HomeAdviceMy Long Distance Marriage Is In Trouble Because I Was Feeling Lonely

My Long Distance Marriage Is In Trouble Because I Was Feeling Lonely


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My Long Distance Marriage Is In Trouble Because I Was Feeling Lonely

I am in a relationship quagmire. Please don’t judge me, I was unlucky in relationship, that is how I landed where I am now. For nine years, I was dating my ex boyfriend, I was loyal but he is an ass hole, he ended up lying to me and married someone he met for barely one year. That really broke my heart because I gave him so many years of my life.

One of my friends who is married to a German expatriate invited me to her house party where I met her husband and some of his friends. I was introduced to  one of her husband’s friends who took an interest in me. After the party, we went to a hotel and he told me he liked me and wants to have fun.

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Yes, he is married, his family is in Australia. But at age 34, I was tired of being lonely and cheated on by men so since this man treats me with so much love and care, we fell in love and he said he wanted to have a kid with me. I told him no because we are not married and I will not have a child out of wedlock. He then agreed and we had our traditional marriage.

I had a baby boy for him. Things were going fine but eight months after I gave birth, the company he was working for did not renew his contract, he had to go back to Australia. The plan was for him to get another expatriate job and try to come back to Nigeria. He is also trying to work his Nigerian passport for visit but since he returned, things have not worked out the way we planned.

Though he has been sending money for our upkeep and he bought a house for us, I feel lonely most of the time. I have ben praying to God to intervene and make things ok so he can return back to me and my son.

My friend told me she overheard a conversation with her husband and mine: that his Australian wife found out about me and has threatened to divorce him if he comes back to Nigeria. I confronted him, he denied it but its been three years since he left and I am beginning to get frustrated.

I eventually told him that if he is not coming back, that we should get a divorce but he says no, that I should give him some more time. Things are hard for me, I caught my driver masturbating one time, I began to lust after him. I have been without s*x for three years. I eventually seduced him and we began to f*ck each other regularly. I am not proud of that but my husband is f*cking his oyinbo wife everyday and leaving me dry here, what am I supposed to do?

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To the best of my ability, I tried to protect myself using pills but I did not know how I ended up getting pregnant for my driver. The bad thing is, I did not find out until I am five and a half months pregnant. I do not know how, I was seeing my period all these while even though I noticed it was late one time but it eventually came later. They say its too late for an abortion, the doctor advised against it especially because I am AS, he said its dangerous.

I am panicking because, first I don’t know what to do with this pregnancy. My driver cannot know I am pregnant for him….my Australian husband cannot know either. I don’t even know if the so called husband is even coming back.

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In my panic, I thought of firing my driver so he does not find out, maybe have the baby and leave the baby with my mom. When I tried to fire him, he called my husband and my husband refused with my decision to fire the driver. That was when it dawned on me that my husband hired this driver to spy on me.

Now this same spy driver, I am stuck with, is the father of my unborn child. I called him to tell him that I don’t want my husband to find out that we have been sleeping with each other, so he should take 500k or 1M and leave before someone tells my husband about us. This man refused, he said I should not worry, that if I don’t tell, he too wont tell because my husband trusts him so much.

I also found out that this driver gets special payment from my husband for keeping an eye on me. I am scared now. What do I do? Should I try to frame the driver, tell my husband he tried to rape me? Will he believe me? What if the driver has evidence to prove it was not rape but consensual s*x?

I feel stuck like I am in a prison. My pregnancy is almost six months…what am I going to do? Should I tell the driver that I am pregnant for him? Since he is working for my husband, I am sure he would not want my husband to know he got me pregnant? Please advise me. I am so worried.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Oh my sister its good to let the driver know,then he will be the one to inform your husband since he is being paid to put an eye on you. Mind you your husband trusts him,so you are safe either way.

  2. I want you to keep calm and not hurt yourself sister. No matter what, cheating will always be wrong, you knew he is married but you still chose to sleep with him, that’s not fair to your fellow woman

    Now, he has gone for sometime, you have to tell your husband of your affair with the driver, you have to tell him, your husband trust him so much but he betrayed your husband.

    Now you want to lie against the driver that he raped you, you want to play the victim of rape when you actually seduced him and both of you have had sex willfully several times, pls stop that, that is wickedness.

    I strongly advise you to tell your husband of your adultery and the pregnancy and let him fire the driver, honesty PAYS always, then let the driver know, if its possible for you to go leave with your family, maybe parents, sister, it is very risky for a pregnant woman to leave alone.

    Stay with a family member, and make sure the driver and you never meet, only when you give birth. It is well

    Advise to men and women, stop adultery and flee from anything that can tempt you to adultery and please leave other people’s spouses alone.

  3. Madam you went to far oooo,haba! You wanted to get married because you were 34, you got married to another woman’s husband,he travelled and has just stayed for 3years and next is to sleep with your driver,this is total rubbish biko. You have to tell the driver,he has to know,you also have to inform your husband because no matter how you hide it,he will still find out. It is well with you oooo,does it mean that you were just making out with your driver without observing your body or taking note of some changes in your body or what. Please get ready for whatever outcome this might bring oooo,your husband might end up filing for that same divorce you suggested initially, the driver will not marry you,your mother might not want to take care of another man’s child, plan yourself so nothing takes you unaware. So people wey their husbands dey abroad for don carry belle finish for other men na,huh. I rest my case


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