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This So Called Friendship Is Threatening Our Marriage-Please Advice


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This So Called Friendship Is Threatening Our Marriage-Please Advice

Good day. I have a couple in need of help, may you share their story ,publish and share advices from different neutral people.

The story goes like:
Mike and Marry are a couple blessed with two kids a girl(11) and a boy (10). They lived a happy life ever since they got married. Mike knew he was a pastor before getting married and did not hide from Marry who agreed to that condition before marriage.

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It happened that life was good for the first years in the ministry, but later on things started to be difficulty. A couple sat down and decided that one should go look for a job to help with cost of living which is rising daily.

Marry got a job in a resort some 150 kms from home and she should be staying there for 22 days coming home for 7 days. Mike could also visit her at her work place since she had her own room.

Life became bitter when Mike received an anonymous sms stating the change of behaviour of his wife. In the message was a part that actual reads”open your eyes your wife is in love with John the reception manager”. Marry had previously mentioned to Mike about friendship with John who ran a business in another town.

Wanting her to be a partner on another project that would involve her travelling to that town for business etc. After Mike receiving the SMS,he visited the wife surprisingly, but the manager didn’t allow him in because of the hotel rules.

Normal she would have booked 24 hours before arrival of Mike. She then knew around 10 PM that Mike was at the gate she went received him in. Mike asked for her phone which she had deleted every conversations and calls she does with John.

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The confusion started from there,Mike showed him the SMS he received and Marry said,” nothing like that is happening, we are just friends and colleagues, but at once he just proposed and l refused”,but the friendship was so close to a point of Marry visiting John to his room which was some kms from hers.

When John is going home,he was comfortable leaving his room keys to Marry. Some days after Mike receives a phone call from John’s wife saying,” are you aware your wife is seeing my husband, l saw a lot of messages, phone calls etc. This last weekend she sent a good morning love” .

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From January to date Marry still calls John a friend. Since then Mike told her to cut that relationship because it was not doing good for him, but Marry is not willing to do so. So Marry and Mike have been fighting over this issue for months now, Marry insists on her friendship to John to a point that even last month Mike caught Marry talking on the phone to John during her off days while she was in the car.

Mike from January is avoiding a divorce for the sake of the kids, they spoke about the issue and Marry is comfortable on separation than terminating the friendship relationship with John.

Is this a normal friendship? Would like to hear different ideas from both s*xes in an issue like this. Mike could have stopped Marry from working, but he said he did not for two reasons:

1)Believing his wife was telling the truth that it was just people gossiping
2) He wanted time to reveal the truth.

Now he is thinking of filling for a divorce. Marry is agreeing on that option, but what of the innocent kids, should they grow in a broken family because mama chose a friend over them?

Please advice


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I keep saying it, DO NOT TRUST ANYONE, people will cheat on you whether you love them or not, trust the or not, that woman is cheating, when she leaves, he must never take her back. Men, when a womans threat doesnt affect you, it pains women, let him not show that he cares about her cheating, but if he wants to go ahead with the divorce, he can. But he must never take her back, for a woman to choose a side guy over her marriage is wickedness, she is cheating on him, he doesnt need a prophet to tell him that. DO NOT TRUST ANYONE, people will do what they want irrespective of you, cheating is a planned intentional wicked act, it can never be a mistake. Mike should tell family members his own and her’s. Mike too should take my advise of not trusting anyone, the bible also says so. Peace

    • where did the bible say trust no one please? and just because some people are not trust worthy does not mean EVERYONE should not be trusted.

      • Psalms 118 vs 8
        Psalms 118 vs 9
        Isaiah 2 vs 22
        Psalms 146 vs 3

        Mrs Jzhane, i want you to think about this statement very deeply and very well “people will do what they want irrespective of you”. I ask you Mrs Jzhane, are men and women committing adultery, the answer is YES, infact the reason why some men and women say they trust their spouses is cos their spouses are cheating but they havent found out, i know you wont still agree cos the narrative of trusting your spouse is a popular opinion and society keeps promoting it, are there not cases of men and women finding out their spouses are cheating and they are shocked, they have emotional trauma, some cant eat well and sleep well, some overthink to the point of depression, some become suicidal, some even commit the suicide, some kill the cheating spouses, some go into coma e.t.c, do you know why all these mentioned incidences occur, it is because the HURT spouse trusted the cheating spouse. Mrs Jzhane, i hope you will really understand what i have said, but its your opinion and i understand. GOD bless you.

  2. Dear sir

    I really do not want to be the bearer of bad news but its clear to all of us that you are in denial…

    The fact is…your wife has moved on

    There is at least emotional affair here if you cannot prove a physical affair

    My humble opinion…leave her alone

    She is a grown adult…

    Just be praying for her…

    If you still love her despite this…pray and pray that the kanyamata or foolishness that is doing her will fade away

    If you cannot…please find the courage to move on

    She chose her friend over her marriage and children you say?

    Bro…Jesus wept

    May God give you comfort for the pain

    May the Holy arrest her before its too late

    Just make sure the children are not adversely affected by this…it may be hard but you have to stand in the gap for your family

    If what she needs is time…she may find her senses back

    Begs for some questions…did you both really court…for how long? Were you friends before marriage? Are you having any issues with her…did you cheat on her?did you do anything that could have pushed her to this point?

    My brother…pray and leave the rest for God

    Time will tell


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