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True Life Story: My Husband Is Living With Another Woman-What Should I Do?

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True Life Story: My Husband Is Living With Another Woman-What Should I Do?

Good day ma,

Please hide my ID. I am tired of my marriage. I am at the verge of quitting my 9 years marriage because since I got married, I have never enjoyed being married for once. Its been pain and suffering and I am really tired right now. I do not want to remain in a marriage simply because I want to remain married. I might end up dying of depression or suffering.

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I am 31 years old but if you see me, you will think I am 45 or 49 years old because of suffering. I got pregnant nine years ago where I was working as a cleaner for a dispatch man. He convinced me he loves me so much and rushed to meet my parents that he wants to marry me. I was 22 years old. I came to Lagos for a better life but the only job I could find since I didn’t have any certificate was cleaning work.

I married my husband and had my first child. Things were very bad financially but he would keep telling me that he will make it in this life, that I should not worry. Since then, I have given birth to 3 children and things have not changed. If anything, they are worse because we are still managing on his salary of 28k while I do my cleaning plus petty trade.

The way we are living in one room apartment is no longer ok cos the children are growing very fast now. Instead of things to improve, my husband and I quarrel everyday, he will abusing me, saying I am the reason for his bad luck. The next thing, he started cheating and when I challenge him, he will be like, I should stop challenging him because he is tired of our union that did not bring him anything but bad luck.

Since we married, my parents are not happy cos they see how I am suffering, raising my children all by my self. I try to cover my husband from my parents but many times. I have to send my first daughter to stay with them cos we cannot even feed well. Last year, my husband moved out of our house and started living with one woman. Initially, I was fighting him for leaving us to go and stay with another woman but when I realize he does not care about us, I stopped.

Finally, I moved back to my family last year July because when our rent expired, I could not pay rent or our bills myself. I have been struggling with my parents help since that time. In September, my husband sent me 50k and since then, every month, he sends us 50k.

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Clearly, he gets money from the woman he is staying with. We manage with the money and things are getting a bit stable for us. Yes, my husband sends us money regularly but he does not visit us. I have not been with a man for almost a year. Since my husband has decided to move on with another woman, I want to move on too.

My people sent message to his people that they should be aware that the marriage between me and their son is over, next thing, my husband came and started to beg, that I should give him some time. That he is with that woman so he can take care of us. That he knows he has wronged me but he has struggled all his life yet he has not made it in life. That him being with this woman in a relationship is just friends with benefits…she just want a man by her side.

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I told my husband that I cannot do this kind of marriage where he is living with another woman while I am hiding in the village. He said I should give him some time. That before the end of the year, he will have enough money to bring us back to Lagos.

Then, this last December, my childhood friend called me, that her elder brother who lives in South Africa lost his wife for over two years is looking for a wife. That she wants me to marry him. The man came to see me and my parents On Christmas day and gave us alot of gifts and money. This man is seriously interested in me. He wants us to marry before Easter this year.

Ma, I want to be happy and live a better life. Even though I don’t know much about this man but he seems like he can provide the kind of life that me and my children deserve. He has one son from his late wife. My only issue is that, there are rumors that the man’s source of wealth is not genuine. He told me he is into importation of goods.

We discussed 3 days ago, that I should divorce my husband so his family can come and do the marriage rites for us to begin the marriage before March this new year. I asked why the rush, he says he wants to marry a good woman who will take care of his son and his home, that if I am not interested, he will move on to someone who is ready immediately.

I have an opportunity to marry a man who has money to take care of me but I wish there was no rush. Do you think I should accept his proposal (I do not want to miss an opportunity to end this suffering) Or should I wait for my husband’s to fulfill his promise of bringing us back before the end of the year? Maybe things will be better then, who knows? Which option do you think is better for me?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. I think you shouldn’t jump from one marriage to another.
    Your husband did you wrong but I believe he has plans for his family.
    Take your time and pray.
    Give your husband an ultimatum and still try to sort out things with him.
    All the best!

  2. I think you need to to exercise patience a bit. Don’t rush into this new relationship, relax small and be praying for God’s to lead you. Your husband is still fighting for betterment of the family so be patient.

    Don’t rush to marry that man, the rumours might be true so take time.

    God got your back…

  3. You don’t love this new man, its what he can provide you are after, its all in your post, so why should it even be an Issue, how will you feel if a lady married your son cos of his money, can you see its just greed you will display if you do.

    A man you don’t know, came to visit you and your parents, brought gifts and money and you collected them, who does that. This is wrong.

    Forget about the man and sort your issue with your husband and WARN your husband, he is committing adultery, I’m sorry for him, he is destroying himself.

  4. Dear poster, what exactly are you after?
    Shouldn’t you be checking the true nature and character of this man? It’s easy to assume the state of things from afar, but a different thing to have a personal experience of it. Who says he’s not exactly like your husband or maybe even worse?

    Marriage is more than money. It is not a poverty alleviation scheme! And running from one shaky marriage to another you’re very uncertain about is unwise.
    Do not be pressured to rush into a thing like marriage, especially with a background situation as yours. Please take time to pray about this and get to know this man first. This is ultimately for your own good.
    God bless you

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