My Heart Is Breaking -This Relationship Is The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me
My name is Joy (not real name). I am 30 years old. I became 30 last July actually. I am what you could call a big girl in terms of my size. Well, from birth, I have always been big. I was called orobo right from being a baby and its simply because my bones are big. My Father too is on the very big side and I guess I took after him.
Being called fat is not cool but over the years, after struggling with depression from all the teasing and insults I get from people, I began to develop a coping mechanism by developing thick skin to the many insults I got from friends and even strangers when they feel they can talk about my size.
I call myself big bold and beautiful. Then again, I tried all things to make me reduce in size but even though I have shed a lot of weight, I still am a big girl compared to a lot of people. I am a size 20 if you know what that means. This has also affected my relationships. Many men find me s*xually attractive but not for a permanent relationship.
That is how I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend whom I have been with for almost two years. At first, we connected because the s8x was great but later, we truly fell in love. We met in a conference three years ago and shared the same hotel. We hooked up that night and that was it. We didn’t think we would cross parts again until a year later.
This time, he was ready to pursue a relationship with me. I thought it was just for the s*x cos he kept telling me that I am such a great lover for someone my size. I do not know why men think only slim girls can have skills in the bed…but I told him I was no longer interested in a one night shagging…he said he likes me and wants me to be his girlfriend.
That came to me as a shock cos , if you see me…so I played hard to get a little and he kept on wooing me, eventually I agreed like 2 months later. Since then, we have been having a great time. I found a soul mate in him and our relationship has been quite good.
The only issue is that, I started feeling somehow since we clocked two years and he is not making any mention of marriage. I mean, we been together since I was 28. If we are going to get married, I am now 30, what is the plan? I brought up the matter after my birthday, sometime in August. He said why am I bugging him about marriage…that he is not ready for marriage.
That was like a blow to me. I told him that I was not ready to keep on dating with no goal in sight. We had a misunderstanding about that and I almost broke up with him but after a week of not speaking with him, we reconciled and he said to me that the reason he is dragging his feet on the matter is cos of my size….he said while he loves me regardless of my size, he is worried that his family would not accept me.
To me, I was like, why didn’t you tell me all this since we been together for two years plus…he said he didn’t know how to tell me without hurting my feelings. So, he asked me if I was willing to do a fat reduction surgery. At the time, I was ready to consider it cos I thought this was a good option cos I love him and he offered to pay for the surgery.
However, since that time, I have been doing some research in the surgery and its seems like a dangerous option. I am scared. He has assumed me that nothing will happen to me, we have found one of the best cosmetic surgeons to do the surgery but my heart is shaking honestly.
My sister that I discussed this with says I should no bother if I am scared cos my fear might even make things go wrong. When I told my boyfriend that I am scared of going through with the surgery, he said the ball is in my court: meaning, either I do the surgery or no marriage…
I find his stance very annoying. He did say he loves me and would never break up with me except I want to break up with me. He feels that if I truly love him, I should also consider his feelings and make compromise buy trying the surgery…he says he is willing to be by my side all through…that he just wants the best for us, so that no one would be looking down on me.
I am now at cross roads: should I still attempt the surgery despite my reservations or break up with him? Or keep being his girlfriend and forget about marriage? I am faced with no easy choices and I need your advice please. Its not easy finding a guy who truly makes you happy and I don’t want to loose him over my fears but what if my fears are valid?
This relationship is the best thing that happened to me in a long time…why can’t his family accept whoever their son loves…no wonder we have never visited his family; we talk on the phone but we have never visited them. What should I do? I am going through emotional turmoil. Please advice me.
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