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My Husband Is No Longer Attracted To Me – What Else Should I Do?

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My Husband Is No Longer Attracted To Me – What Else Should I Do?

What do you do when your husband or wife is no longer attracted to you s*xually? Funny how one man’s meat is another man’s poison. I am a 37 year old woman with three children. I got married to the love of my life 11 years ago but it has not been all roses. Infact, it has been a bumpy ride since. My husband and I used to be so in love with each other until after the birth of our first son.

Infact, we were so in love when we were dating that we could not go past two sday without making love. We both met when I was working in a real estate firm. He was a client that was looking to invest in some property. At the time, he had just come out of a nasty divorce.

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We became so close that I would sometimes stop by in his office just to have a quickie. It was fun and so much fun. We were also inseparable, had so much dreams together. We got married and it was so much fun again but when  got pregnant, it was a difficult pregnancy…I was under bed rest for six months of my pregnancy.

Maybe it was the weight gain added to it but after my first son, something happened. We began to drift apart. He was the one who started to complain that I was not into it anymore but I was always tired and to be honest, s*x was tiring for me. It was like a chore. I knew it was my duty to my husband so most times, just for peace, I just lie there and let him have his way.

Things did not get better. I also had post partum depression cos my husband and I were not connecting but arguing more and more. I suspected he even started cheating but I never caught him. I saw messages from girls and he would keep late night sometimes.

We had our second and third child but by this time, my husband had given up on s*x with me. I became the one who started begging him for s*x. When I clocked 35 years, my body just changed. I became very horny most times. I went back to my old self before marriage.

I wanted more and more s*x but my husband said he is no longer s*xually attracted to me. What? I am a very beautiful woman by all standards. I am tall, curvy in the right places and I still look great but my husband blamed me for pushing him away. I cursed him for giving up on us. I cried and cried. Why is marriage so hard? I got tired. I tried to accept my fate … for the last two years, we have not had s8x up to 3 times.

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And then, something happened few days ago. After dropping off my children from school, I decided to go to the car wash to clean my car. At the car wash, I met a man who walked towards me and asked me if I knew one Chioma? I said no…he said he could swear I look like a former colleague, Chioma.

Well, we started talking as we both waited for our cars to be washed. It was refreshing to talk to someone. It was clear he was flirting with me and somehow, I liked it cos I have not felt wanted by a man in a long time. He convinced me to tell him about myself and we found out we were both in similar situation in our marriage.

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He said, he has been married for 16 years and he and his wife are no longer attracted to each other. We talked about alot of things, marriage, challenges and family, business …etc. And then he said something my husband as not told me for so long…he said…damn, you are so s*xy. I was like: are you kidding me? He was like, lets meet and I was like how…

This man and I exchanged nos and started chatting with each other. It was mainly dirty s8xy chat. I needed to hear those words. I masturbated to his voice as he told me mad things I wanted to hear. He wanted me and I wanted him. God why? Why? Why this temptation?  He said he has never cheated on his wife in their 16 years of marriage but meeting me, he was instantly attracted to me.

One early morning, soon as I dropped my kids off at school, I drove to meet him in a hotel he was waiting for me. We were both turned on so bad that we almost ate each other up. It was hot and wild and when it was over, my entire body was on fire. I wanted more and more…he too wanted more and more. Oh God!

However, when I got home, guilt has been consuming me. I want to be with him again but I am unhappy at this cos even though my husband is no longer attracted to me, I still respect him and love him. I told my lover that I cannot go on like this. I blocked him and stopped talking to him.

I channeled all my pent up s8xual energy to my husband. When my husband came home last night. I told him I wanted him to f*ck my like mad else I would cheat on him cos I am tired of not being wanted. My husband pushed me aside and told me he was tired and I should not start with my nagging again.

Here I was…begging my own husband to f*ck me when someone else is willing and happy to do more than I even asked him…all my efforts to seduce my husband failed last night. I felt so angry and betrayed.  Now, I know, nothing can change my husband so tell me, what is stopping me from cheating on him again?

