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True Life Story: Her Family Arranged Someone To Marry Her But She Still Wants Me

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True Life Story: Her Family Arranged Someone To Marry Her But She Still Wants Me

Good day house,

My name is Ahmed (not real name). I am 30 years old. I been working for almost 4 years now in Lagos. I started as security guard because I was also doing my part time schooling. My fiancé is working in her father’s business way back in Kaduna, we have been engaged since 3 years now.

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Last year, my fiancee told me that she is getting pressured from her family to get married. She is 25 years old and they feel all her younger sisters are already married. Even though they know we are engaged and in love, they say we should get married or they will find another suitor for her.

However, the reason I have been posting the wedding is because I do not have a good job or income to do the wedding or even support my family when we marry. My fiancée is from a well to do family and she is used to a particular lifestyle. I dont want her to come and suffer in my house.

Right now, I live in a one room face me I face you in Lagos. Things are hard for me cos I am also the first born in my family. The small money I make, which is 48k after deductions every  month, I send to my family back in Kebbi and I try to save like 10k for every month towards the wedding. What I have saved for the wedding is just 90k.

I have pleaded with my fiancée to be a bit patient. She wanted us to do our introduction this December and get married before the end of March next year but I could not make it this December, so I told her, that we will do everything in March: introduction and wedding together.

My plan was to go and see her this Christmas. But I didn’t tell her, cos I wanted to surprise her. But she now surprised me. On the 13th of December, she told me that her father has introduced one rich man to her for marriage but that I should not worry, that she will never agree, that its me she loves.

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That put my mind to rest so I travelled on the 20th of this month to KD. On getting to KD, I went straight to her house and I was told she was not around. Her parents also gave me a very cold welcome. I then tried to explain to her father that I know why he is cold to me, I tried to reassure him that I will definitely be coming for wedding in March next year.

This man did not answer me. All he said was : hmmm. I called my fiancée, she didn’t pick. So, I decided to wait for her. Eventually she came like almost 7.30pm that day. She was dropped off by a Mercedes Benz. When she saw me, she acted like she saw a ghost. I was surprised too cos I wondered where she was, that she couldn’t pick my call or return my call and now, she’s returning by 7.30pm, so late, in this Kaduna that has insecurity issues.

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I asked her where she was, she just told me to go, that its late. That she will come and see me in my place in the morning. I was so disturbed but I left. By 7am, the next day, she came to my place. And she started crying. Saying that she went out with the rich guy her father introduced her to. That her father insisted. That she didn’t want to but she just wanted to get her father off her back.

My fiancée later said, the guy tried to make her spend the night with him but she insisted on going home that yesterday evening, that was why she came back so late. I was angry cos I felt my fiancée could have done everything not to go out with that guy no matter what. I asked her if she slept with him, she said no cos she will remain a virgin until marriage. She said, he only tried to kiss her but she refused.

Now, I believe my fiancée is telling me the truth. But the real fear I have now is, with this rich guy around, I stand a big chance of loosing my fiancée, the pressure on her is too much. She has said, if I do not do introduction and marry her tis first week new year, she will no longer wait for me.

My fiancée promised to loan me 100k for the wedding. That she does not mind suffering with me until things get better for me. I am worried that my fiancée is going out already with this man and worst, her family is pressure us to marry immediately or cancel everything, that means, breakup now. I told my parents and they say anything I want to do, they support me but they also understand that I am not ready financially.

Please what do I do? Do I just marry and take this my fiancée to Lagos with me in my small room? She may not even have a job for a while, how do we survive until she gets a job? I asked her if she will remain with her parents after the marriage so I can stabilize, she said no, that her parents will not understand, they want her married away.

We talked and talked about this matter throughout the day. She later went home around 4pm. On getting home, she found out that the rich man and his family were coming for marriage introductions the next day. She quickly called me. I was frantic, so I called the father and told him that me and my family are coming on Christmas day for introduction, that he should please be patient.

