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True Life Story: My Husband Is Lazy & Likes Keeping Malice-Pls Advice

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True Life Story: My Husband Is Lazy & Likes Keeping Malice-Pls Advice

Editor’s note: This story is coming from a place of a hurt person, please be kind in your words and advice. 

Always, Jzhane

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Good Afternoon Lively Stones,

Is it possible to fall out of love with one’s spouse? I think it has happened to me. I feel angry at myself for the poor decision in choosing him and not listening to my mum when she told me not to marry him. Where do I even start from?

How can one be married to a Man for eight years and he cannot even provide, protect not be a priest in his own home. He has no money yet he’s very quarrelsome, keeping malice up and down.

Despite all my efforts to assist him so that he can start contributing financially nothing good has come out of any of them because he will run everything down, when one is trying to correct him he won’t take until he finally runs it down. I’m exhausted. Go and get a job he cannot even write a CV. So many sacrifices I’ve made. Now he has started the habit of stealing my money and telling lies.

I’m at my sister’s place for Omugwo and I see the way her husband is in control of the home and his family and I’m so envious. I’ve tried to express myself to my husband some things that he’s doing that I can’t stand but he ends up talking back at me or just ignoring what I’ve said.

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So, I’m 100% responsible for taking care of myself, my new born son and my home plus incapacitated husband yet he stresses me, he’s not grateful and he’s so quarrelsome, keeping malice up and down. He’s home now while I’m in another state with my sister for Omugwo and he’s begging me to give him money to buy fuel. I’m ignoring him.

So if he cannot provide, he’s not grateful when I fit into his shoes hoping he’ll sit up soon, should I still have to put up with his pride, quarrelsome attitude and malice? All the business he’s been trying to put up are nothing to write about and we are more in debts.
We are two months behind on rent and the Landlady has been threatening to report him to the Police. My usual self would have sent money to pay the rent like I’ve been doing for the past six years we’ve lived in the house but I refused to budge.

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ALSO READ:How Malice And Anger Almost Scattered Our Marriage-How Do We Heal After This?

I’m just wondering how I got myself in this situation because I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one struggling to make this marriage work and keep the home and I’m on my own when I need emotional, financial and spiritual support or otherwise.

This is all I can pen down for now to express how I feel even though it’s more than this.
I’m supposed to be through with Omugwo now and return home but I’m not enthusiastic about going back, even thinking about him is disgusting me. He cannot manage a business, he doesn’t still want to look for a job he’s waiting for me to provide everything! And he has no shame.

When I ensure everything is in order he will now start raising shoulders for outsiders like he contributes to anything. I just feel irritated. I wish he would understand me when I express myself of my worries I wouldn’t have had to write this long epistle on social media but when I try to express my concerns to him he just ignores me or turns the tables around or acts like I’m attacking his person. It leaves me frustrated.

What do I do? I never envisioned my married life to be like this. I was always the one who would love to trash out conflicts, always working and thinking of oneness in marriage but being married to this man has taught me that I’m on my own, he may say otherwise but that’s what I see happening over and over again.

ALOS READ:How My Sweet Husband Changed After Two Years Of Marriage- Please Advise

All these conflicts, quarrels and malice hurt more than anything else in this world. Then couples with the fact that he’s still struggling financially not making any headway just feels like my marriage is over. What do I do? I need some answers for my mental health. I’m stalling living my sister’s place.

To be continued…

Anonymous

CLICK HERE TO READ PART 2

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Have you gone to God in prayers? This can’t be ordinary,haba! His foundation is too strong my sister,check in his family,you will find out that the women in the family are always the
    breadwinner of the home.

    Something is wrong,he is not lazy,his family background has a hold on him. The earlier you realize this the better.

    Please you have to assist him in serious prayers,he needs to support you too by praying very well,how can a man be like this for 8years,how long do you want to continue like this as a woman? I will suggest midnight and vengeance prayers ooo,my sister this life is spiritual,stop judging from the physical look of things ooo,he is your husband,if you love him,please help him.

    It is well ooo,it is not easy for a woman to be the bread winner oooo,it can be very annoying, demoralizing and painful.

  2. It is not easy for a man to be the breadwinner not to talk of a woman, as a man it was stated the man should be the provider, your husband should try and sit up, I understand things aren’t easy but he should stand his ground as a man and do away with his ego, dear poster try relaxing your mind, you can try communicating by hanging out with him in a nice places,showing more love/care, give him words of affirmation : example(call him sweet names,tell him everything will be fine), when he’s in a happy mood, you can chip in your concerns time to time, also watch your tone…..there’s a way you talk to a man by speaking directly to his soul……if this doesn’t work you can threaten him with divorce……peace and light dear….

  3. Hi,

    With relationships it is always good to hear from both parties.

    You sound quite tired and drained. It is not easy for a woman to be bread winner and still carry on with her other responsibilities. Although your husband is not contributing financially as should, does he make up for it in other ways e.g house chores, more help with your children and appreciation?

    You are probably not in a frame of mind to take on an additional responsibility of praying for him, if you can -do, otherwise reach out to someone godly who he respects that can provide sound counsel to him and do not encourage laziness by financing his excessive needs but only what is needful and you can manage.

    Take care of yourself and your children, also guard your heart from being bitter and try to respect him (the table can turn)… place financial boundaries that will enable him seat up.

    All the best

  4. Does he have parents or siblings?
    Is there someone he listens to you can open up to?
    Or better still, if he goes to church, why not try his Pastor?
    When a partner in marriage gets irritated by the other person, it can lead to a lot of things, divorce inclusive, which will pose a bigger problem affecting the kids and all.
    Most importantly, you need to get close to God and seek his face for your husband’s deliverance. It might not be ordinary.

  5. You’re not yet tires madam. By the time someone has had enough,there won’t be energy left to write up all these seeking advice. That man won’t change now because you have made him reliant on you and he’s not the understanding type. So the earlier you act,the better for you,not him ooh,but you. Firstly,don’t send him money for the fuel. Secondly,dnt pay rent, go and rent another apartment and move there with you child. Tell him you’ve gone home or wait till he steps out and you pack your load and leave. By the time he faces hardships out there,he will man up by force. If not,that will be good riddance to bad habits and you would have moved on by then. A whole grown ass man sitting around waiting for you to do everything for him is a whole level of stress on his own. Now he’s even stealing from you. Please,learn to love yourself a little bit more so as recognize when you deserve better for you and your baby.

  6. Don’t waste your time trying to help him. He’s just lazy and loves being fed. Go rent another place and let him survive on his own, only then will he sit up.

  7. […] HERE TO READ PART 1 & PART 2 OF THE […]

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