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True Story: Help My Second Marriage Is About To Collapse After Everything I Have Done

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True Story: Help My Second Marriage Is About To Collapse After Everything I Have Done

Hello lively stones,

Please hide my ID.  I’ll need counsel from your platform. I’m a foreigner, resident in Nigeria. Please bear with me, it’s a long read.

In 2012, I got into a relationship with a lady. In the course of the relationship, she took in for me. I met with her parents, and we did introduction. In the course of the pregnancy, her attitude changed – she began  to nag a lot. I was made to understand it’s pregnancy hormones. I decided to stay calm and endure.

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After delivery, that’s 2014, the nagging still continued.  In fact, it got worse. There was always this mode swing  – at one time she’s happy, at other times, everything around her pisses her off. In times like this, she will be very angry, disrespectful, abusive and sometimes even violent. She acknowledged to being under spiritual attack and she do visit different Pastors for deliverance. Well, sadly, it didn’t really help. We kept trusting God all will be fine.

Six months after our second child, that’s 2016, we separated. I rented a house for her and the children and provided monthly upkeep, paid the children’s fees and also handled medical bills.

READ ALSO: My Husband Walked Out Of Our Marriage After 11 Years Of Maltreatment-Pls Advise

With this disappointment, I took a break dating. In 2018, I met my wife. She’s beautiful, smart and very humble. She is very open and speaks her mind, no pretense. All these made me fall in love with her. I opened up to her about my past, and more importantly, details about my children.

In 2019, we started dating seriously. The experience was lovely. We had discussed plans to settle down 2020/2021. I was convinced she’s right for me. The only thoughts I had lingering in my mind was my children and how they will fit into the marriage. Will she accept them as her own if a day like that comes. We had attempted to bring in my children to spend vacation with her in 2019, it failed. Their mum refused to release them.

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In May 2020, she got pregnant for me. Strangely, I had this look warm attitude. It got her angry. She said, if she’s to keep the pregnancy, I must meet with her parents, if not for introduction, at least to put them on the know that I’m with their daughter.  I told her no issues, let me inform my family about us and my plans to see her people. This got her more upset. She resolved to abort the baby, something I didn’t agree to. All efforts to stop her failed. This led to our breakup.

Subsequent days became so miserable for me. It was tough to live with this new development. I didn’t relent,  I kept apologizing and pleading we reconcile. In the mix of this break-up, my children’s mother was pressuring me to come take custody of the children. I got more worried and confused. I’m in a foreign land, no close family, how do I handle this.

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I reached out to my ex girlfriend. I informed her of this development. This was the only person my heart was open to talk to. She offered to help me accommodate them, pending when I relocate them to my country. All this was happening during the COVID. That said, I travelled and picked up the children, and took them to her place. In the course of a month, I was amazed at the results. The children were looking healthier and happy. They really liked her. In the process, we reconciled.

In 2021, we got married. She and the children moved to my place. Now, it’s been 11 months and she has not been able to conceive. Every month, I have been under heat – she reminds me from time to time of the pregnancy she aborted. It’s causing a lot of issues in the marriage.

Occasionally, out of annoyance, she will transfer aggression on the children. In correcting the children, sometimes she will overreact, and in anger. If I interfere,  she will say things like the children matter to me most. That I love them, not her, and I married her because of them. This talk doesn’t usually go down well with me because I know from my heart I love her. As a result, even when I express this love, it’s overlooked by her.

From a medical standpoint, she’s OK. In addition, I am also OK medically.  Another evidence is, my son is my identical copy. The question is, what could be the issue? Also, since we married, we do see blood stains on the floor in our matrimonial room. This happens every month, and usually during the week of her monthly flow. The senior sister, who lives with the partner, though not married, is also going  through the same experience. We’ve prayed and fasted, still no result.

Now, my wife is fed up with all these and wants to move on. She’s holding unto the fact that she’s not comfortable in the way I handle things between her and the children. The most recent incidence that prompted for all these was when she was brushing our son. The boy sneeze in the process and catarrh dropped on her dress. She got really angry and started beating the boy.

