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Messed Up My Life After Falling In Love For The First Time In 24 Years -Pls Advice


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Messed Up My Life After Falling In Love For The First Time In 24 Years -Pls Advice

My name is Eva (not real name). I am 24 years old and I am pregnant. I grew up in a Christian and over protective home. I never had a boyfriend from secondary school to university. My parents and religion made me keep away from such carnal affairs.

After my final year, I was posted to Adamawa for my youth service. I was attached to a ministry for my assignment. That was how I met Ahmed. Ahmed is a civil servant who works in the ministry of Agric where I was posted. He is a Christian but he also attends moslem activities cos his father is a moslem.

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Ahmed was very nice to me and very friendly. I do not know if he did something to me but I found myself falling helplessly in love with him. He was so caring and loving. To the extent that I used to dream of having s*x with him. Note, I was a virgin and never had feelings this serious for anyone.

We became so close that he would drop me home everyday from work. People were even gossiping about us but we did not care. It was like I was so drawn to him like someone under a spell. He started kissing me and before long, caressing me. I told him I was a virgin and I won’t have s*x until I am married.

Ahmed told me he has a fiancée but since he met me, he thinks he will be making a mistake to go ahead and marry his Fiancée cos he is so in love with me. I believed him ma. He started talking about marriage plans. How he cannot wait to see my parents and all that.

All his sweet talk made me fall for him, I gave him my V and I got pregnant. I was so surprised cos he is my first and the only time we did not use condom was the first time. After the first time, he used condom but I still got pregnant. I was so scared when I found out and I ran to tell Ahmed.

Ahmed was shocked and he was like, what do we do? I was like, what kind of question is that? Now is the opportunity to marry me cos he has been saying he cannot wait to marry me. Only for Ahmed to tell me that its not that simple. That his fiancee that he wanted to break up with is pregnant and she is 8 months pregnant, so they quickly did their traditional wedding last month (while he was still with me).

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That the fiancée’s parents are influential people and they will not accept if Ahmed tried to dump their daughter. Ahmed was talking rubbish. I did not understand what he was saying cos I started crying and was thinking of my life. What do I say to my parents or my God…after 23 years of virginity…I now got pregnant to someone already married?

Ahmed then said he is happy to marry me if I agree to be his second wife. I was like, that is not the plan. I am a Christian and polygamy is not our practice and so I told him I will think about it.

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I had no choice but to break the disappointing news to my mother, she cried for days before telling my father. My baba was so angry that he told me to go and get an abortion as no daughter of his will be a second wife or a baby mama. My mother is against abortion. She wants me to have the baby cos she says all children are from God but she is against marriage to Ahmed as second wife.

I have been very depressed since. Ahmed deceived me. I found out the fiancée is actually a corper too that came to serve at the ministry last batch. Its like he deceives corpers and sleeps with them. Even though he is very caring but he deceived me.

My baba has said if I do not remove the pregnancy, that I seize to be his daughter. I have never seen my father so angry. Its like he hates me now. My mama is sad and both of them are now in disagreement because of me. I have disappointed my parents. How do I change this situation.

What should I do…marry Ahmed and have the baby? That means…my family will never forgive me…have the baby without marriage? My baba will disown me…abort the baby? What will God think of me? I am so depressed….sometimes I feel like ending it all by taking my life.

See how I messed up my life at 24…I do not know what to do…please advice me.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. When we warn people of sex before marriage, they say holier than thou, that why you should not be putting yourself in compromising states.

    DO NOT do abortion , I repeat do not do abortion, DO NOT marry Ahmed, you will REGRET it if you do, if you can get a family member that knows you well and nice, stay there, if you die nko, abeg make baba calm down jooor, its even a sin to GOD to do abortion.

    Pls, be strong, and forget about suicide, pregnancy is not the end of the world, you will be fine, speak good and positive words to yourself, it works, listen to sermons, you can try Joyce Meyer.

    Dear sister, its not the end of the world, pls DROP that suicide thought, why will you do that cos you are pregnant, just take care and do the necessary medical check ups, cheer up, better days are ahead

    You will be fine. Peace

  2. So sorry dear Poster for what you’re going through. Just so you know, you’re not alone. I understand that it may seem disappointing but I agree with your Mother, children are a blessing from God. What has happened, has happened.
    I encourage you to keep the pregnancy, stay away from home for now because your Dad is still angry. Do not commit abortion for any reason. Try getting Ahmed’s family involved as much as possible so that you have financial support.
    It’s not going to be an easy road but please be encouraged that this moment will pass.

  3. My dear it’s too late to regret, God being so good you are already a graduate part of the journey is gone, find a nice family member you trust stay with them and have your baby see your dad will be the one carrying your baby all days of the year, he can’t help but love his grandchild it’s just nature, God is against abortion you sinned yes but adding more sin won’t make it right. Have your baby, get a job love yourself love your child and the world won’t have a choice but to love you too,
    Pregnancy is not the end of your life, it’s actually the beginning. God will be by you all through the journey

  4. There are some mistakes that alters one step in life and you’re practically in one. You have to go the hard way, you made a mistake now you have to correct that mistake before it gets too late. Ahmed never loved you and never will. Now get yourself together go for that evacuation! Go hard on yourself and bounce back on your fit. It’s so sad you learnt the hard way. You’re practically carrying a mistake you’ll have to nuture for the rest of your life. Find a good specialist hospital and get that procedure done. Go back to your parents apologize to them, then go make it right with your maker. Go and sin no more.

  5. well given advice already. please work with them. pregnancy is not the end of the world. you can pick up the pieces , give yourself time to heal and start afresh. that child may be the next Bill clinton or Obama tomorrow. (they were too children out of wedlock) . This Ahmed guy ll meet his waterloo. please dont marry him.

    if youre hardworking and dedicated to your God, you ll meet a man that will turn things around for good for you and your child. please, be patient as you walk through this path of your life. i pray God ll speak to your Father , it can be truly hurt n diappointing. But time will heal everyone hurting. Just remain remorseful, stoop low and watch how Baba ll eventually find a place to forgive you and love your child.
    You yourself need time to heal. please dont be hard on you. all will be well.


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