My fiancée’s father said ok but to our greatest surprise, he still received the family of that man the next day and accepted their wedding proposal. My fiancée called me and was crying. Saying its all my fault. This was on the 23rd. Her father stopped picking my calls. On the 24th, we went to her place with my family to do our own introduction cos my girl was like, I have to come immediately.

On getting there, my girl was not around, we were told she went out with the man. My father and his kinsmen that came with me were so embarrassed. We left that day. On Christmas day, my girl came to my place, begging me, saying her father forced her to go with the man yesterday. I became so upset and told her to leave and go back to her father and her new rich guy.

I have not been happy since but my girl has been begging me not to give up. That she loves me and wants to be with me. She is trying to get her father to change his mind and accept me but I feel so much embarrassment already. Is there any point? When her family has disgraced mine jus because we don’t have money? Are these the kind of in-laws I want?

In my heart, I also suspect my girl has slept with this guy cos when I kissed her the last time, she was no longer the shy girl I used to know. She was kissing me so much, that if I didn’t stop, we would have had s*x. Before now, when I try to kiss her, she will be pulling away, shy…I think she has become s*xually exposed, maybe she even wants me to sleep with her.

What do I stand to gain again in this relationship? My girl is crying, begging me not to abandon her but look at the situation, what else can I do?  The part I don’t get is, even if her father is pushing her, why is she spending time with this man and still begging me? Telling me, after she waited for me for 3 years, I am paying her with evil but my hands are tied and I am filled with so much suspicion and anger at what is going on.

My family may not agree to come with me for another introduction when that man is still coming around her. I love my fiancée so much but I have no control over what is happening right now. I am supposed to leave for Lagos tomorrow, I am so confused right now, what else can I do to change the situation? I need your advice…

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. To be honest you are a simp. Her father is acting like this and the lady too. The only thing I can tell you is you are a weak man. Stop this your woman worship, acting like you can’t luv without a woman. Be a man not a simp.

  2. My brother I feel your pain. Let go off and focus on building yourself and making money. If you marry now you rarely attend and your dream life because everything will be stunted. Let her go. Let this be a motivation for you to attend greatness in your life.

  3. Dear bro, pls let her go and don’t let anybody force you to do what you’re not capable of at the moment.
    Pls move on and focus on other things.
    The Lord is your strength.

  4. Wit u story it show d lady has interest in d rich guy,but only pretending to u as if nothing is happening.. My brother u still v a long way to go in achieving ur dreams,let go off her n pray for a lady Dat will build up life wit u.. If u marry her self there is a poof she will later leave u ..

  5. This is not your own fight. It’s primarily the lady’s fight and since she keeps going out with that man, that means she is not ready to fight this situation with her father about you. So let it go. If she really wants you only in her life as a husband, she would fight for you. She will never accept to follow that man out as she will act against her father wishes forcefully and let disagreement come between them. This one that she is playing both of you (you and the man), she seems confused but she is definitely allowing herself to be confused as she also wishes to spend the rest of her life with that rich man as it is a better future for her in terms of comfort after marriage.

    Therefore, let it go. Keep in touch with her but always tell her that you can never have anything to do with her again except if she cuts off that man totally and kill off all the wedding plans with her father. So if she doesn’t do this, then sadly you just have to move on. Because if you should force her to stay by your side without her fighting by herself to stay by your side, she will definitely not be satisfied with you and the marital life, if you desperately get married quickly. And this will eventually lead to her disrespecting you and also cheating, as men won’t stop enticing her with money even as a married woman.

    Focus more on yourself and get better in your own career and financial life. You will eventually find a lady that will appreciate you just as you are. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.

  6. I see most people blaming the girl but you must also put the girl into consideration, she is going through a lot of pressure. There is a role a father plays in marriage especially in the North. I can understand the girl to an extent. I also understand the guy to. They both love each other and will be better together. I think you should go back again and ask for her hand, it is worth it.

  7. This is really a tough one sorry. Lord knows you’ve tried your best to see that things worked out well but it didn’t. It is always hard for a young and struggling dude.
    The only thing I’ll say now is no need to focus on things you can’t control.

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