There comes a time when a relationship may hit a rough patch. It’s quite common and natural in the course of a relationship. However, things might take a sudden turn.
Is the current state of your marriage making you wonder, “How to save my marriage by myself?” Then this article is for you.
Instead of waiting for your partner to make changes or for things to resolve naturally, you can figure out steps to save marriage and implement them to reconcile things between you and your partner.
Why do marriages fall apart?
Marriages are a lot of hard work, so it is no surprise that some marriages fall apart. But how do marriages fail despite the hopeful note on which most of them start?
There are several reasons why marriages fail. It indicates a breakdown in the intimacy and bond that the couple share due to factors that may include:
- Breakdown in communication
- Loss of respect and understanding in the relationship
- Constant arguments and fights
- Lack of intimacy or sexual satisfaction
- Incompatibility due to different life approaches, life goals and temperament
- Stress-related to financial pressures
- Pent up frustrations leading to permanent resentment
- Religious differences
- Pressures linked with disputes with extended family members
How to assess whether your marriage is worth saving
Before you ask yourself, “How can I save my marriage by myself,” it is critical to assess whether you have genuine reasons and desire to do so.
Some relationships are beyond the point of repair and have no life left in them. Trying to save these hopeless marriages would be a waste of time and energy for both parties. Additionally, it can cause further emotional pain and frustration.
You should assess whether your marriage is worth saving before taking any steps to save your marriage.
30 ways to learn how to save my marriage by myself
It’s indeed challenging to answer the question, ‘How to fix myself to save my marriage?’ Although it is possible but it is certainly not an easy task.
You will have to assess your behavior and be open to making changes. But if you really love your partner and want to make things work, you will be highly motivated to make these changes.
Listed below are tips on how to save a marriage when only one is trying, that may be of help to you:
1. Remember your marriage vows
Before you think of walking out of a relationship, ask yourself why you fell for your partner.
Marriage vows are not just phrases written only for the wedding; they remind you of your relationship values and what’s important to you.
Marriage vows remind you why you chose your partner to be your spouse, what it was that you appreciated the most about them, and how they impact your life together.
They make you remember when things get difficult; you don’t give up.
2. Don’t expect perfection
When you’re wondering ‘How to save my marriage by myself?’, don’t forget that no one is perfect.
No matter how good and caring you are, you will still not be perfect.
Every person has a few flaws and that’s what makes us human. So, while you’re looking for perfection in your spouse, assess your behavior as well.
Instead of expecting perfection from your partner, start acknowledging the flaws.
The moment you start doing it, you’ll notice a change in your behavior towards them. Gradually, things will improve and you’ll be in a better place in your marriage.
3. Identify the problem
Don’t just walk out of it if you feel that your marriage is going through a rough patch.
Instead, face it courageously.
If you are trying to find out how to save my marriage, try to get to the root of the problem first.
Look what’s bothering you or pushing your marriage to the edge. There is definitely a solution to all the problems. Don’t just give up on it so soon and easily.
4. Refocus on other things
Perhaps, you’re focusing too much on the problem which is bothering you by raising your anxiety levels.
Instead, it would serve you better if you started focusing on other important things, like your spouse’s good habits. Obsessive thoughts can harm your peace of mind!
Undoubtedly, the moment you would shift your focus, you would get an answer to ‘how to save my marriage by myself.
5. Stop complaining
In the quest to find ‘how to save my marriage by myself,’ you must understand that you can’t change anything by begging, crying or just seeking validation for things.
It would be best to give up on these coping methods at once and take things under your control.
It would help if you fought for it and acted in a productive manner.
Talk to your partner about your failing marriage and the steps you can take to control it. If you really want to learn how to fix your marriage, you must act right now and take all the necessary measures.
6. Be emotionally strong
There surely will be moments that will weaken you.
Things will make you doubt yourself and you may find yourself asking how to save my marriage by myself or why am I doing it? But, in either case, you mustn’t give up.
You have to be strong and fight this all alone. The journey will be long and tiring, so be prepared if you’re willing to take up the challenge of ‘Save my marriage by me.’
7. Re-evaluate your actions
If you are trying to understand ‘how to save my marriage by myself kind of a person, then you must understand that the same actions will give you a similar result.
You need to re-evaluate your actions. Sit and observe what is it that you’re doing wrong.
If you’re running behind your partner to save the marriage, then you must stop running.
If you’ve been ignoring things, you must take matters into your hand and speak to your partner about the issues. These reverse actions will give you different results.
8. Plan a date
If you think dating is out of your marriage, you must rethink this.
It’s not wrong to go on a date with your partner after marriage. You can still enjoy your time alone.
