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I Got Married To Escape So Much Suffering But Is This Loneliness Worth It?


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I Got Married To Escape So Much Suffering But Is This Loneliness Worth It?

I learnt the hard way that money is not everything but money can buy some things to make you happy and comfortable. My name is Abigail (not real name). I am 26 years old. I came to Lagos at age 14 and since then, I have been to hell and back.

Being born into a polygamous home, my parents did not care about the legion of children they gave birth to…many of us went to hustle from childhood. Some house girls, house boys, some mechanics, some Tailors, some pick pockets…etc…life was hard…we could barely feed.

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The lady who had taken two of my older sisters to Lagos to find work as house maids came to take me when I was 14. I was a house maid, sales girl, cleaner, etc until I became a runs girl from age 17. I did everything to survive. Being a runs girl paid better and I was able to write my GCE, start part time studying in LASPOTECH.

That was when I met this Chief. A 62 year old chief was my benefactor for 2 years. He got me an apartment in Maryland and took care of my schooling and bills. We got married traditionally because he also has other wives. I thought all I needed was money and comfortable life because I have suffered all my life.

When I got pregnant with my first child, Chief started seeing someone else. The new girl is the one taking most of his time now, he spends time with her in lekki. Well, I can say I know what I signed up for …I signed up to marry a rich man who can provide the comfort of live that I never had before.

What I did not sign up for was to be a lonely married woman at age 26. I know how much I begged Chief to come around just to have s*x with me after the baby came but he seemed exhausted with his new side chick.  Don’t get me wrong: I have everything money can buy but I do not have a man to f*ck everyday and that is getting me really frustrated.

Now, I thought chief would divide his time between us his wives and concubines but he seems to spend less and less time with the women he married and more time with the women he is just sleeping with. My son is now 2 years plus. Since he was born, chief has not slept with me more than 3 times.

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I started to use vibrators but its not the same. I spent money on kayanmata which made me more horny and made matters worse cos the only time I was able to manage to drag chief to come sleep with me, chief would barely last 3 mins in bed. I tried to focus on other things like completing my studies but I still get really lonely at night.

Chief told me not to work after  graduated. I am now a stay at home mother, with no one to comfort me. The idea of having a f*ck buddy started driving me crazy. I was afraid though cos chief might find out and kick me out and take everything he gave me. But the feeling was getting too strong to control.

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I located a gym and started attending the gym just to find someone who was interested to just catch fun. It didnt take too long, I met someone …we started meeting up in his place and my God, this man knows how to f*ck the brains out of me. I told him, we just having fun…I paid him money for that but he refused to collect it.

Its been almost 5 months that I have been seeing this guy and last week, I met a lady in his place. I was filled with rage and jealousy. The guy was surprised at my reaction cos its no strings attached right?. Even me, I surprised myself. Then I realized that I may be catching feelings for him.

So I would not embarrass myself, I ended the relationship. But this guy knew the hold he had on me, all he did was send me nudes, saying some things that he wants to do to me…things my husband has never said to me….next thing, I was knocking on his door the next day. I am loosing my mind. I am in love with my lover. He told me he loves me too and willing to be with me and my son if I leave chief.

The only question is: am I willing to give up all the luxuries that I currently have to be with someone I love? I remember how much I suffered in lived in poverty for years and I am scared …but scared so much that I may end up living a rich but lonely life.

I see many couple happy even though not rich so can I be the same with my guy if I quit with chief? My worry is just the fear of being poor again especially since I am the one even helping my parents. Please advise me…if you were in my shoes,what would you do?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I feel for you for the sufferings you went through in the past but I will be honest with you.

    Firstly, marrying someone cos of money WILL NEVER be justified no matte how well you put it, and now went to the gym to look for a gym to look for someone to catch fun, that is so so wrong.

    Dear one, you are not in love with that gym guy, you are in LUST, and you know exactly what I mean, you think adultery breeds love never, it only breeds more lust.

    So you think marrying that gym guy will end well….no it won’t. You don’t want to leave chief cos of the money but still want to keep committing adultery….no sister, this is trees on your part. A man knows you are married yet sexing you, you think such men are decent responsible men, such men are wicked men, is it until he starts suggesting that chief should be killed.

    My advise is forget the gym guy completely, block him everywhere, calls, chats, email…but will you do that, only you can answer that. As for chief, the thing is you sighed up for this yourself, pls talk to chief, you both need to talk things out, and pls involve family members.

    You will be fine sister. You surely will. Peace

  2. Don’t leave chief and your marriage for that guy as it won’t ever end well. A guy that has been sleeping with you, who obviously knows you are married will definitely not accept to marry you if you should divorce chief for him. What he sees in you is a cheating wife who he can f**k with at anytime. He will just keep posting you with fake plans of marriage, eventually you will get IV of him marrying another person one day (maybe of that lady you caught with him) and he will tell you he felt nothing for you. Even if you were to marry him, after the gra gra honeymoon sex, marital problems will start coming up and the way you have been having exciting marathon sex like before as secret lovers will stop and it will later become boring for you, as you would have gotten used to that old style, and lastly, who knows if the guy won’t start cheating on you immediately when you get married, by stopping to have sex regularly with u and then having sex regularly outside with a new breed of sexy married woman. So many buts and possibilities. Better not to delve in.

    About your situation with Chief, no solution to that. You should have considered that before marrying chief and if you did, then it is what it is. Keep on managing like that.

    I wish you well in your future escapades.


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