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Its A Complicated Love Affair But They Say Love Is Not Enough-Pls Advise


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Its A Complicated Love Affair But They Say Love Is Not Enough-Pls Advise

I don’t even know why I am writing this but maybe because I just want to pour out my heart and relive myself of the heavy burden that I am carrying. I am very ashamed of what I am about to reveal. I do not know how I got myself involved in all of this shameful act and I need your help.

I am 29 years old. I have been in a casual relationship with someone for about three years. What I mean by causal is that, this guy told me he was engaged with someone but the lady is in Australia doing a program. they both agreed to have casual relationships since theirs is a long distance relationship.

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Initially I thought it was a joke but they got married last year and this lady still went back to Australia cos of her job. The plan is for him to join her sometime this year or so. So instead of me to leave this boy alone, I found myself falling more and more in love with him cos the wife is not in the picture cos of the distance.

I even suspect the wife is aware of me but she does not even bother cos sometimes when she talking to him on the phone, I am sure she must have heard my voice on the background and she asks, is she the one, and he will answer yes…this is my dilemma.

I told myself several times that I need to end this but this guy is good to me, we are very good friend and I love him very much. I begged him to choose me instead of the wife but he says I will never understand…that both of them are destined to be together as soulmates.

Well, my problems got bigger seven months ago when I discovered I was pregnant. My initial reaction was shock cos I was fully protected for six months contraction injection. But the test came positive and my boyfriend asked me to abort it cos he does not want to upset his wife. I cried and cried . I now realized that even though I have given him 3 years of my life, he just chose his absentee wife over me and his unborn child.

He sent me to his family clinic and arranged for a doctor to attend to me. It was the most painful experience of my life. I was in the hospital for three days. His father, who is the Chef Medical director of the hospital discovered I was on admission on the second day and asked to see me. He came around to the hospital and was very sympathetic.

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His father would check on me everyday until when I was discharged. He started calling me, sending me money, checking on me. Flirting with me. I told him I can not be with him after what his son did to me. He said his son is foolish to let go of me for that stupid wife in Australia.

The father said its childhood foolish love that his son has for the wife cos they have been together since childhood but he sees me as a much better choice for his son…just unfortunate that the son does not see me so.

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I wish I can tell you all the things the father said did not affect me but I found myself shamefully giving into him and started sleeping with him three months later. The father is divorced and I am single so what could be so wrong in what am doing? Maybe I wanted revenge for what his son did to me but after seeing the father for like 2 months, my boyfriend came back begging me to take him back.

Obviously he is not aware that I am dating his father. I think he had a serious issue with his wife. The wife started giving him a feeling that she does not want to continue with the marriage and because I love him, I am torn between him and his father. His father does not want to end it with me…he is a very good lover to me but its his son I am in love with.

So, you see….I am seeing father and son now, although he has given me an ultimatum to choose between him and his son. Should I stay with the father who is single and has been nothing but kind to me since his son dumped me or should I stay with the son who I am very much in love with?

They say love is not enough to be with a person, does that mean I should stay with the father? Or should I give my boyfriend one last chance hoping he may actually forget his wife who is really not in his life? This is messy but you cant control who you fall in love with.

My main issue is: I want to end the situation with the father but I don’t know how my boyfriend will feel if he ever discovers I dated his father…will that ruin my chances of him choosing me? Of course, I cannot marry the father…what we have is at best, only a relationship…how do I truly make sure that I can solidify my position with my boyfriend?

Should I ask him to file for a divorce before I accept him back fully? I am confused please. I also want to be sure of my stand before I end things with the father…I love my boyfriend so much that I want to accept him and beg him to leave his wife foe me but what if he still does not leave her….that will not make me stop loving him cos I have realized what I feel for him is deep. I just want to make the right decision before I am 30 years old.

What should I do please?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. My dear, you’re better off without both of them. You acknowledged that you’re ashamed of what you’ve done so don’t continue because in your heart you know what you’re doing is wrong.
    You cannot marry the Father like you said so there’s no future there and the son is married, you’re committing adultery with him and he’s not leaving his wife so there’s still no future there.

    You’re better than this, sleeping with Father and son.
    Please let them both go and focus on a good relationship heading for a better future.
    It may be difficult but not impossible.
    God bless you my sister.

  2. You see this societal standard of getting hitched before 30 at all cost is the problem! My dear you’re better off without any of them! You vividly saw a ditch and fell in wholeheartedly! You need a break! Better still, leave the son and go for the father since he’s known to be divorced or simply leave both of them and God for forgiveness and move on! Do not put yourself in any pressure of getting hitched before 30, that’ll be disastrous! So many women are in perpetual bondages because of getting hitched before 30! Choose God’s time and choose wisely!

  3. Dear one. You know exactly what you are doing, why will you sleep with your so called boyfriends father who himself if married, so you are so so wrong.

    You want to be sure of your stand with his father before ending the affair with his father, to be honest, you are not remorseful one bit, its very clear in the post. Sleeping with another woman’s husband is so grievous and now you added the mans father to it…come on sister.

    Tell the guy you have been sleeping with his father and end it all with both of them, this is a very lifestyle you chose. No one will agree with you no matter how you put it or play the victim.

    Please dear one, stop this evil RIGHT NOW. Peace.

  4. I see my future a bit in you thou I cannot stoop so low and sleep with the father like you did..
    I have a guy just like your own too who has a suppose soul mate outside the country but he still hold on to me and I keep falling and falling for him until I borrowed my self brain that if I dont leave this guy alone he will use me, waste my time because he is a sweet guy and I will keep comparing him with others therefore chasing other men away and in the future he will marry her and will keep choosing her over me like your man,
    My advise for you is that they never change! for them to be together for that long they are so into each other even if they both see other people.
    He will keep choosing her anytime she comes back dont be a fool babe 30 isnt a sin or the standard girlfriend
    Leave this guy alone and the father it might be hard but this guy is no good for you to the point that you even have to kill because of him Remember that God frowns against abortion seek for forgiveness but just know this guy is but a red flag…


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