Why am I looking at my lover’s phone no and feeling the strongest urge to call him…he is married…his wife does not want him…I am married…my husband does not want me…is this not destiny? Is this a sign that its time to end this marriage? What else am I in this marriage for?

Is marriage not for love and companionship and affection? My marriage lacks all 3 attributes and right now, I feel I am too young at 37 to live without s8x for the rest of my life. Please advice me on what to do. I have suggested counselling to my husband and he refused. I am not the prayerful type before but this matter has made me pray yet no change.

So, Is this a sign to find love and happiness in this new man that is giving me what I want: friendship, love, great s*x and companionship? Some people say you sometimes grow separately as your marriage grows…mine has certainly grown apart…I am tired of begging my husband to make love to me.

I just have one question: how come my own husband is not attracted to me but another married man is? what should I do to change this situation before its too late. If I call Mr. Lover man again, I fear, I may be on a point of no return. Truly, one man’s meat…what else am I supposed to do to win my husband’s affection back?

All I worked for in my 11 years of marriage might just be over. I have thought about my children as the reason I am still in this marriage but my children will grow up and leave me one day…and I will be a dry leaf.  I have heard some people say, that is marriage …I should just accept it but its very difficult to accept… I am deeply frustrated.

I do not want to cheat but what other options do I have? God put the desire for a man in me…what am I going to do with that desire that is eating me up everyday? Please advice me.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. It is well with you sister. temptations are bound to come but, we have been assured by God that none will be beyond us. This situationship is thriving on secrecy , i.m happy for you that you can atleast let it out here.
    the truth is that not only men go through this mid- life crisis again, the women folk are vulnureble too because of exposures at work and all. the earlier, husbands know, the better. so they dont think its still just a man’s thing to face sexual temptations outside the home.

    Be that as it may sis, one thing should keep you going : your children. How will you feel if the repercussions of yielding to these temptation falls on your children? thats why you need to staY strong despite the neglect. this is marriage o. when love, commitment and companionship fails, pls let the love for your children keep you going. you ll reap the reward of your perserverance.

    also, live one day at a time. find strength/grace daily to go through this phase of your life. involve God in your affairs daily. if you fail today, dont leave God tomorrow because you have failed today. and I assure you that, if you do put God in your affairs today, he ll lead you in the path of HIS righteousness today, tomorrow and even more just because you did today.

    You should also distract yourself with activities and possibly stay accountable to a person that will help you through this phase.

    The Lord ll be with you, you ll not fail you ll not fall.

  2. My dear sister, i will be honest with you, no matter how bad your marriage is, if you commit adultery is, it is your fault not your husbands fault, you met a man and you guys started talking, he told you are sexy and you felt good, you met and committed adultery, i will tell you this sister, i am just 29 years old to be 30 in few months BUT i dont flirt with married women even unmarried ones too and never will, i give them distance.

    That man is a FOOLISH and WICKED man, he told you his wife doesnt like him anymore bla bla bla, cut the nonsense sister, you slept with another womans husband, you ought to go on days fasting asking GOD for forgiveness, the way im hard on you is the same way i have been hard on men that post their stories here of cheating on their wives.

    Do you know sleeping with another woman’s husband is murder, why do we deceive ourselves, you are married why will you allow such, you said you blocked his No and still looking at it, pls aunty, delete his No and stop justifying this wickedness with his wife doesnt love him, your husband doesnt want you, so both of you are good together…no no no, this is evi.

    You are not in love, you are in lust, “THERE IS NO LOVE IN ADULTERY”, adultery is evil.

    My dear sister, read the pages of scriptures and read how GOD warned many times of adultery, if you dont know, know now, adultery takes people to hell faster than any other sin, im not being judgemental, any that accuses me of being judgemental is not being honest…RUN RUN RUN as fast and far as you can from adultery.

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