So, if you’re trying to figure out ‘How to save my marriage by myself, then plan a date. Spend some time with your spouse, just the two of you. Talk about your feelings and life. Such getaways will help you revive the dying romance.
READ ALSO: 4 key Factors On How To Make Your Relationship Work
9. Make changes
Remember, if you want your marriage to be perfect and your partner to contribute to it, you’ll have to first start contributing to it.
It’s a relationship, and everything is done together. So, you start the change if you want things to change for the better in your marriage.
10. Work on your communication skills
Try to work on your communication skills, but don’t forget the one by your side. Good and healthy communication in a marriage means expressing your emotions and listening carefully to your spouse with an open heart.
Even when the communication within the relationship isn’t as good as it used to be or practically devastated, you need to know communication is the key.
It plays a vital role in the success of your marriage, and you need to attempt to restore or keep the communication channels open.
11. Take initiative
If you want to figure out ways to save your marriage, you have to do something, so start here! You know the key is in your hands. The problems within your marriage won’t work out by themselves.
So if you are still thinking about how to save my marriage by myself, you should stop thinking and start doing something about it.
Start from somewhere, and when you do, you will find many marriage-saving tips that may help you rekindle your marriage.
12. Handle problems with confidence
Attempt to show your spouse you can deal with marital problems with confidence and a positive approach.
Making fake promises and not putting enough effort can make your partner unsure about your relationship. Take control of your relationship and make sure that whatever was missing on your part is done.
It shows how important it is for you to learn how to save your marriage, and it will also uplift your partner’s spirit to work on this relationship.
13. Provide love and support
Provide love and support to the one who you have chosen to be your life partner. Your spouse needs validation as much as you do.
You can talk about mutual goals and ambitions with your spouse. Assess whether you both feel emotionally validated and appreciated within the relationship.
Maybe it’s time to talk about all these matters again like you probably did at the beginning of the relationship.
READ ALSO: How To Make Her Stay In The Relationship
14. Be patient
It would be best to understand that if you are thinking about divorce, your problems are not going anywhere overnight. It would be best if you had faith and patience.
It took time to damage the relationship, and it will take time to repair it.
There is no shortcut. Commit to undoing the damage you both have caused and work on it consistently to save your relationship.
15. Practice empathy
You both need to practice empathy if you want to save your relationship. It would help if you got into each other’s shoes, thought about what your partner is going through, and came up with solutions.
Empathy can make a positive difference in your relationship. You need to understand that there is no need to be competitive. You can find solutions that cater to the needs of you both.
Different people express their love in different ways.
16. Show your appreciation
Feeling appreciated is something that men and women both crave. It takes so little to show your spouse that you appreciate them, yet many fail to do it.
Not feeling appreciated can leave a person wondering why they should bother trying when it comes to everything from chores to communicating.
For saving a marriage, it is essential to let them regularly know that you appreciate them and what they do by acknowledging things like helping around the house, taking care of the kids, or working hard every day.
It will make them feel loved and valued, boosting their self-esteem and making them feel good about the marriage.
17. Show physical affection
With our busy lives and even just getting comfortable as time goes on, it’s far too easy to let the affection go out of a marriage.
To learn how to change myself to save my marriage, couples need to improve marriage intimacy.
This isn’t just about sex, but also other forms of affection, such as holding hands, kissing, or cuddling.
To save a marriage, it is crucial to make an effort to physically touch your partner multiple times throughout the day, especially if this is his love language.
It doesn’t take much to make them feel loved and desired. Initiate sex rather than always expecting him to do it and show your enthusiasm about it even if you’re tired.
You’ll be glad you did every time.
READ ALSO: I now understand why marriages end in divorce – Shade Ladipo says one year after she got married
18. Bring back the fun
Take a good, honest look at what you’re like to be around.
Do you complain a lot? Do you have fun moments with your partner? Would you want to come home to someone who is like you?
The answers to these questions might surprise you and show you what you could be doing to ruin your marriage. While pressing issues come up and life’s not always fun and games, you should try to spend time doing things that make you happy.
Work on the things that are troubling you and do what you can to be happy for yourself and your spouse. If you’re happy and easy to be with, then they will be more comfortable and easier to be with too.
19. Say it with as few words as possible
The key to communicating well is to think before you speak and make your point using as few words as possible.
This helps you stay on track and keeps you from coming off as argumentative or like you’re nagging, all of which can cause an argument or make your husband tune you out or speak over you.
It also makes your point easy to understand for less confusion and fewer misunderstandings.
Avoiding long, drawn-out talks makes communicating more accessible and your “talks” far less scary.
20. Focus on yourself
One of the most important tips to save your marriage is to keep yourself above your spouse, work, business, friends, and even your children. It would be best if you also tended to yourself.
