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True Life Story: How I Rushed Into Marriage Without Considering My Emotional Needs

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True Life Story: How I Rushed Into Marriage Without Considering My Emotional Needs

Hi Lively Stones,

I did something terrible and my conscience is seriously killing me inside. I need someone to talk to before I loose my mind. One mind is even asking me to end my life with the way I am feeling. The thing happened 3 weeks ago.

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So, in 2018, I met Mike on a flight. Mike was separated from his wife at the time. They had been separated for almost 1 year and when we met, it was instant spark. I was single, I had broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years because his family did not want him to marry a lady from Ebonyi state.

ALSO READ:My Wife Had An Affair But Claims Its Was Just Emotional Nothing Really Happened -Please Advise

I was in the US for a vacation after my breakup when I met Mike on a flight. We talked and talked throughout the flight. We also connected when we both landed. We made love the second day we met in the US. It was an insane connection, I would not lie. We dated for 1 year but his family did not like the fact that his divorce was not final before he moved on with me. I did not want another family drama so I let the relationship even though he kept begging me to be patient.

About seven months later, I met Emeka, my now husband. Emeka is 47 years old and I am 33. We got engaged a month later and got married 3 months after. One week to my marriage, Mike was still begging me to wait for him, for his divorce to be final so we can be together. I told him I cannot put my life on hold for him waiting for the divorce to be final. Its like his wife was using delay tactics to finalize the divorce so I cannot be waiting since his family are insisting that the divorce must be finalized before we can be together.

Emeka is not a romantic man at all but he is a provider. Provides for me and my family. He is well to do. I got married and tried to focus on my marriage but Mike would still be sending me love messages which I actually had to block. I got pregnant a month after my wedding. My husband was overjoyed. He gave me 10M to go and shop for the baby in the US.

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I travelled to the US and immediately I put on my US phone, Mike contacted me. He kept saying he wanted to see me. I should have never let him see me but I gave him my hotel address and he came. I was strangely so happy to see him. He was so sad that I didn’t wait for him to finalize his divorce so we can be together.

Mike kept telling me that his divorce was going to be finalized the next month and I should know that he will fight for me so I should get ready to divorce my own husband. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant when he started to kiss me. I just felt very weak in my legs. Mike is a pure romantic…I was mesmerized by his lovemaking. I forgot I was a married woman for an instant.

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ALSO READ:I Slept With My Best Friend: How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?

We made passionate and sweet love. Mike went down on me…using his tongue and fingers and all…I was powerless at his lovemaking….but immediately it was over, it was like, someone poured cold water on me. I calmed down and realized how I have just messed things up. Immediately, I regretted my actions. I cried and cried but the deed was already done. Mike thought I was crying for him but I was crying that I had just cheated on my husband because clearly, I have feelings for Mike.

I was sad throughout my one week stay in US. I couldn’t wait to get back home. Soon as I got home, I had my bath, put on a s3xy nightie and wanted to f*ck my husband so bad, so that maybe I can feel less terrible about what I had done. But my husband being a very unromantic man that he is, was not in the mood for s3x.

I do not understand my husband. He is not emotional or anything. I think I fell for my ex because he provided something my husband could not…he cared…he spoke nice words to me…he touched me in my most sensitive places which my husband has no idea where they exist.  To be honest, I began to get angry and blame him for what I did with Mike.

Now, I am living with so much frustration. Yesterday, my husband managed to touch me. Before I could even realize what was going on, he had already come. I craved him, begged him to please go a second round and he was looking at me like I was a crazy woman. Yes, he is not the type to go down on a woman like Mike, he has no idea what foreplay or oral s3x is…he just does his thing whenever he is in the mood and bam, he is done and dusted.

As it is, I am feeling all kinds of emotions. I need someone to talk to. I feel terrible for cheating on my husband but I also feel so frustrated that my s3xual needs are not being met. Even now, as a 4 months old pregnant woman, I feel horny quite often and his lack of attention is not helping at all. I am loosing my mind…

Mike sent me a text that same yesterday when I feeling so sad about s3x with my husband. He scanned a copy of his divorce paper. Its been finalized. I felt regret for a few minutes. I started wishing I did not rush into this marriage. I met a man and married him under 4 months when I was still having feelings with a man that knows how to handle my s3xual needs and emotional needs better than my current husband.

I want my husband to be more attentive and s3xually attracted to me much more…maybe that will change make me feel less horrible about what I did. I feel like maybe if I tell him what happened, he might have a re-think and show more interest in our s3x life because its seriously bothering me.

It was not bothering me when we first got married but when I met Mike, I realized what I was lacking so much that I gave into such a terrible temptation. Mike is very much available now…he is a single man and he is alot of temptation right now. Should I even be considering Mike? If only my husband would change a little…I need your advice, how do I handle this situation.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. My darling lady, the fact of the matter is, u have indeed rushed things too quickly. You didn’t take time to know each other and talk more about sex life.
    But… you can still talk about it into depth. No need for u to tell him what happened between you and Mike, u will spoil the matter completely.

    My advice is fine ways and means to talk to him about sex, romance and foreplay how important it is to you in the marriage .

    Good luck

  2. Dear poster, I understand what you are going through, but I still blame you, because you are responsible for your actions, you could have avoided this ‍♂️, you rushed early into marriage without allowing yourself to heal……to tell you the fact you wanted mike so bad and you knew what would happen before he visited but still you allowed it,….I would advise you think it through because your husband may not be able to meet your demands cos you are still clearly in love with mike and crave for him…….it’s either you walk out of the marriage and go be with mike or block mike on all platform and focus on your marriage….

  3. YES, MARRIAGE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX, BUT SEX IS ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE ,SO YOUR FRUSTRATION IS UNDERSTANDABLE. Be that as it may, you cannot build your home on infidelity . what if Mike comes calculating the time he slept with you and lay claims on your expectant child? the earlier you block him, the better for you and our home. Please focus on your marriage. Be seen to put in your bests.Have you communicated your frustrations to your husband? Have you suggested therapy/ counselling? You have a good man, please be patient and work this out. its not automatic, but your sex life with him can definitely improve if you intentionally give it some energy.

  4. You have to stay married and be faithful to your husband. Marriage is not a bed of roses,you went for your husband’s riches and you have it now but he is not good in the Oza room.

    Now you have to tell Mike to leave you alone so that you can work on your marriage,looking at the difference in age ,you should have known better,man pikin no get time and energy to waste on top sexual matter rather he prefers making money. Please you can engage your husband in so many sexual activities,it is well.

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