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I Am Only A 23 Years Old Widow But The Whole World Is About To Crash On Me-Please Advise

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I Only A 23 Years Old Widow But The Whole World Is About To Crash On Me-Please Advise

Hello,

Please can my identity be hidden from this post? I am in an emotional state of confusion. My name is Jane (not real name). I am a 23 years old widow. I met my late husband four years ago in Medical school, he came for a seminar from US as a Consultant at our school. I was in my year four. I engaged him during the seminar and he took a liking to me especially when he found out I was from the same state as me, Akwa Ibom State.

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After the seminar, he went back and he became like my mentor. During one of our conversations, he told me he liked me and I liked him too, he wanted to marry me…Ii loved the idea of marrying a professor in medicine…being a doctor in training myself. I agreed and he came by the end of the year to meet my parents,pay the bride price and do a court wedding. The plan was for me to finish medical school and join him in US and we have our white wedding then.

Since then , our marriage has been a long distance one. Sometimes, he travels to Nigeria to see me twice or thrice in a year. I used to spend my holidays with his family in Uyo, his parents have a private hospital there, one of his brother is a medical doctor there while the other one works in a private company. His family are very fine people and nice. They took me as their own and love me too.

My husbands brother always loved having me around and we relate very much like they want to act like a protective brother to their brother’s wife. Last year, during the lock down, my husband got the virus in the US and even though we prayed and prayed, he died in April of Last year. It was so painful because his body could not even be brought home.

I was inconsolable and I tried my best to concentrate on schooling which was hard. My family and  inlaws were very supportive. They all rallied around me. I stayed alot with my mother in-law who kept wishing I got pregnant before her son passed so she could at least have someone to remember him by.

We had a service of songs for him here in Uyo and since then, I have been living with my in-laws. My mother in-law called me and spoke to me, that she loves me alot and she knows her late son also loved me. That she would love to keep having me as a daughter in-law. She asked me to consider marrying any of her sons as she sees we are very close as well.

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At first, I found her suggestion weird but I asked her how will that work out, what if none of the boys want to marry me. She then said she would talk to them. That anyone of them that agrees will be the one we can date and see how things go. I agreed. After speaking with them, she came and told me the older one, the one who works in their family business as a doctor is the one that is interested.

I was a little disappointed inside me cos the other brother was more attractive to me and I thought he was closer to me. But I agreed with the mother. But what I noticed was that after then, the doctor started taking serious interest in me while the younger brother seemed to just ignore me. He even stopped calling me or coming to the house.

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While I worked on my new relationship …I was also very worried that the younger brother seemed to cut off from me. I asked Smart (not real name),that is, the elder brother who has become my fiancé now. ..I asked him why his younger brother was acting weird and he said he does not know…that maybe he just wants to give me some space now that I am engaged to him. I found that strange.

I took it upon myself to go and see him at his apartment in town. When he saw me, he was very happy and I asked him why he was avoiding me. He said, I cannot tell his mother or brother what he was about to tell me: that when their mother asked both of them if they would be interested in marrying me to keep on their late brother’s legacy, that both of them said they both liked me and wanted to marry me.

That it led to confusion and argument on who will give up their interest for who. Both brother refused to give up and their mother decided that the older brother would marry me cos he is older. I was in shock cos if I was asked, I would have chosen the younger brother. I felt bad cos it appears Phil (not real name), the younger brother also has very strong feelings for me.

However, in other not to go against their mother, he decided to let his elder brother have his way …but he could not stand seeing me with him, that is why he left.  I wanted to go and confront Smart and his mother bit Phil said if I do, it will cause more problems. That the mother will not forgive him and might end up scattering everything…which might even mean, none of the brother end up marrying me.

Eventually I saw reason with him and agreed to let things be the way they are. But after my visit, trying to leave became very emotional. We ended up making out and making love. We have strong attraction. I felt very bad, both of us felt bad but we were not thinking of anything when we were kissing.

Phil made me promise that we will not see each other again in order to avoid trouble. That was what we agreed but I think we made a mistake by not deciding to tell the truth of how we both felt to our families cos we both kept having a secret affair. We just could not help it. I thought it was just s*x so I started sleeping with Smart too, maybe to get Phil off my mind but I ended up sleeping with both brothers.

You may see me as a bad person but I am not. I love Phil more than Smart but we both know that it will not work cos of his brother and his mother. We had to get married in February this year because I got pregnant. To be honest, I have no idea who the father of the child is: whether Smart or Phil. I suspect its for Phil but I dare not say. Phil stopped seeing me when I told him that I was pregnant in February. I told him the baby was for Smart. That broke his heart.