Get a haircut, workout, dress to impress, maintain good hygiene, and you would see the change in your spouse and your marriage.
21. Address the issues right away
It takes two to tango, so anytime you sense some pent-up aggression or resentment towards or from your spouse.
To learn how to fix a marriage, take time to address issues and find the reasons for any misunderstanding between the two of you.
Own up for your part of the misconception and apologize for your mistakes without pointing fingers at your partner.
22. Prepare a problems list
Find out the root of the anger, frustration, and disappointment you have inside you. You need to figure out when you stopped caring about your relationship and how reviving your relationship started to seem impossible to handle.
Write down all the issues and determine what triggered you to give up on your relationship.
Try to discuss the problems with your partner, clearly stating your concern and what you want.
Instead of focusing your energy on what is wrong in the relationship, focus on what can be fixed.
23. Ask questions
Couples can start taking each other for granted, leading to your partner feeling that you don’t value them or the relationship.
A meaningful way to transform things in your marriage is by asking your spouse questions about their day, needs, desires, hardships, and joys.
It will help make them feel heard, cherished and valued. They will realize that they matter to you which will strengthen your marriage.
24. Stay away from negative people
When you go through such extreme melancholy, people around you talk about it, and most of the time, the comments or conversations about it are negative.
All those negative comments about your partner and relationship can taint your bond. You need to make sure that you both don’t surround yourself with such people.
Also, it would be best if you both avoided making negative comments about each other. Give the other person the respect you deserve and demand.
25. Make a plan of action
Map out what’s not working between you and your partner and start working on solutions that will please you both. It is a proactive method of learning ‘how to save my marriage by myself.’
The problems in your relationship will not disappear on their own. You need to accept the differences and create a plan to address your concerns. It will give your efforts direction and motivation.
26. Share their burden
Be it household chores or other responsibilities, try to give your partner a helping hand in things they are trying to do.
Offer your help before they have had a chance to feel burdened by the things that are on their shoulders.
These considerate actions will make your partner feel less burdened and happier. Furthermore, they will bloom with joy under the glow of your care and consideration.
27. Avoid volatile arguments
What does fighting—what does screaming, arguing, and tossing insults—solve? Nothing.
You can’t save your broken marriage if you cannot put away your fighting gloves, set aside your fighting words, and approach the problems with a conscious discussion instead of a fight.
The answer to “How to make a marriage work?” isn’t to yell at your partner about your problems. It’s to be able to discuss with them together as rationally as you can.
This doesn’t mean that you need to set your emotions aside. After all, a marriage problem will naturally cause both of you to be emotional. It just means that you need to encourage a discussion, not a fight.
28. Seek outside help
Don’t be afraid to find some outside, professional help. Considering marriage counseling is a big step to save your marriage, and it’s an even more significant step to commit to attending marriage counseling.
But you don’t need to be afraid of asking for outside marriage help, especially since neutral third parties who are trained to deal with marriage problems actively may be able to help you in a big way.
If you struggle to come together as a married couple who can discuss and work on your problems, outside help may be the boost you need.
29. Invest your time and effort
A marriage, or any relationship for that matter, requires constant nurturing. As a couple, you need to invest your time, effort, and money, among other things, to yield a solid return on your marriage.
Consistent investment in any marriage is the key to its survival. When fighting for your relationship, one needs to be open to finding ways to understand their companion and their bond better.
One of the ways to do so is to read more about tips to save your marriage and gather information from experts and apply them to your marriage.
30. Stay calm
Even when things aren’t easy or working out the way you expected, make sure to keep calm and work on things with your spouse.
In a marriage, there are many situations where you can convey that you are a caring and loving person.
Be patient and understand that you and your partner are both stressed, and it will take some time to work out things and satisfy your mutual needs.
Why is it important to save your marriage
Before you ask yourself, “how to save my marriage by myself,” you may want to understand the reasons why it is important to work hard to save a marriage.
Marriage marks a bond and commitment that one usually makes in front of their loved ones.
If you decide to get divorced, you will have to deal with the failure of your marriage and the negative emotions that come along with that decision.
Whereas if you manage to learn to save your marriage, you can retain the bond and commitment with someone that matters to you a lot.
Also, saving the relationship can make it stronger, adding to your happiness significantly.
Do you remember why and how you fell in love? Remind your spouse of those feelings and emotions you both felt then. If there’s mutual love, why end up falling apart, right?
Don’t forget to stay positive, calm, and patient. You can save your marriage and never worry about it again if you both can reconnect your hearts and minds.
You can make your love win and save your marriage. Make your relationship work again by taking action. Seek advice if needed, but do something. The answer is and will always be in your hands – You can save your marriage.