HomeAdviceHow I Lost My Virginity After Three Years Of Engagement & Waiting

How I Lost My Virginity After Three Years Of Engagement & Waiting


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How I Lost My Virginity After Three Years Of Engagement & Waiting

Hello Admin,

I need your advice. I am feeling so sad and full of regret and I don’t know how to go about this. My name is Crystal (not real name). I am 27 years old. I have a fiancé, we been together for 3 years now. I have always wanted to travel abroad to further my studies and finally, I got the opportunity last year.

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My admission to study in the UK came and my fiancé wanted us to get married before I go but I told him we should stick to the plan, of getting married this year,2021. At least, so I can settle down and when things are ok, he too can come and join me.

So, he agreed but said we should seal our love by me allowing him to make love to me. I told him no, that I still want to wait until marriage before I have s*x. He asked me of I will still be keeping myself for him and I promised him that.

Being in the UK has come with its challenges. One of the challenges is accommodation is expensive. To save a little money, I decided to stay with a relative of mine who is also in the same nursing field as me. She let me stay with her for a while.

Everything was going fine until I started noticing my relative’s neighbor. We used to meet in the elevator and he would just smile and say hi. He was a Ghanaian immigrant. Not long after, we exchanged pleasantries and when he found out I was new in UK, he became friendly and offered to take me round to know places.

We became friendly and I told him all about me. He was surprised I had a fiancé back home who agreed to let me come abroad without feeling insecure. I was like, we both have a goal and a plan. What both of us did not plan was for us to begin to develop feelings.

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It became hard not to fall for Fred (the Ghanaian). Many times, he tried to kiss me but I resisted. I truly wanted to keep myself for my fiancé. To be fair, when Fred saw I was trying to be faithful to my fiancé, he left me but I could not stop thinking about him. Maybe its the way he looked at me, maybe it was how hot he is…maybe its the way he makes me melt by holding my face in his hands.

My fiancé is a great guy but I began to feel that maybe I made a mistake getting engaged and God wants to give me an opportunity to find someone that connects more with me. Fred is like a mini god…very handsome and very romantic. I was barely able to stay away from him for a few days. I showed at his door and I did not resist his kisses anymore.

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That day, I gave Fred my virginity: something I prided myself in keeping before marriage. I gave it up so easily. I was slept off my feet and any sense of morality that I had left in me. I experienced s*x with this gorgeous man. Fred was amazed I was a virgin. He said he has never been with a virgin and he said I was special.

After giving myself to Fred, I was convinced I was going to break up with my fiancé back in naija. When I told Fred of my intention to tell my fiancé back home it was over, he was over and said, marriage is a prison. I asked him why he said that and he told me he does not believe in marriage.

That everyone should be allowed the opportunity to love whoever they desire without marriage binding them. I was like, so you don’t believe in getting married, he laughed and said no way to marriage. He said he is bis8xual and he can love anyone he likes at any time of his life.

My entire being shook. I had given my most prized possession to someone who will never marry me…someone who is bis*ual. How stupid can I be? All the love feelings and butter fly feelings I had for him just disappeared. I cried like a foolish child for days into weeks.

Of course, I could not tell my man back home that I had being dis-virgined by someone I met less than 2 months ago when I have known him for 3 years. I hate myself and I told myself that I was not worthy of my fiancé. I narrated everything to my relative and she advised me not to tell my fiancé cos that would mean end of our relationship.

Now, my conscience is eating me up. I cannot stop thinking of my mistake and how I disappointed myself and my fiancé. I think I should end the relationship and focus on my education here. Its just my relative advising that I don’t break the relationship back home, that its good to have a backup plan by keeping my engagement but I feel its going to be on fair on him.

What do you think? Please advise him.


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How I Lost My Virginity After Three Years Of Engagement & Waiting
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Tell him and let him decide if he still wants to be with you. It will be totally unfair to him moreover he will still find out.
    Telling him may end your engagement but at least the weight will be lifted off your shoulders.

  2. So sorry for the loss of your precious virginity which is your pride. You have to let him know this minute, if he still wants you ,fine ,if he doesn’t, life continues. Atleast you have learnt your lesson,make sure you do not give someone else ooo,keep yourself and God will give you the best. God bless you

  3. You don’t deserve your fiancé. You never love in the first place. If Fred was not a bisexual you were going to breakup with him. Kindly move on with your life

  4. So sad, you kept giving Fred the time and even showed up @ his place cos you missed him..well the deed has been done.

    You fiancee was a good guy but maybe GOD wanted you to meet someone you connect more with, it’s too bad but you have to be positive so you don’t slide into unhappiness.

    You already had it in mind to break up with your fiancee, and even told Fred, I won’t say you didn’t love your fiancee, but the issue was you decided to be carried away by lust. Pls go do test, incase of any sexually transmitted infection or disease.

    But the thing I want to focus on is the fact that you already had it in mind to break up with you fiancee, if you can think well about it, DO YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR FIANCEE,

    I suggest you tell your fiancee all, even the intention you had of breaking up with him, honesty pays, but don’t let this issue weigh you down, you need to put yourself together and cheer up, the deed is done already. Tell him all and let him decide.

    Take care sister, cheer up.


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