have never been able to move on from.
Six years ago, I was in a very happy relationship or so I thought. David (not real name) and I had met on a trip from Ibadan to Lagos. Our bus broke down and it was very late. I was so scared of what will happen if we did not get another transportation to complete our journey to Lagos.
David called his company bus who came and picked us all and helped all passengers down to Lagos. I collected his no to call him and thank him later. That was how we started friendship. David was a Software engineer in a top company and he was single at age 32. I was 26. He told me he was looking for a wife and maybe God made us meet that day.
All was fine until David thought it was time for me to meet his mother. The mother did not sound excited anytime I called. I thought it was me but after I called her several times, she would not pick, I started to suspect all was not well. Eight months after dating, David and I went to Ikorodu, to see his people in their family house.
Every was cordial with me but David’s mother. She clearly did not approve of me. She said her spirit did not agree with mine. I was worried but David told me to calm down. That he will talk to her. We left that day and anytime I tried to call or visit her, this woman will avoid me.
David had met my parents and everyone has given consent. I did everything to win David’s mother but she was still cold to me. I wanted to break up cos I told myself, I will not marry and have mother-inlaw issues. But David would never hear of it. He quarreled with his mother to accept his choice or forget about him.
That caused a big disagreement and the mother disowned him. I cried and begged this woman. Even her other children did not understand why she hated me so much. They tried to talk sense into her but she refused. That she cannot go against her spirit. Well, David carried on and did introduction without his mother.
We started planning our wedding. I found out I was pregnant so we decided to speed up wedding. When David’s mother heard about our wedding, she called my parents and abused the living day lights out of them. My parents were pretty shaken and they advised me not to go ahead with the wedding.
I told them I was pregnant but that did not change their mind because they had seen first hand how crazy my future mother inlaw would be. David reassured them again and again that I have nothing to worry …that he would make sure his mother accepts me or stay away from us.
Three weeks to our wedding, David and I had an accident and we were both lucky to be alive cos the car was beyond repair. They tried to save my baby but it was too late. I cried and cried and blamed David’s mother cos she was the only one who did not wish us well. Its like that opened her eyes…cos she started begging us to forgive her.
By this time, my father gave an order that I dare not marry David. I had no choice, much as David would have loved to marry me despite my father’s order ….I had seen enough, I will not enter such marriage even if his mother is begging. She has shown me the kind of woman she can be and that cannot be my future mother in-law.
We broke up. A very painful breakup. I could not be myself for over a month. That year, 2016 was a horrible year for me. But I told myself all was for my good. I have been single since then. I managed to date someone in 2018 to 2019 but it didn’t work out.
I heard the sad news of David’s mother’s passing in March of 2020. I sent David a text of condolences. He did not respond. I later found out that David got married that same year. I felt so sad but I tried to move on.
David and I crossed parts in July 2020. At my brother’s wedding. My brother had maintained contact with David after we broke up but I did not know. At the wedding, I caught David looking at me all through the ceremony. My parents were even happy to see him. Can you imagine…it was like I was the only one uncomfortable with him being there.
David called me after the wedding and the first thing he said was: he has not been able to sleep since he saw me at the wedding. That all he could think of was, if our child was alive, how handsome or beautiful they would be cos he could not stop staring at how beautiful I was. I reminded him that he was married but he said yes but his heart still beats for me.
I am not proud to say this but David and I have resumed seeing each other since that time even though he we both know that he is married. I have been feeling guilty cos of his wife but David swears he is not letting me go anymore. He told his wife about me and he said he wants a divorce but if she is not willing, he will be marrying me as a second wife.
David and I got married in December of 2020, traditionally, my parents had their reservations but David convinced them again and plus I got pregnant. I gave birth to our daughter six in March this year. When David’s wife realized the love me and David had, we started hearing that she was cheating on David. David told me several times that he saw messages from her lover. David did not mind because he wanted her to do whatever she liked. Now, this woman came and said she was pregnant in May this year.
David said he had not slept with her since we got together but this woman claimed David is still seeping with her. Now, she has gone to do scan and the scan says she is pregnant with a baby boy. The same David that said he did not sleep with her is now claiming the pregnancy.
I think its because its a baby boy. I am sad ma. David is still taking care of me, he rarely spends most times with us and that has made me worried. My fear is that one day, this woman might be considered the legitimate wife because she has court marriage certificate and is going to have a baby boy first for him. When I call David’s line, if he is with her, he will not pick up. I am getting jealous.
Plus, I am only married to David traditionally while that woman has court marriage certificate. I know I put myself in this situation but that was because David convinced me I was the one he loved more. Now, its looking like I allowed love to blind me and I have forced myself inside this situation. That woman, even though that baby may not be for my husband, has more advantage over me. I asked David for a court marriage too but he said its not allowed.
I feel insecure and heartbroken. Yes, traditional marriage is recognized but I am beginning to feel like an intruder in my marriage. I see David twice in a week, he spends more time with her cos he says she is pregnant and wants to be with her in case of emergency. I have asked David if he will do DNA text to make sure that woman’s baby is his, he looked at me with so much anger and said, never you ever utter such craziness in your life again.
Two weeks ago, I called David around 10pm cos my baby was running temperature. I called almost 15 times, David did not pick up. His wife picked up the call and said, please stop calling my husband when we are f*cking. I went dead. For the first time, I realize the magnitude of my situation. David belongs first to that woman. It is clear he tricked me into believing I am the one for him cos if I was truly the one, he should have divorced her.
I love David but does he love me enough? Why will he not pick up my call even if he is with his wife? So, what am I? second hand wife abi mistress. When David came to see me, I told him how angry I was with his behavior that night. Like why will he not pick up the call when it was an emergency? His daughter could have died.
Do you know David’s response? That he came for s*x, that I should stop nagging. That if I do not want to give him s*x, he will go to his wife and enjoy himself. He did not even show remorse or care. I felt so sad and used. I think I should start thinking of a way out. I am even afraid to tell my parents cos they will feel so sad.
After all David’s mother put me through…after all the begging, to break up with my former boyfriend and marry David as a second wife, is this the kind of treatment I deserve. The last thing I want is to be treated as a baby mama. I am a legitimate wife but if this is how things will be, what then do I stand to gain? I might as well be single.
I am so confused and frustrated. Please advise me.
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