HomeAdviceAttracted To A Married Woman In An Abusive Marriage-Pls Advise

Attracted To A Married Woman In An Abusive Marriage-Pls Advise


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Attracted To A Married Woman In An Abusive Marriage-Pls Advise

Please hide my identity. I need legal advise and professional help. My name is Lucky (not real name). I am a 34 year old young entrepreneur. By God’s grace, I can say that I am really doing well for myself but when it comes to relationship, finding a woman who will be my better half has been an issue.

It is an issue because I started hustling since my school days. I always knew I did not want to work for anyone. I wanted to be my own boss and most ladies either want a ready made man or someone who wont waste their time trying to build a business.

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That is not to say that I did not try to keep relationships but finding the right one, one that understands my vision, a help meet…someone to build with me has not been easy. I thought my last relationship was going to work but the lady started acting funny and the quarrels became too much, so I decided it was better we split.

I have been on my own for the last two years, focusing on building my business.  I got a contract two years ago in a Telecoms company. The lady at the front desk became my friend. Anytime I came to the company, I just enjoyed seeing her and chatting with her. Unfortunately, she is married so I know she is off limits.

Last November, it was her birthday and she did not come to work. I wanted to appreciate her but for days she did not come to work. I kept asking her colleagues but none of them could tell me why she has not been coming to work.

So, eventually…I met a female colleague of her who told me that the lady was in an abusive marriage and that her husband beats her alot, so they suspect that she may have been beaten with bruises and could not come to work with the bruises.

And true to that, she came back to work like a week later and from how she was avoiding my eyes, I knew she was actually bruised from a beating she must have gotten. I pressured her to tell me what happened. She refused cos she was scared but I did not stop pressuring her.

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I started to encourage her, to leave her abusive marriage but she said she cannot leave because she has a daughter and the husband will not let her leave without her daughter. I got some legal advise from a lawyer and was told that she can be granted custody of her daughter if she filed for divorce.

Since that last year, we been getting closer, I found myself falling for her as I encourage her to take her life back into her hands but she is so fearful. I told her that I would help her with legal fees if she needed it, I was ready to help her pay for accommodation, etc so she can leave that wicked man and start afresh.

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Thankfully, she started to feel confident to want to leave the marriage. She met with my lawyer and started the proceedings sometimes in June this year. However, my lawyer called me to tell me that the lady told him something in confidence. That he is not supposed to tell me because the lady begged him not to tell me.

That the reason the woman is so afraid of her husband is because the daughter is not the man’s daughter. That the lady was caught on having s*x with the husband’s driver after 5 years of marriage to the man. So, the lady got pregnant and the man through DNA test, confirmed the daughter was not his.

However, they both agreed to cover the secret by she signing an undertaking that she will never reveal who the real father of the child is. That he is the real father cos they discovered the man has no sperm count during their 7 years of marriage. The man beats her and calls her a slut every time but she is afraid of leaving cos of her child.

Now, I feel somehow, like why would such a decent looking girl cheat on her husband with a driver. The lawyer said she thinks the lady may just be using me to get away from her abusive husband but that it appears the woman is a flirt.

So, I made some more investigations and heard that some rumors that the lady has slept with some managers in their company. I became a bit worried. I don’t know if I should continue helping her…what if she is truly a flirt and that is why her husband keep beating her…

What if she gets to start doing same for me cos I really am falling in love with her. I have spent alot of money on her…I enjoy her company and she is very intelligent but this discovery about her is giving me cause for worry.

How do I go about this: should I confront her ….could the rumors be a lie or maybe there is an explanation…..or should I just stop helping her? I really love her…I see alot of the qualities I want in a wife and future partner but….please advise me.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You are being emotional not logical. You know she is married then why are you disturbing her, you referred to her husband as wicked, are you sure you are not the wicked man wanting to take another man’s wife.

    That a lady looks decent is not equal to she is decent, it doesn’t show on the face, people pretend a lot.

    You better forget about her completely and don’t let her manipulate you emotionally with her tears…pls be smart, many ladies know how to play the victim.

    Be logical not emotional. Peace

  2. This is rather dicey. I’d advice you to step a few steps backwards and evaluate the position of things. Without thinking of how much you love her. Talk to yourself and decide if that’s the kind of life you want for yourself cause sometimes, love is not just enough..


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