True Life Story: A Therapist View-P*rn Is Okay For Married People, Do You Agree?
Hi Lively Stones,
Please help me look into this matter. I specifically brought this matter to lively stones because I have been following you for a while and I feel comfortable about the advice from here. I am usually not a suspicious kind of person, I am also by the grace of God a born again Christian. I live simply because I do not want any trouble. My wife and I got married 4 years ago. She is the most beautiful woman I know, she is kind, very godly and very humble.
My wife and I were virgins when we got married too. It was God’s will for both of us. I know, both of us are inexperienced in matters of s3x but we are committed to learning each other and not denying each other s3x as the bible commands.
We have 2 children: 3 years and almost one year old. Even with the vaginal birth that my wife had with the two children, she is still as tight as she was the first day we first made love. This used to bother me because, she used to feel pain when am trying to penetrate her and that used to turn me off. I do not want to make her uncomfortable too. So, I try not to pressure her too much for s3x.
Then about five months ago,I got a marriage seminar invitation from a colleague at work. This woman is a believer too but from another ministry. She told me so many nice things at about the seminar. How it has worked wonders for many Christian couples. I looked forward to the seminar cos I too love to learn.
On that day, my wife and I attended the program. We were surprised that a s3x therapist was brought to speak at the program. I was shy but again, we are learning. I must say the program was enlightening. That was when I got to learn about s3x being more emotional than physical. My wife was very happy, she took the therapist phone number after the program, maybe to ask further questions.
Since that time, she is always chatting with the therapist. Three months ago, I started noticing my wife was being more vocal during s3x. She seemed to be trying most of the things she is learning from the therapist. My wife started saying things like…harder…harder…faster…I was a bit surprised but I obliged her.
My wife seemed to be wanting to have s3x more and more. I started to wonder if it was the same program we both attended. She never complained of pain anymore. She was more about getting orgasm and that began to put me under pressure. She would be telling me not to stop or come and sometimes, these things cannot be controlled.
Whenever I come before she comes, she gets offended at me. I told her to relax, its not everything the therapist says that must work because people are different. My wife still will be giving me attitude. Then, my wife told me about an online class that the therapist was organizing. And she said, it would be with other couples sharing what they do to keep their relationship spicy.
I was already getting tired of this therapist because since we met her, my wife has become so s3xually aware that its becoming worrisome. Every time, she will be telling me something new about s3x that she just learnt…role play, different positions for different pleasures…etc…it was too much s3x knowledge for a former virgin like me o, I wont lie.
Well, just to please my wife, who was glowing like she just discovered a new world of candies….I had to let her register us and we attended the online class. This class was a bit more raw and disturbing because it was not organized in church and there were all kinds of couple there sharing their experiences.
A couple actually said they engage in threesomes to keep their s3x life exciting. I gasped and shouted blood of Jesus to which many laughed. I was like, no way. I am not judging these people but I am a Christian, that is adultery as far as I am concerned. I told my wife that its enough. What we have learnt is enough for now. No more s3x therapy classes.
I told my wife not to contact the therapist again. I still noticed my wife’s s3xual expression was getting wild. I did not say anything but I did not like it. Until last Saturday, I was at home watching TV. My wife was doing her chores and my phones were charging, so I wanted to use my wife’s phone to google something.
That was when her browser history showed that she had been going to some adult sights. That was enough surprise for me but the most of it was that, she was going to adult sites showing threesomes. And I saw that most of the expressions of the p*rn stars are the same expression that my wife has been demonstrating when we are being intimate.
I called my wife inside and locked the door. I showed her what I saw on her phone. She was shocked I found out. I now started telling her that she is doing wrong for watching p*rn and not just any p*rn but threesomes. She said the therapist told her p*rn is not a sin if you are married. That it is good for inexperienced people to learn about how to enjoy s3x in marriage. I asked her what about the threesome, she said…its just fantasy … that if you cannot do it but you can fantasize about it.
Now, I am very worried. P*rn is a sin no matter what anyone says. Its looking at other people having s3x and having lust when you watch them. So, why would a believer say its not a sin? And above all, its threesome p*rn…is that not Sodom and Gomorrah. My wife thinks I am an old school Christian. That anything is permissible as long as you are married in the eyes of the law.
What has happened please? Did I expose my wife to something bad or am I the one that needs enlightenment? I talked to the therapist. She has years of experience and she says its religion that has kept people like me from experiencing what God has permitted within marriage. The question she asked me was, if I can watch a cooking show, where they teach people how to cook, that watching other people have s3x and using it to better your marriage s3x is not wrong.
This lady showed me several chapters in the book of Solomon in the bible and likened it to what we call p*rn today. The therapist says that there is nothing holy or unholy about s3x in marriage…that there is no prescribed way of doing s3x better in the bible because it does not matter to God what you and your spouse do during s3x. She explained that when believers don’t achieve their s3xual potential in marriage, that is when cheating comes in. She said I should be happy that my wife is expressing herself in marriage now instead of cheating behind my back which some pretentious believers do.
I see where she is coming from but is this not a bit too much? I am confused. I just need clarification on this matter. Am I being old school believer or what? I am more worried for my wife…the things she’s learning…now, she is no longer tight…she’s wide and she’s always shouting deeper…harder…my fear is that with the way she is going, I hope she will not suddenly feel I am not enough for her one day? I kind of prefer her when both of us were naïve and did not so much about s3x…it was less stressful and less with suspicions. What has happened?
My wife says she is happier now than since we have been married…Is this good or bad? Please advice.
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