My baby is almost due, and I received a call from Phil, that he has not been himself since I got pregnant and married his brother But that I should be aware that he intends to carry out a DNA test after I give birth because he wants to be sure the baby is not his. I begged him and begged him not to do that cos I was sure the baby is not his but he said why am I so sure, when I was sleeping with him and his brother.

I have been begging him to forget all we had before and let us both focus on the future. Which ever way, the baby is still their blood. I am scared. I dont know how I landed in this kind of family mess. Phil says the only way for him to not do the DNA is for us to resume our secret love affair.

Right now, both options are not ok for me, its like I am between the devil and the deep blue sea. Either I let him do a DNA or I keep f*cking him …what should I do? I love Phil and I wish I was bold enough to say no to Smart and his mother right from the start. I have succeeded in coming in-between two brothers if Phil does not have his way. Please what should I do?

I contemplated confessing to Smart or his mother before things get out of hand and messier but I am also scared they will be so disappointed in me and throw me out of their family. This secret is putting so much pressure on me that its affecting my pregnancy. I am having high BP and panic attacks. I am really scared. I am 23 years old, widowed, not completed my medical school and pregnant for my husband’s brother.

It really feels like the weight of the whole world is on me and its about to crash. Please help me.

Anonymous

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I Am Only A 23 Years Old Widow But The Whole World Is About To Crash On Me-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. How I wished you had the courage to confess to the mother about your affection for the junior brother before you got married. It would have been better at that point even if the family will throw you out afterwards. Now that you are married, you said you are contemplating to tell them, which will also end same way. They will reject you outrightly and chase you away from the family as it is so humiliating and shameful to hear that you slept with two blood brothers especially while you were planning to marry one.

    You have entered the vicious cycle already and there’s only one solution which is still the solution above. You have to come clean and tell the elder brother the truth and then I am sure he will tell his mother immediately (if he couldn’t handle it) without you telling the mother by yourself.

    If you are to continue the marriage, the little brother will ruin it if you don’t let him do the DNA test. Even if you should allow him and whether the result was positive or negative, he will never let you go. He won’t let you know peace as his own mind will always be troubled that that affection and secret affair which existed between you two is still not exposed and so he will still be desiring to continue from where it stopped. He will always be emotional unstable when handling things concerning you and his older brother marital life. Your mind will always be troubled too due to emotions / lust for him and guilt over everything you have done, you won’t ever enjoy your marriage. Eventually one day you will fail, and you will continue sleeping uncontrollably with that little brother, till one day when your secret will get exposed and the whole family will know you have been a sl*t all this while. They won’t put too much focus on the little brother iniquities like the way they will embarrass you disgracefully. You will be used as the perfect scapegoat and at the end of the day, you will be thrown out of the family.

    Better come clean now before it gets deeper for you. If they should chase you away now, good for you. Don’t let your dirty white clothe to become totally black before you wash it cos at that point, it will even be more embarrassing. You are still young. At this point, you can still easily reset back your life to being a single mother and aspiring & working hard to become a successful medical doctor which will make you desirable again for marriage in the future.

    That will be better than going through divorce at age of 30+, thereby becoming a shameful widower with load of 2-4 children.

    Abeg run away from that family and brothers. You have ruined everything good there. I wish you all the best.

  2. You really messed up by sleeping with siblings. Very bad indeed. You should have spoken out at the beginning and told your mother-in-law who you are in love with and if you were not able to be with him, then you should have left that family. They’re not the only family on Earth, am sure you know that?
    Come out clean and confess to your husband. He might forgive you and allow you to stay, keeping the secret between both of you without telling the mother. He knows how to settle things between him and his younger brother.
    If on the hand he doesn’t forgive you and tells his family which might lead to you being kicked out of the family, well, it’s better NOW than later.
    You are still very young. You have a bright future ahead of you.
    Know your fate now that it’s still early.

  3. The did has been done,so allow him do the DNA test,it is for your own good too, atleast you will be sure of whose baby it is. Do not allow him have his way again. Calm down,so you don’t lose the pregnancy. Next time,you have to learn to make good choices, okay. After confirming whose baby it is,please tell your mother in-law first,she has to call her sons to order and tell them who owns the baby. If it is Phil,then he has to marry you ,that is,if he is still interested, but if not forget about him but I’m sure Smart will no longer continue with that marriage ooo,so it is up to you to decide on what to do cos you can’t continue fu—ing two brothers ooo,it is an abomination, serious one at that. They can allow you take care of your baby but you won’t be married to any of the brothers. You would have just moved on initially without involving yourself in this whole mess,afterall their mother did not force any of her sons on you. The owner of the child should provide for the child’s need then you can move on. It is well with you

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