wedding night sex: it’s time for your wedding night sex…no pressure, right? It can be whatever you want it to be. Maybe that’s the most romantic couple-y sex ever or maybe you’re going straight for the married person orgasms. Maybe you won’t have sex at all or you might find yourself are on the receiving end of a penis experiencing Honeymoon Syndrome. And if wedding night sex is NBD to you, that’s fine too. Everyone’s welcome around here.
Plus, it’s important to remember the reality and context of the whole situation. “Lots of us spend just as much time fantasizing about our wedding night as the actual ceremony itself. But by the time you’ve walked down the aisle, cut the cake, and danced for six hours, you just might be exhausted,” says Sarah Riccio, queer sex educator and co-founder Delicto.com. “So what do you do if you’re too tired to stand, let alone swing from the rafters of your marital bed?” Well, start with these tips that will help no matter how your night goes.
Make a plan.
“Before your wedding night, talk over exactly how you want it to go. Stock up on lube, outfits, or toys, and have a sex itinerary ready,” says Riccio. (Pssst, some lingerie ideas.) “If there’s a position or scenario you or your new spouse want to try, discuss it in advance so you can both anticipate it. Or surprise your partner with something fun and different that makes being married feel extra special and sexy.”
Nap it out.
“Try preceding your first sex as a married couple with your first nap. It might not sound glamorous, but holding each other while you both bask in some much-needed rest is an intimate experience that’ll rejuvenate you for the playtime ahead,” says Riccio.
If it’s your first time ever, take it slow.
“If you and your partner have been abstaining and now are staring down the barrel of your marital bed, you might feel a swell of excitement and performance anxiety,” says Riccio. “Here’s my advice: Spend plenty of time kissing, eye-gazing, and exploring each other’s bodies until you simply must consummate. After you’ve built up enough anticipation, that anxiety will likely fall away, and carnal desire will take over.” (Try out these first timer positions that can help ease you into it.)
Here are ideas for your Big Night. After that…honeymoon sex!
- Couple of the Year“The Lotus is a great position because you can be really close,” says Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers sexual wellness brand and retailer. Wrap your legs around each other in a sitting position. “This allows you to line your torsos up and be able to get your arms around each other, kiss, and embrace for a close and cuddly experience. To maximize this position, use your auditory feedback such as moans and heavy breathing in their ear to heighten arousal.”
- Damn, The Dry Cleaning Bill
Lean hard into the idea of being the fancy wedding couple. “When you arrive at your post-nuptial bedroom, if the energy is high and you’re still in party mode, ride the wave of energy right into an adventurous sexual encounter. Try having sex in your wedding clothes. Lift up the skirt, unbuckle the belt,” says Zoë Kors, Resident Sex and Intimacy Coach at Coral. Yes, your stuff is going to get dirty. That’s what makes it so good.
3.The Plan B
Some women get the surprise wedding gift of discovering that they have vaginismus. “I see many folks experience excruciating pain with intercourse on their honeymoon, says Heather Jeffcoat, DPT, who works with folks that have painful sex. To help, try getting on top. “Controlling the speed of insertion and depth of penetration are key when vaginismus is suspected or it’s otherwise not going quite as planned.”
4. The Hope Chest
If your virginity—how ever you want to define that—left the premises long, long ago, act like it’s the first time for both of you. Pretend like you or, hell, both of you—it’s a game, you make up the damn rules—have never been touched by another. Of course just a mindf*ck, but go all in and fake out you brain so you’ll really notice every touch and make every progression (holy crap, they’re touching my boobs!) feel like the first time. End facing each on your sides for eye-gazing, soulful slow sex.
6. The Kama Sutra