I Promised Not To Break Her Heart But My Family Is Against Our Relationship
This is my dilemma. I am an only child of my parents. My dad is late. When he passed, my mother found out that he had another daughter outside but he didn’t tell us. That made my mom very bitter. But by the grace of God, we survived all and since I graduated from school five years ago, my mom has been on my case to get married and give her grandchildren.
Its not like I don’t want to marry but finding the right woman has always been an issue. My last relationship was ok but I could not see us getting married because this lady had attitude issues. I felt I was the one putting more effort into the relationship, she was just coasting, making me work hard to stay in the relationship.
So, when I started giving the new colleague in my office a ride, something happened. I am not one to cheat, I hate cheating so its not like I went out looking for someone to cheat with. But this lady who resumed in our office happened to live in my same estate and so it made sense for us to ride to the office together.
Sometimes we used my car, sometimes we used her car. But I found out she was such a lovely personality. So, it shocked me how she was not married but she has a son. Apparently, she had a son for someone who she did not know was married. We clicked on a lot of levels and I just found her very comfortable to talk to.
On her part, she was dating a guy who did not also appreciate her like my own girl did not appreciate me. We shared our experiences and counselled one another and ne day, the topic was why do opposites attract. We realized we both we very much alike while our partners were very much different from us. I told her I wished I met her before I met my partner, I would have married her.
She laughed saying that is not possible cos she is even older than me with 7 years. That is true, she is older but she does not look her age one bit…and I like her alot. I met her son and I completely fell in love with her son too. Sometimes, she invites me over when she cooks afang soup and their delicacies cos she is an amazing cook.
My girl and I kept growing apart more and more. I eventually stopped trying to force myself to make our relationship work. If I dont call, she wont call. She is all about the money, me buying her stuff and she never buys me anything. Always saying I am the man so I should take responsibility. So, I stopped trying.
What made me realize this girl was fake was when my birthday came. For someone I have dated for two years and spent so much for her birthday, she just sent only a text on her birthday and did not bother to call or visit. My colleague got me a cake and some food which I shared with my friends later that evening. The food was heavenly, everyone thought it was my girlfriend who ordered the food and sent over to me cos she could not make the birthday.
On Saturday morning, I went over to my colleague’s house to return the cooler she used to bring me the food but I knocked on her door for a while and she did not open. I was worried cos her car was packed outside so I knew she was at home. I called her line…she sent me a text to drop the cooler at her door and leave that she cant come to the door.
I became more worried. On Sunday I tried to call her and she called back saying she was not feeling well and she could not come to the door. So I went over at her place that evening. Her son was not around, it turns out the mother came to take the boy for the weekend and she was alone. I asked her if she was ok and she said yes but I could see she was not.
After pushing a little bit further, she opened up and told me that her boyfriend didn’t like that she cooked for me and accused her of cheating on him with me, they got in a big fight and they broke up. That was why she was avoiding me when I came to drop the cooler. She was shaking and I knew then and there, she had feelings for me and I kissed her.
She tried to stop me cos she kept saying what about my girlfriend and I told her I have no intention to going back to her. I fell in love that day cos no woman has ever treated me the way she did and still does. So, yes, I am in love with a woman seven years older than me and she has a son…I been with her for almost a year and I all I want is to marry her.
My issue is the fact that my mother is not supporting the idea of marriage to my woman. Her issue is: she had a son for a married man …the same way a woman had a child for my late father knowing he was married. My mother does not believe she did not know the man was married. My mother said after all, she knew I had a girlfriend and she seduced me with food and s*x. My mother feels that my woman is smarter than me and is trying to take advantage of me.
When my lady found out my mom does not like her, she was upset. Saying she cannot handle another drama in her life after having a son for a married woman. I tried to convince her to try to get to know my mom but it seems even if she tries, my mother is not willing to give her a chance. So, she rather avoids any topic about my mom and that pains me.
We have never had any misunderstanding since we been dating but she says I should not waste her time if this is not going to work…that she is not a young woman trying to beg any man to choose her over his mother to be with her…those words she uses hurt but I see where she is coming from.
Out of anger, I told her we should take a break and she said fine: I could barely spend a day without her. I missed her to the point my head was spinning. Just one day o. We made up that night and I promised to never let my mom come in-between us. That is not to say I am battling in my heart how to make these two women agree. Maybe, it could happen after we marry?
Will my mother change her stance after marriage or will this cause a deeper divide. Nothing scares me more than my mother not being in my life or my children’s lives cos she raised me and deserves to be happy. But I also deserve to be happy.
My mother is telling everyone that an old woman has seduced her son. Was I seduced by her, no…was she extra nice to me, yes….and that made me attracted to her…yes. My mother is being paranoid but she has vehemently said I should find someone else cos this lady is manipulating me cos she is older, wiser and more experienced than me. I know older women perhaps know how to take care of their men but this woman is too nice …how can she be manipulating me?
My aunties and uncles have wadded into the matter cos they are supporting my mother. That I am young and can find someone else my age or someone I am older than. That as an only child, I should never let another woman come between me and my mom. I never thought I could find myself in love with someone my family didn’t accept. I love this woman…she is the only woman I have dated that has acted mature and ready to be a good wife to me …but I also love my mother.
What should I do? Should I listen to my mother and my family…it would hurt my mom if I ignored her warning but isn’t that what true love is? On the other hand, I have explained how me and this lady began to date to you because I want to ask you this…do you think she seduced me? We were both in bad relationships and found each other…could it be all too convenient?
What if this woman is my destiny? Do you think I will find someone like her if I let my family com between us? And I also do not want to break my woman’s heart cos she has been though alot … I promised her I would never do that…This is so hard … What do you think I should do?
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