True Life Experience: My Husband Is HIV Positive And Blames Me For Cheating
Please hide my identity. I am a 35 year old married woman needing your help. I got married to my husband six years ago. Two years into our marriage, my husband got HIV. I was devastated because it later revealed that he was cheating on me with someone in his office and several other women who must have given him the virus.
By that time, I was already pregnant with our son. It was a very devastating period for me. Thank God, my test came out negative. I moved out of my husband’s house for a year cos I could not accept the fact that I was married to someone who not only cheated on me but has the tendency to infect me with a deadly disease.
With the retroviral treatments, my husband was able to manage the disease. Him and his family started begging me and my family. They asked a doctor to speak to me about the fact that the disease cannot be contacted by me if we get back together and my husband continues to use condom when we have s3x.
After alot of prayers, counselling and medical consultations, I moved back into my husband’s house last year. Since that time, we have been using protection. Its not the same but we do not have a choice. Now, I have been trying to have a second child and the only way to do that in a safe way is through IVF. Its been a very tough one cos the IVF is expensive and the first trial I had did not stay.
That was early this year. I was still hoping the do another one before the end of the year or next year. Only for my husband to hit me with another bomb. I stumbled on my husband’s chat with a girl in October. The girl was telling him that she is pregnant for him and he was denying the pregnancy.
I was furious. Another cheating again? What is all these. When I confronted my husband, he denied everything. But I began to threaten to expose him and tell the girl that he has HIV. That was when he confessed and said he didnt do it because he wanted to hurt me but because having s3x with condom is not enjoyable…that he just wanted to feel it naturally, that is why he had s3x with a random girl, someone who does not know his status.
To my surprise, my husband explained that as long as his viral load has been undetectable for six months, he is unable unable to pass HIV along through s3x and as long as he continue to take his HIV treatments and remain undetectable. He says he can have s3x without a condom without worrying about passing HIV to anyone.
So I asked him why didn’t he tell me about his discovery, he said, he was just being careful cos he loves me and does not want to take any chances with me, that is why he would not make love to me without condom but he would take his chances with a complete stranger. I was angry but what he said made sense but what about getting someone else pregnant?
My husband was able to convince the girl to get an abortion, he showed me the proof that he took her for an abortion. Mind you, I do not support my husband cheating or lying about his HIV status. After that incident, my husband has been trying to make love with me without using a condom. I am scared.
I know it can be safe but it can also be dangerous. He is begging me to allow him a few times, cos he does not want to cheat on me again. That girls are throwing themselves at him and he is facing temptation daily.
Few days ago, he tried to penetrate and I discovered he didn’t use protection, I got angry and pushed him away. He also got angry and started staying rubbish…that if I cant satisfy him s3xually, maybe we should just part ways…or let him sleep with other women that will give him what he wants…that its like I want to keep punishing him cos he has HIV. That he cannot live the rest of his life like this.
I cried and cried cos I know how frustrating he feels but I cannot put my life in danger. My husband has barely spoken to me since two days ago. I spoke to my doctor and he repeated the same thing. He said the drugs my husband is taking can keep us safe but that its not 100% guarantee. He also said that if I have unprotected s3x with my husband or anyone else, I must continue to test every 3 months for HIV.
Everyone is saying the ball is in my court. That I either choose to remain in this marriage and face the risk or leave the marriage so my husband can marry someone that can s3xually satisfy him. My husband is saying if I truly love him and have forgiven him, I will do this for him…
Is this not emotional blackmail? How do I stay and let him f*ck whoever he wants, just so he does not put my life in danger? Or actually put my life in danger to prove my love for him? . I am being selfish?…I am afraid…Is this worth the risk? Should I leave the marriage? What should I do please?
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