True Life Story: My Success Is Incomplete Without Marriage & Children
Hello Lively Stones,
I am a member of this platform for 2 years now. I benefit a lot from the stories and advise shared on the platform. I am going to be 39 years old in October this year and I am still single. Unfortunately, my relationships have not led to marriage. My longest relationship lasted 3 years and that was about five years ago. Since then, its in and out of relationships. To many issues, either I find out the guy has another girlfriend or he is married or he is after my money.
At 38, I have done well for myself. I have bought my own house, I have 2 cars, built a house for my parents and bought each of them a car. I earn very well in oil and gas sector.. I am also at the top of my career, thanks be to God. I have heard some people say the reason that I am not married is because I am too successful, that men are intimidated by my success. I really don’t know how true that is, because, I humbled myself in my last two relationships and it ended in abuse.
Just to make sure the man is not feeling intimidated, I did things like, I washed their clothes, cooked for them, gave out my ATM card, just to show humility but these men ended up abusing me, taking my money and still cheated on me. For the last one year, I have been single. I am tired. Getting to age 40 scares me. I do not want to be single. Now, I am thinking of just having a child to keep me company but my parents are against that. They do not want a child out of wedlock.
The issue now is this: I have an ex boyfriend, who lives in the Germany. This guy comes around 2 or 3 times in a year to Naija. Anytime he is around, he calls me and we hook up. He always used to tell me he still loves me but he has a baby mama in Germany. He is hoping to get residency being with her for a while so he does not want to jeopardize his chances. He came around last month and asked me to come over but this time, I did not want to come cos I was tired of just hooking up with someone who does not want to marry me.
That really bothered him and he has been chatting with me since he got back. He has proposed a secret marriage if I like. But it MUST be secret because his partner must not find out. I must not post anything about the marriage on social media and I must not tell anyone. I told him ok, that I want to have a child too from a legal marriage. We agreed but when I told my parents, they kicked against it.
Now, I know my parents want to celebrate their daughter being married, they do not want me to marry someone who is also married to a German woman. What my parents don’t get it,I am getting to 40 years. Time has past…time is not on my side. Are they happy that I have not gotten married yet? What is so wrong with marrying someone and keeping it a secret? After all, there will be a private traditional wedding which is legal in the Nigerian legal system?
My father has said over his dead body. I am frustrated. I love my dad and I do not want to disappoint him but this is my life…why can’t he just be happy for me? This may not be his dream for me…not the way for any parent to see their daughter marry but things are not normal for me. I mean, if I am to have a child inside a marriage which they insist, why can’t they allow me marry this man? Why will he not allow me have a private or secret marriage? Is it the marriage of other people or mine?
I think my parents are being insensitive and unfair. I want to go ahead without their blessing. Someone said I should never marry without my parents blessings, that it will have a repercussion but I am hoping my parents will come around to accept my marriage. What do you think please? I need your advise.
What do you think I should do….I am not a small girl…I am an adult almost 40 years for god’s sake…what will happen if I go on without my parents blessing? I am already successful…I just need to be married and have a child and my life will be complete…why should my parents deny me that? If I let this opportunity go, what if I never find someone who wants to marry a 40 year old or like they say…who wants to marry a woman who probably intimidates them with her success?
My parents say they are not pressuring me to marry but they are getting old…when they die…who will I have? My siblings all have their families and me, am all alone. I do not even attend family gatherings anymore cos I feel left out when everyone comes with their spouses and children. Its becoming too much to pretend to be content when I am truly not content. I need this…my parents cannot deny me this.
Please I am confused…what should I do?
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear all about it. Email us at email@example.com or Whatsapp +2348029870309