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True Life Story: Where Did I Go Wrong To Receive Such Abuse In My Marriage?
Good day Lively Stones,
Please I have these issues bothering me and feel if its enough to cause a bother, I should seek help. Its about my husband. He got into a building project that has gotten him into a lot of debts. We presently stay in a house bequeathed to me by my Father (late) , I am so grateful that my Father did that for me and also got me a good job before he departed this world.
I try to see to the maintenance of the building and also encourage him to but after sometime we both agreed we would leave (I understand its not easy for a man to do this and I am sincerely grateful he agreed we live there for these 6 years, at least we don’t bother about house rent in this expensive rent city we live) , we agreed to find a land and build a house of our own in our names. It has been a prayer point and I went as far as physically following him to get the present Land now being built.
However, during the documentation, I discovered he changed the title document to just his name only ,and not to the two of us as we both agreed. When I asked him about this, I got the shock of my life! My Husband told me its his first evidence as a man that provides shelter for his family so, I should not disturb him.
However, he didn’t stop there and this was when I became hurt: He went about it in an abusive and arrogant manner with me. He was so defiant and unremorseful about his breaking our agreement and I was psychologically abused over it and even other matters I never knew he resented me about..
He laid all sort of false allegations against me as to why he decided not to include my name. many other events happen that family members had to intervene. I even totally abandoned the Land matter and we had to thrash out other allegations he raised.. I remembered weeping bitterly when the matter was being resolved .and I was told that according to African tradition, I have to apologize whether right or wrong. I knelt down and did .
Two years going, I decided I would keep anything to my chest ,so as not to be having family members gather over our matter again. However, its been ups and downs for my husband. I engaged in several prayers and intercessions for him. God has been helping us but he still think the problems are too many for him, particularly, the debts.
I tried to encourage him but he began to resent my acts ,saying I should do more than I am doing and put funds down to help offset some of the debts he incurred on the building project. I truly don’t know who to turn to to help us again. However, he transfers aggression on me with all kinds of insults and to worsen it, he has withdrawn from home upkeep , but I thank God he’s able to pay the children’s school fees in all.
However, I am worried because , recently in one of his sessions of being upset and verbal insulting me, he said I am the source of his woes and I should stop praying for him! I was shocked and upset he could say such and I replied I would only be asking God for mercy for him for that and so many wrong insinuations against me.
I honestly try to avoid responding when he’s verbally insulting me , but this last time, I felt I was being manipulated and bullied so I decided to respond back. He was almost getting physical. But I felt better I spoke. Just worried if he hit me, what would have happen especially with the children witnessing such and family members getting to know..
Honestly, I began thinking of talking to one of my friends in his office if she can help me transfer him out of this city , maybe he needs that breathe. . but presently, I am talking to God about it and waiting for HIS leading if I should do that.
But why I am bothered is that, the children are witnessing these things and they complain of their dad’s anger issue. I try to explain to them that the debts issue is what he’s getting to him , but I know they understand more and can read in between the lines.. Family prayers have stopped, a lot of things we do together have stopped because he’s always upset about everything.
My husband does not know where and when to stop if he begins insulting me in anger. presently, he calls me selfish wife as I cannot help out with his debts and sincerely, I keep wondering how he’s thinking? Does he expect at this point I do bizarre things to get him out of them! I told him I cant and he withdrew from family upkeep.
I have spoken to him about his anger episodes, he promises to change but, here we go again! I am most shocked that he has tied his woes to me. How??? I pray for him, I cover him even when I perceive he has affairs, . I have taken over home upkeep and he still sees me as a problem in his life!
I truly don’t know what to think, please I just need to let it out here. I would appreciate advise on what to do . Thank you.
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