HomeAdviceSeven Years After My Divorce-How Do I Move On?

Seven Years After My Divorce-How Do I Move On?


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Seven Years After My Divorce-How Do I Move On?

Hello ma,

I need your advise. I am 38 years old divorcee. I got married by tradition and court 15 years ago. We have four children. Our marriage was rocky one from the start. Maybe because I was so young and very naïve at the time. But my husband also was very stubborn. We quarreled over things like women, he also accused me of flirting with men. There was lack of communication and trust.

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My husband eventually filed for divorce. I was caught off guard cos I thought our marriage would last forever. I was praying and trusting God to help us. But he moved on, left our home and rented his own apartment. He kept telling everyone I was the biggest mistake of his life.

In all, he was a great dad to our children. He always provided for the physical needs but I was left to raise all four children emotionally by myself. For some reason, I still believed that there was hope for us to reconcile. Sometimes, after the divorce, maybe because he was still in love with me, we sometimes had s*x but he will tell me after that we are not coming back as a married couple.

This made me hope that if I can get him to seduce him, I can make him change his mind. That is how we got our fourth child. I did everything to get my marriage back, if I sometimes seduce him, he sleeps with me but he says over his dead body will he marry me again. Sometimes I wondered why he is so stubborn.

Its been 15 years now, same story. I am getting tired of this same situation. Five years ago, he moved in his girlfriend but we still manage to f*ck once in a while. His girlfriend is even aware that he still sleeps with me. Ma, my life cannot continue like this na.

That is why I decided to leave him since last year. I stopped praying and begging him. I focused on my business and my children. Sometime in January this year, I met someone, a divorcee too. He has just one child from his previous marriage and the child is with the mother.

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We started dating and he is a good man, loves me and treats me well. In-fact, he spoils my children. Since May this year, he has been asking for my hand in marriage. I have told him to wait because I do not want know if I am ready for marriage now. Yes, I want to marry but I have too be sure the marriage will last.

Yes, this man is nothing like my husband sha. He is gentle, sweet and kind. He does not argue with me, he is not stubborn. In-fact, since we started dating, I hold his ATM cards, one of his SUVs, he gave to me, he gives me between 300k to 500k every month. My family want me to marry him…

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The only problem is , I feel like if I marry now, what if there was a chance of reconciliation with my ex husband and by re-marrying, I close that chance. My ex is not re-married even after almost 7 years of divorce. I am afraid that remarrying will be another mistake.

The reason I am even scared more is because, I told my ex that I am dating, he laughed and said ok…but you know you will always belong to me? Even if you re-marry, you will be thinking of me when another man is f*cking you. I told him he too will always think of me when he is with other women and he admitted.

I realize then that I actually am hooked on my ex somehow s*xually. We both are. He said I am the best s*x he has ever had and he too is my best but why can’t we seem to work out marriage? He says we are both good in intimacy but our values to life is different. After talking, he pulled down my pant and had me right there to prove his point and I did not resist.

Now, I need to make up my mind. Should I say yes to this divorcee that wants to marry me? Maybe that will ease things for me. Yes, I may still have feelings for my ex but I feel if I do not replace him, I will never get him out of my head…at the same time, I am scared that will make matters worse.

Worse because if my ex tries to want to sleep with me….what if I cant still say no even after marriage? I am afraid…I want to let go of the past and move on but its not easy. I need your advise…how do I let go of my ex completely?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You are not afraid madam,you have just refused to say NO to some rubbish. Your ex is now in the past,he is your ex for crying out loud. It is either you marry the divorcée or you continue to be manipulated by your ex. Forget about that man and plan your life,and once you are married,you dare not,I mean you dare not go back to that ex of yours,if he had wanted you people to reconcile, he would have done that atleast because of his children but no,he didn’t,and for fifteen years you have been alone. Please give your life a meaning for once and stop this whole drama and intimacy about your ex biko,you are 38,so is either you want to get married or you remain single. I bound and cast every spirit of ex following you, amen. God bless you

  2. I will be sincere with you. You still love your ex, I beg you tell that divorcee man you are no longer interested, return his money back to him, pls return all to him, if you make the mistake of marrying thus divorcee, you will cheat, and you will be exactly like you husband and the divorcee will be in the situation you are in sending stories to blogs for advise, so you see the trend, he will regret being with you, so pls leave the divorcee man alone, I beg you in the name of GOD, so you won’t come back in the future to tell us your new husband is cheating when he found out you were still having sex with your ex husband. Pls make up with your husband, you guys need to pour out your hearts to each other, talk about those little things you both like, one thing people don’t know is the little things are the real deal, like kissing on the forehead, back massage, after coming from work, the spouse at home will huge the one entering, tell them I know you are tired can I give you a back massage, these things are important, we think its by going to Dubai, buying expensive things. Mrs, pls take this my advise, you and your husband still love each other, forget that divorcee, dont lead him along when you know you still love your husband, don’t deceive yourself like you said that if you will forget your husband if you marry this divorcee, no ma it will not work. Peace

  3. I don’t know what to say to you. Why are you like this? Why not get over it and move on. Your X is simply manipulating your emotions cos he knows you can be fucked easily and so he keeps coming back to you. It’s obvious you are not willing to remain stagnant maritally so my dear, ride on and don’t forget that you are just being used to relief stress by your X.


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