HomeAdviceMy Married Ex-Lover Is Making Life Difficult For Me-Pls Advise

My Married Ex-Lover Is Making Life Difficult For Me-Pls Advise


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My Married Ex-Lover Is Making Life Difficult For Me-Pls Advise

Kes was transferred from our company’s Ota branch to the Lagos branch where I am last year. He became head of our team and everyone could see why he was brought to the head office because he is a vey hard worker.

We all thought Kes was working late most days cos his family was still in Ota and he did not want to go home to an empty house on is own. One day, I had alot of work to do and I stayed behind. I actually needed Kes to help with the assignment and we got talking and I found out that he is also having issues in his marriage.

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Kes and the wife are always quarrelling. Kes appears to be peace loving, so he does not like to go home. After work that day, Kes said he was going to watch some movies on is laptop. I asked him what he was watching, he told me and I downloaded the movie from him to go watch at home.

Kes and I bonded over work and movies cos I am an avid movie fan. Somehow, our friendship became closer, I knew we were sort of crossing a line but I was enjoying his company as he was enjoying mine. From the office, we visited each other at home and over movies, started kissing.

We both could not resist, we had s*x and for me, Kes is the best man to ever make love to me. Our affair has been ongoing for almost four months now. I was in Kes place two months ago when all of a sudden, his wife and kids showed up. It was around 11.45pm. I had to run out of the back door before she could discover me.

I tried to get an uber but most were not forth coming. Kes had to beg his neighbor, Jude, to take me in that night. I had no choice but to pass the night in Kes’ neighbor’s house. I was so furious but I was helpless. The guy’s apartment is a one room self contained and he  was kind enough to lie on his bed and he took the floor.

I could barely sleep that night. At some point, I felt so ashamed of myself and angered towards Kes for putting me through this. Around 4.30am, I got up to ease myself and found the neighbor starring at me, stroking his manhood. He clearly was masturbating while watching me.

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The very sight of what he was doing made me very horny that instant. His manhood was huge and I don’t know why but I shamelessly stroked it and guided him to f*ck me. This is the most crazy thing I have ever done in my life. I left his house around 6am. I felt so happy and satisfied.

Throughout that day, I could barely focus. I could only think of the experience I had with Kes neighbor. The guy and I exchanged numbers and we started chatting that day. He was like, he likes me and I told him I like Kes but he was good to me last night, so lets see what happens.

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Kes kept calling me the next day but I ignored all his calls. Jude convinced me to come over that night again and I did. Kes wife was still around the next day so I made sure Kes saw me with Jude when I came visiting. Kes came over to Jude’s place and was asking me what I was doing there. I ignored him. He almost caused a scene.

Infact, I spent the entire weekend with Jude and went to work from Jude’s place. Kes wife left on Monday morning. Kes, confronted me at work and was trying to get me to stop seeing Jude and I told him I think we should break up cos obviously his wife is trying to come back and I think God has consoled me by giving me Jude.

Kes is begging me to give him some time to sort out issues and that he will leave his wife. I dont want him to leave his wife…cos I know Kes may never leave his wife…he just wants my company and to keep f8cking me. I was not born today jare. I have decided to stay with Jude and this is making Kes mad. Kes and Jude had an alteration last week and kes has been calling me names.

Now,what did I do wrong? Yes, I slept with him knowing he is married, but maybe this is God’s way of settling us, why cant kes leave me alone? Could he be really solid about his intentions with me? For me, I am just having fun with Jude…but I am worried Kes may be having a mental breakdown with this whole situation.

Kes finally agreed to let go but both of us do not speak to each other at work anymore. The tension is very tough. If kes wife did not show up that night, maybe I would still have been with him but after that embarrassment, I will never go back to kes. I need him to understand that…

Unfortunately, Kes is now making work difficult for me. He speaks to me rudely. He critizes my work. Things he used to cover up for me at work, he will now query me openly in front of everyone. Kes sent me a query and warning on Monday. I am so angry that now kes is bullying me at work just because I am no longer with him.

I called him after work and asked him to stop doing what he was doing else I would expose him. He said I can take it up if I like cos he has done nothing wrong, he only stopped being nice and he is removing privileges’ I was enjoying and he is right. I asked him what he wants me to do, cos I feel like its unfair to me to leave Jude when he is not sure about his marriage yet.

Kes said ok, I can be with anyone else apart from Jude his neighbor. That he cant stand seeing me with Jude. We both argued back and front cos I was like, he agreed that I can move on …so why must he decide who I can or cannot be with? I had no choice but to agree but Jude came over to my place when he didn’t see me since Monday. I told him what happened and he went straight to kes and told him to leave me alone or he will deal with him.

I am exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore. I need advise, how do I handle this matter without further aggravating both men?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You don’t seem repentant at all, how can you be sleeping with a womans husband, Kes didn’t put you in the mess the day you slept in Jude’s place, you put yourself in that position, you know he is married.

    GOD didn’t settle anything dear Sister, he actually wants you to stop fornicating, cos that’s all you have been doing

    You can’t call all you are doing with Jude fun like you said, you need to have a rethink Sister.

    To me, you seem kind of ok with this life, but I tell you this dear one, you may be caught up and it may destroy you. Peace

  2. Some issues posted here doesn’t need advise some times. We just need to ignore and let the situation play itself out since the person asking for the advise won’t follow the advices posted here.

    Cos OP, if we should tell you to abandon the two guys, leave your job, move on and away from those dirty past connections, and then start living a new life by making sure you become someone with good moral standards, date the right person or giving your life to christ and become a better person, will you follow those advises.

    About your issue, just continue handling it the way you have been handling it since you are not ready to turn your life around to become a better person with good character. The two guys will sort themselves out with fist, malice or love, since you, the vocal point of the issue, doesn’t want to get away from any of them.

  3. Endure the situation while you look for another job. Kes is just a jealous man that wants to have his cake and eat it. He will keep frustrating your efforts irrespective


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