Our Marriage Is Struggling With Trust Issues & Hurt From The Past
My husband and I have been together for four years of dating before marriage, going to five. I love him so much, he is the best man ever but his mother does not like me. God knows I have tried everything in the book to win his mother’s love but it has not worked.
We broke up last year due to his mother’s non acceptance, I cried and cried…my fiancé too was unhappy for months. During our breakup, I was so depressed that my friends thought what I needed was to find another man to help me forget my fiancé at the time.
I was hooking up with this guy who lied to me that he was in love with me. I was drinking just to forget my pain. In the process, I got pregnant for this dude I was hanging out with. When I told him, the guy said I have to remove it cos he was married. What?
I was a big mess. I had an abortion to flush out the pregnancy and was so sick afterwards. My fiancé came back to me two weeks after and told me he was ready to marry me without his mother’s consent. But I was too hurt that I did not listen. He begged and sent his friends to beg me . We eventually came back together and we did our court marriage and now we are married.
The next months after our wedding, I had a heavy mensural flow. I was bleeding for almost two weeks which was very abnormal. Hubby took me to the hospital where they checked and confirmed that I had a miscarriage. Like what I mean is, the abortion I had did not flush out properly. They had to carry out a thorough flushing for me this time.
To be honest, I never told hubby I was pregnant when we broke up. It came as a shock to him and when we got home, he changed. Even though he says he cannot blame me for what I did during our breakup, he says he cannot forgive the fact that I had my first pregnancy for another man and I aborted him without telling him when we got back together.
For me, I did not see why I should tell him cos we were broken up for almost 9 months. And I was hurt and depressed during that time. I just wanted to forget and move on. Now, its like the trust between me and him is shaky now. We argue alot and in his anger few days ago, he said he should have never gone against his mother to marry me.
That really hurt me and since for the last two days, I have not spoken to him even though he said a very small sorry (which I am sure is not genuine) . I feel I will never win in this marriage. His mother does not like me. Now, my husband is judging me and mistrust me. I know its too soon but I feel like I need some time away from my husband to think things through.
Like are we really meant to be together? He loves me and he is a good man but he hurts me with his words and I too, I am beginning to resent him for all him and his mother put me through. I think I am still hurt. And being hurt and not appreciated makes me sad. Yes, I am sad in my marriage.
Sad and I need space. I want to tell my husband that I need some space, maybe go to UK for like 3 months. I feel choked and suffocated in this marriage….but I do not know how he will take it when I tell him I need some space…I mean, do married people take some time to be apart to clear their head? I just need some time otherwise, I fear we might not make it.
We keep hurting each other and regretting coming back to get married. What can we do? How do I communicate how I feel without hurting my husband and without him feeling hurt either? I just feel like taking time apart is what I need but I am also scared that might make things worse. Sometimes I fear we are not meant for each other like the mother has been saying?
Being together in the same space is choking me cos I don’t know why we cant seem to communicate better like we used to before the breakup…so, what if taking time apart might be worse…I really need help especially from anyone who has been in similar situation before. Will time apart help us or destroy us further? Please reach out and advise me. Thank you.
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