HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: I Cannot Control My Secret Desires Anymore

True Life Story: I Cannot Control My Secret Desires Anymore

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True Life Story: I Cannot Control My Secret Desires Anymore

Good day house,

I will be quick about this. I am a 43 year old married woman. I married my husband at 22, my husband is 18 years older than me. He is a good man but he is also of the older generation and that affects his personality sometimes. He is not a romantic man, he believes once he has provided for his family, then everything else is ok.

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Personally, I never complained about our s*x life because when we got married, it was all about having babies and raising small children. Now, my children are grown and gone to the boarding house, now I have alot of time on my hands and I have become enlightened so much about s8xual satisfaction that should exist in a marriage and I can say, I have none whatsoever.

I have never experienced an orgasm. I contemplated talking to my husband about our s*x life but we have never discussed s8x in our marriage. If he is in the mood, he just climbs on me and does his thing. I find it hard to tell him I am feeling horny or I want to experience orgasm.

So, I started watching p*rn and secretly ordered for a vibrator cos, when I hit my mid thirties, I started experiencing some weird urge for s*x which my husband could not fulfill. I mean, I was horny constantly. I became addicted to porn. Once I am alone, I just begin to masturbate and watch p*rn.

That has been my secret of coping because I cannot do anything else to cure my urge. Unfortunately, something happened to my phone. It crashed and I was looking for how to fix it. That is how my drycleaner told me that he repairs phones. I was like ok, I gave him the phone and he fixed it for me.

READ ALSO: True Life Story: Tired Of Keeping Secrets-I Just Want To Be Happy

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The day he returned the phone, he said he wanted to tell me something, I was like what? He said…he saw the p*rn videos I had on my phone and he was like wondering what a very young and s3xy looking woman like myself is doing with such. I was mad at him for going through my phone but he was like, he is sorry but he feels I can do other things to get s*xual satisfaction apart from watching p*rn.

When I asked him what I can do, he said, I can pay him for his services. That we can be friends with benefits. That its not a relationship but he will be satisfying me while I just pay him. I told him I would never do that cos I am a married woman. He said alright but one day, out of frustration, I called him and I met at his place and he f*cked me the way my husband has never done.

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Till today, I regret my action. I did that once but everyday I want to repeat it. I even paid him 20k for a second experience but I have not been able to remove the guilt I feel to actually go ahead again. I know its wrong but I cannot control how my body react anymore. Its driving me insane. I do not want to loose my marriage over insatiable s*x urge. What else can I do? I pray and fast but its nit helping.

Of course, I do not use the guy anymore for my dry cleaning but that has not stopped me from thinking about him everyday. This is my secret. I promise not to ever cheat with another man in my life again but that secret is killing me. The urge is fighting me everyday.

I am young, my body is always on heat, I try to control it but the struggle is real everyday. Are there other women like me, what do you do to manage this situation? Please advice me. I know my marriage is more important than the desires I have but I just need your advice if there is anything that I can do to reduce my struggle with s*x, porn and masturbation. Or is this a completely normal struggle for all women in similar situation?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello my dear, I feel ur struggles. But I think u have to extensively involve your husband in your feelings. Tell him how u feel about the s3x life in the marriage, how it is driving you crazy.
    When he did nothing about it, then I advise u secretly give him something to drink that will ginger him for s3x…

    My take.

  2. You can’t overcome such feelings with fasting and praying. You need to talk to your husband about it. Communication is very important in marriage and your husband should certify you and perform his matrimonial duties

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