When I showed up, she explained all to me, I told her sorry. She continued with the beating. I pleaded with her to calm down and requested I continue with the brushing, she refused. She said is that all I can say, that how about the boy saying sorry. I instructed the boy to do so and he did. It is 3 days today, she’s still holding malice against me.

To her, she’s living her life for me and my children, no hope for her getting pregnant. I still love my wife very much. I had earlier suggested a house help takes up responsibility for the children so she can relax. Well, she is not open to it. However, she complains from time to time that the children are stressing her and make her talk a lot.

We had planned to go see a genuine man of God in a different city this February. Well,  it didn’t worked out because I am cash trapped.

Now, she’s adamant to exercise patience. Am I missing out on something? What am I not doing right? Could there be something she’s not telling me? What will you suggest I do?

Thanks.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Bringing your children to come live with you for your wife to be taking care of them is not healthy and easy both for her and the children.

    You people have to see a gneacologist to ascertain why she is not pregnant since she was once pregnant. Also make out time to find out about the blood that comes once in a month,it could be spiritual

    It can be very frustrating taking care of another woman’s children when she hasn’t gotten hers.

    Be supportive,be kind,be good,and be appreciative,not all women will accept this,so please always encourage her. Keep caring and loving her pls,it could be very frustrating when a woman is trying for a baby.
    The Lord shall give her beautiful babies,amen.

  2. Good day Poster. ANY APOLOGIES IF I SOUND A BIT HARSH BUT I NEED NOT MINCE WORDS FOR YOU TO HEAR THE TRUTH. i think you need to work on your self esteem/ firmness. why ll you be taking blame for whats not your fault! its one thing to be in a struggle together, its another thing to be heaped with the blame!
    How now??? your first wife messed you up, now you’ve put yourself at this one’s mercy again. i think youre a bit weak, sincerely speaking..

    Be that as it may, i wish to implore that you dont subject those children to these frustrations so as not to have depression set in for them. its bad enough their biological mum abandoned them, pls put your feet down for them and dont allow your new wife manipulate you to get them estranged from you.
    They are your jewels, the evidence of your strength as a man.
    For me, your marriage may fail with this second wife, but please dont fail over these children!!

    if it takes the woman leaving, so be it. afterall , she is threatnening to leave sef. Please let her leave ,shes impatient and wicked. childlessness thrive in that kind of condition .

    Know this, youre not a failure if the second marriage ends, dont be afraid. Face those children. may God grant you long life, you ll meet someone who will love you for who you are and your children.
    But you need to be strong please. Any irrational and selfish woman will ride on a man who is weak and indecisive over matters he ought to show leadership over.
    Remember, those children are your jewels, face them.God bless you Sir.

  3. Yes ooh, something isn’t adding up. Were you certain she really was pregnant and aborted? Seeing that her sister is facing the same thing with her partner. Maybe it’s family issues and she’s putting everything to you. Manipulating to even apologies on honest mistakes done by the kids. My worry is how she’s maltreating your kids under your watch and you’re putting up with it. You better separate for a while and hire a house help for your kids. She an adult, kids are very innocent, how does even release her frustration to kids who don’t understand what she’s going through? You better stand up for them now that their mom has left them to your care and because she is in a competition with people who do not even see it that way. Btw, the way you love your kids can’t be same with your love for her,if she’s not grown enough to understand such a thing, then she has no business being called a wife or even a mother. She’s too immature abeg. My kisses to your babies.

  4. You need to stop acting weak, you beg her when she is wrong, she beat your child cos of that little thing, even when you told her to stop, you still continued and you still begged her, you even told your son to say sorry for the wrong a grown up woman did, sorry sir, you are weak man.

    Leave that woman alone, drop her and move on with your life, your children don’t need such people to raise them, if you don’t leave you will regret it in no time. The issue if seeing blood on the floor and also her sister too seeing blood, there is more to it, this is spiritual, get help quickly.

    Pls, learn to be a man and don’t allow women manipulate you, you are not a man that can hold women accountable, you infantalize women and put them on a pedestal, and you have started teaching your child same thing.

    Act fast now before its too late, your children must come first.

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