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True Story: It Was A Brief Affair But How Do I Fight For Our Love

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True Story: It Was A Brief Affair But How Do I Fight For Our Love

Hi Lively Stones,

Please I want your readers to help me answer this question: how do I fight for the love of a woman wo chose another man over me?. I am a single guy of 34. I was in a long term relationship for 4 years. The relationship brought about a 3 year old son. My ex moved on because we couldn’t get married because she couldn’t get along with my mother. My mother never liked her because she felt she was too domineering, not humble and above all, she is from a state that my mother does not like the people.

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My ex used to bring my son for me during the holidays and my mother used to come around to help cos my job is always tasking. Last holiday, my mother could not come to help cos my sister gave birth in US and she had to go help her out. I tried to take leave from work but that didn’t work out.

My ex brought my son and dropped him off. I thought of getting a maid, so I went to ask my neighbor who also has a son of about 4 years to help get a maid. My neighbor couldn’t get a maid at short notice and suggested that I can drop my son with them, her maid would look after both boys until I found a maid.

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So, I would drop off my son with her maid and they were very good at taking care of my son. One day, I came back very late, my son was already sleeping, my neighbor was like, I should allow him sleep in their house. I hesitated but they have been nice to me, I agreed eventually.

This became routine. My son would spend some nights with my neighbor, they took him out during their outings. They were very nice. That holiday was very nice for us cos of the support from my neighbor. When his mother came to pick him up, my son was really crying. Even my neighbor’s son was crying. They had become so bonded like brothers.

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They took my ex no to call him and they did call him everyday. Because of my son, my relationship with my neighbor also grew closer. Sometimes, she would shop for me or even make stew or soup for me. I discovered I was developing feelings for her. She told me her husband is in Uk, a medical doctor, working for them to join him very soon.

Few months ago, I noticed she was loosing weight, I asked her what happened but she said nothing, that she is not feeling fine. I tried to mind my business but she was not looking good at all, so I had to insist. She told me she and her husband were having issues. That they were supposed to have joined him over a year ago but he kept saying he was still working on his permit to bring them.

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Later, she found out that the husband was cheating with someone that is like a family friend to them. That they have been quarrelling about it. That was what was affecting her health. I encouraged her and told her to focus on her son and forget about the man. She was like, how, that she has needs and hasn’t been with a man for 3 years since her husband left.

I found myself telling her how I have feelings for her and we made love. She is such a beautiful soul, easy to love. I wonder how her husband could abandon such a beautiful and kind woman. Our love made her take her mind off her husband who was misbehaving. Next thing, the man starts telling her he has started making plans for them to come to join him.

Melinda (her name, not real sha) decided to give her husband a chance cos of their son. That broke my heart cos I was truly in love with her. I begged her to give us a chance but she said she wanted her son to have both parents raise him together. She was doing it for her son. I had no choice but to let her go.

Since I know she started processing her travel papers, I stopped seeing her. I met someone 3 weeks ago, we have been talking. We spent valentine’s day together. The next day, I saw a long text message from Melinda. She said she was disappointed in how I moved on quickly away from her, that I did not even try to fight for our love.

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In her text, she said she was testing me when she told me her husband was processing their papers. That if I had insisted, she would have filed for a divorce cos she and her husband are seeing other people. That when she said she was leaving because of her son, that if I had said I would raise him as a father would, she would have married me.

Melinda made it look like I should have done more to stop her from going back to her husband. I called her but she didn’t pick. I went to her apartment, she told her maid not to let me in. She is acting like I hurt her or disappointed her but is she expecting me to force a married woman to leave her husband? She wont even give me audience or talk to me.

Somehow, I think she is mad because I tried to move on from her. Maybe she saw my status with the picture of my new girl. I am not saying I don’t love Melinda but she made her point clear so am I supposed to be single for the rest of my life because she wants to work out her marriage?

How does she want me to fight for our love please? Is the decision not hers to make? I am confused. She was the one who is going back to a man that cheated on her and she said she was doing it for her son. So, what does she want me to do? She is still avoiding me…she has also blocked me. What should I do?

Melinda is an active reader of Lively Stones, I hope she reads this and tells me exactly what she wants me to do…I have been restless  since Tuesday…what else can I do?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. This is very simple,stop seeing Melinda,she is still very much married ooo, whether her husband cheated or not,she is still married to him,she also has cheated,so they are both CHEATS.
    Do not make a married woman file for divorce because of you,what goes around comes around.
    Look for another woman and not Melinda, ignore her and mind your business,get a maid Incase your son comes around.
    Be guided,careful and be a good man to your son. At 34 ,you should have serious plans of settling. God bless you!

  2. I understand you are in love with Melinda, but please let her be, you both are confused at the moment, she’s still legally married, you both should stop whatever you are doing and give eachother space so time can do it’s duty, everything will be fine…Melinda if you are seeing this please focus on your marriage,you both were lonely that’s what caused the attraction between you both, everything will be fine dear, peace…

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