My Fiancé’s Family Told Him I Am Not God’s Will For Him-Pls Advice
Good evening ma,
My name is Juliet (not real name). I am a silent follower for like a year now. I have an issue. I am 28 years old. I was dating an Igbo man for two and a half years. I am from middle belt. We love each other so much but his family kind of do not like the fact that I am not an Igbo girl.
Last year, this man relocated to Turkey permanently for business. The plan was for me to join him after our marriage. His entire family is aware of our relationship, our marriage introduction was done but the engagement was planned for later on in the year. I took his family like mine and I even used to go spend weekend with them. I cook, clean and shop for them.
They try their best to accept me but I sense that little resistance sometimes. For example, the mother will be speaking Igbo to me when she knows I cannot understand or speak it…when I ask her why, she will say I better learn the language cos how will her son marry someone who cannot teach her grandchildren how to speak Igbo.
I tell her that I will learn but she will keep mocking me and making me feel uncomfortable. I sometimes tell my man but he will tell me to relax and accept his family cos his family is important to him. Well, just about two months to our engagement, out of the blues, my man called me to say that his Aunty from Ghana had a revelation that I am not God’s will for him.
Well, it was a shock and disappointment for me cos before I could understand what was going on, the entire family stopped talking to me, stopped me from visiting them, my man kept apologizing for wasting my time but he cannot go against prophecy. I told him the prophesy was a lie but he did not believe me.
I suspected that his family just wanted to get me out of the picture. My mom, a single mom was very sad but she encouraged me to move on. I loved this man cos he used to treat me very well and take care of my and my family’s needs. I cried and cried for weeks but eventually, I let go.
For my sanity, I refused to date anyone immediately cos I was still hurt. But after like 5 months, I noticed, a manager where I work trying to flirt with me. The man is engaged but he said he wished its me he met before his engagement cos he likes me alot. Well ma, to be honest, I was not interested but this man keeps buying me gifts and I have to support my mother cos she is not very well and cannot work.
I know I was wrong for accepting those gifts but I needed the support. Then he asked me what will I do for him since he has been giving me nice things. I told him what can I do, and he said, to be his special friend and just make him happy…well, I know what that means. I spent a weekend with him in a hotel and he was very generous to me.
Everyone knows how tough things are, I earn less than 35k every month as a graduate. Its not enough for feeding and transport, not to talk of taking care of my mom and my siblings. I had to maintain cos my fiancé that was helping me was no more.
The manager and I have this affair going for like 3 months going now. And out of the blues, my ex fiancé calls me and says he wants me back. That he was deceived by his family to marry an Igbo girl but he discovered its me he loves and he is sorry. I told him I now have a boyfriend but he is refusing to give up.
Ma, I need your advice, should I go to my ex and make up with him? Or should I remain with this manager who is engaged to be married to someone else? If I go back to my ex…will his family accept me fully or will they continue to treat me like an inferior person just because I am not from the same place as them? I think they also do not like that their son is assisting my family financially. Its well.
Another thing, when I was with my ex, I was a virgin, now I am no more. Should I tell him or just keep quiet about it? Cos, its not like I knew were were going to reconcile abi?
If its according to who I love to choose from…I love my ex more than the manager. The manager is just for support purpose but my ex loves me so much and I love him so much, he loves my mother and family so much..,, he takes care of all their financial needs from schooling to rent to allowance, etc.
I just feel so hurt that he dumped me for a stupid trick his family played on him cos they don’t like their son to marry a none Igbo woman. What should I do?
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