True Life Story: My Mother Is Encouraging Me To Go Back To My Sugar Daddy
Hello Lively Stones,
Please hide my identity. I need advice. I am a 20 year old graduate, awaiting youth service. Life has not been so easy, growing up with a single mother with 3 other siblings. I managed to finish school. But something happened to me a few months ago. I don’t know who to confide in. I got into a relationship with a 43 year old guy. We met at the Cinema five months ago and I fell in love with him.
My man was also in love with me. I introduced him to my mom, she liked him. My mom has been telling me that I need to get a job or get married and start helping her financially. This man was kind and generous. When we first met, I had no idea he was that older than me cos he looks like someone in his late twenties. Infact, my mother encouraged me to date him after seeing how well he was treating me. He is young looking and very handsome. He is divorced with 2 children and he is very ok, comfortable.
When we met, I told him I am keeping myself for marriage. Not because of anything but my mom had me as a young mother, she gave birth and my father abandoned her. She remarried now but divorced. My man encouraged me to keep my virginity and because of that, he vowed to marry me cos he did not ever believe he could find a virgin especially these days. He wants to marry me next year, after my youth service.
The problem started when I found out that there was another person he was also seeing. This woman is also a divorcee, with children. She is around thirty or so years. He says there are just friends with benefits. Meaning, they are juts s3x partners. That the lady does not want to marry after her divorce …. When I found out about her, he was like, he is sorry but he has s3xual needs and since he met me and I said no s3x until marriage, that he just keeps in touch with her for s3x and that is all.
When I told my mom, she said I should fight for my man and not let the other woman steal him. That my man is rich and can take care of me. That since he has agreed to marry me, what am I still keeping my virginity for. That most divorced women are only looking for a man to keep them satisfied and since this woman is not looking for marriage, that I better hurry up and make my man marry me fast.
This made me compromise and give in to him. He de-flowed me a month later. He was so happy. I thought now that we were having s3x, he would no longer need that woman. I got pregnant. And he convinced me to have an abortion. Saying he is not ready for a baby yet. That we have to be married before we have a baby. My mother did not mind because he gave us 500k. I got a D&C. I was so sick after then.
When I was sick, he gave me time to recover but I found out that he was using that time to go back to that his lover and having s3x with her. That really broke my heart. When I confronted him, he was like, its because I am young and naïve. That he has no feelings for her, that its just a physical connection they have but with me, its more than that. He knows I love him very well and I think he is manipulating me.
Now, sometimes, when we were making love, he will be saying things that are hurtful to me. Like calling me whore or slut. I asked him to stop calling me names and he says, its s3x talk…that it turns him on. That is how he treats the woman he is f*cking, that he enjoys those kind of talks. I do not get excited by it, it actually makes me feel dirty and guilty.
When I complained more, he said that maybe we should take a break. I felt hurt cos it felt like he wanted to break up with me after using me, taking my virginity. We did not speak for 2 days after which he called me and started begging me to see him, that he cannot function without me in his life. He even said he cannot wait till next year to marry me, that he wants us to marry by end of this year. My mother too put alot of pressure on me to accept him.
I went to his place to see him one weekend and I spent the night. During the night, I kept seeing him getting up to answer calls outside of the bedroom. I knew it was a woman that was distracting him, I grabbed the phone from him and demanded to know who he was talking to. He got angry and forcefully removed the phone from my hand. That injured my hand in the process, I got a long scratched deeply in my hand and felt scared for the first time of being with him.
That night, I wanted to leave but he refused. He tried to caress me for s3x, I told him I was not in the mood. He called me a spoilt brat, a spoiled and a foolish child. I then decided to go sleep in the palour. He came there and started being forceful with me, I fought him off for a while until I could not. He kept calling me unprintable names, I saw that the more I fought him, the more he got aroused. It was like a demon possessed him.
After everything, he started saying he is so in love with me, that the way we made love almost drove him crazy. I told him, we did not make love, that he r*ped me. He started saying I was lying, that I was enjoying it, that he could see the way I was responding as he was f*cking me.
The next day, he started begging, saying that he just likes rough s3x, nothing more. That that woman likes it when he pounds her hard and he also enjoys it. That if only I can learn to enjoy it, that its called BDSM, that I will understand that its just a way people express themselves during s3x. He swore that if I can make love to him like that he would break off immediately with that woman.
I do not know what to say, at least he is being honest…he likes rough play…he showed me some videos where people were having BDSM s3x and explained the way they enjoy it…he even explained how he also loves it when the woman whips him. I am young and not very experienced in s3x, I was not sure it was ok to act that way. I broke up with him last month.
Everything that happened to me, I told my mother. She was like, if I do not like it, I was just being childish. I think she was disappointed I did not marry a rich man so she can get rid of me and start eating money. She said my mates have sugar daddies that help them and their families and here I was acting like a pope.
Its just about a month since I stopped seeing this man when I noticed my mother has been going out lately. I asked her what is going on and she says nothing. That she has some business meetings. Out of curiosity, I go through her phone and see she has been calling someone she named, Frank.
I dialed the number on my phone and guess who picked? My man!!! Why is my mom calling him. I check her texts, she has been texting and chatting him too. And they are having s3x. I was so mad at my mom…I told her I hated her and I do not want to be like her, that she is a bad mom. How can she be sleeping with a man I once loved and less than a month of breakup, she is f*cking him.
My mom’s response was shocking: she said I should grow up and stop sulking. That they are just having se3x…nothing more. That he is just a sugar daddy that every woman would do anything to marry, that some would even use juju. That she is not the only one he is f*cking and she is doing it for the money, nothing more. That she never agreed to sleep with him until we broke up. That I was a fool to let such a man go. She called me ungrateful.
I wish I had somewhere to run to…to leave this house and never return. Why would my man and my mom do me like this? Am I over reacting? I feel so upset and used. Like, I dumped a man for cheating and r*ping me and my own mother, did not waste time in climbing in his bed. Am I making this up? My mother said its not r*pe but BDSM. What am I missing here.
What am I supposed to do now? I just pray I never return to this house after my youth service. Everyday, my mom calls me ungrateful. Am I really ungrateful to have refused to date that man? what am I not getting about this whole thing? The man is still even texting me, that he will do anything to marry me if I still want him.
My mom says I better grab the opportunity of a lifetime and marry him if he still wants me. Forgive my shameless mother but what do I do? She is doing everything to escape the hard life.
Please advice me.
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