HomeAdviceHow Do You Fight For A Marriage When There Is No Desire?

How Do You Fight For A Marriage When There Is No Desire?


- Advertisement -


Keep me anonymous. I need advise,I hope I can get some to help me clear my head. I have been married for 8 years to an amazing man. Well,amazing until late last year. I started noticing a strange behavior from my husband but I thought it was just my imagination.

It started with him being withdrawn. He would be quiet and seem like something was bothering him. I became worried when our s*x life became less and less frequent. When I spoke to him,he said he was having some back pain and pain in his crotch.

- Advertisement -

My reaction was,maybe it was an STD so I encouraged him to go get some medical help but he just got more and more withdrawn. For the first time in 2 months,no s*x. That was when I started suspecting maybe he was seeing someone else.

I began to breakdown and cry cos it seemed like my husband did not want intimacy with me. I begged and prayed. And I spoke to his older brother. That one just encouraged me and told me to keep praying. In March,I could not take it anymore,I told him I wanted a divorce if we are going to be married and be having no s*x.

My husband then changed a little and we made love only once in March. The next time I tried to make advances at him,he pushed me away. He started sobbing and said to me that he needs to tell me something. I was now very worried…I was waiting to hear: there is someone else from his mouth..

My husband said to me that he thinks he is a homos*xual. My mouth was open for a few seconds…I was like:WTF are you talking about? When did you realize that…what made you think you are?…Here I was,looking at a man who I married as a fully straight man,coming to tell me 8 years later that he is not straight?

Is this a dream? Long story short,my husband maybe having an identify crisis. His father and mother divorced when he was a teenager. And he got abused by their Driver as a young man. He said he thought he was abused but he also feels like he enjoyed s*x with a man more than a woman.

- Advertisement -

Now,my question is:how do you know s*x with a man is better than s*x with a woman? He said he has been having the urge to sleep with a man since the beginning of last year. Now,what happens to us,our marriage,does he want to quit? He said no but he wanted us to pray about it,maybe its just a phase.

I do not know what to do,I have never been in this kind of situation before. And now,he finally told me last week, that we should separate. That he does not want to deceive me anymore…I cannot believe it…I have been crying my eyes since. I think there is someone else. Maybe a man or woman and he is actually using this homo thing as an excuse.

- Advertisement -

Not in a million years did I think I would ever be in this position. I love my husband and I do not want to leave without a fight. How do I even begin to fight for our marriage when he says we should separate,that he feels he is not himself anymore. My family members want us to pray and cast out the demon of homos*xuality.

But I feel betrayed and unwanted in this marriage. Is it really time to let go? So,all we had together,is it really over? Will he come out of it? My family says I should give him time,that he will come out of it. The family wants me to keep it a secret too. That we should not have to separate,let him try and keep our marriage even if he thinks he is homos*xual.

What should I do please?

Anonymous Email Post


Photo Credit:thebesthealthmag



- Advertisement -

Click Here to join our Bullet Proof Relationship Facebook Group

A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This is a serious case and indeed requires alot of deep thought. I believe your husband needs help from all indications there is every need for counsellor, psychologist and thorough investigation as to ascertain if there is no woman in the picture and never underestimate the power of prayer because it changes things… wish you good luck and be strong indeed it will pass

  2. My dear,u need to be patient n pray,pray n pray God will give you all the wisdom n the strength u need to pull through this ordeal. Good luck

  3. You remember your marriage vows

    For better, for worse…
    In sickness and in health…

    Well, from what you’ve stated I think your husband has some mental issues and needs help medically.
    Keep praying, keep fighting by staying put in your marriage, since there’s no threat to life.

    Get him to see a Psychiatrist and keep on being supportive to him.

    May the Good Lord see your family through this. Amen.

  4. This is indeed a difficult moment, your husband need help.. Quitting is not the option here.
    You have to gather your emotions and brace up. Encourage him to see a therapist. This is not the time to start thinking that maybe he’s seeing someone else and want to use it as an excuse. Support and help him the much you can and most importantly pray for him and for your marriage so that you will overcome this phase.

  5. There is nothing God cannot handle..I will encourage you to be patient and pray for him.
    You didn’t say he maltreats you so just be patient this phase will pass.. good luck.

  6. Hummm…this your story got me thinking since I read it, like how can life just turn around just like that, but my dear you really need prayers and you need to talk to his family or anyone he respect if u want to keep this marriage

  7. Hello,

    This is a lot to deal with honestly.

    Whilst praying, you need to take decisive actions by helping your husband with a psychiatrist or psychologist. He needs therapy and counseling as soon as possible. Mental health issues are becoming a thing in our society because we have not dealt with medically.

    I understand you feel so many emotions right now but you need to detach from your husband whilst he is undergoing therapy for himself and your sanity.

    Don’t forget the place of prayers too!

    All will be well.

  8. You really need to pray hard,it is no plan of GOD for men to fancy men or women to fancy women !.
    His abuse impaired him psychologically!.
    He needs helps,its not his fault,the evil driver awakened senses which should never be present in him as a man!.
    Please engage in serious prayers,engage family members and pastors you can…
    Dont give up on him even if he’s not willing to pray for himself .
    May the Lord fix your home,fix your hubby,and strengthen you through this ordeal!.
    May the Lord’s presence and light settle in your hubby and marriage.

  9. Hello,

    Thank you for taking the courage to share your story.

    This is a deep situation and my advise is: take a deep breathe and stop worrying. Everything will be alright.

    What your husband is experiencing is an identity crisis. No one was born gay or straight. God recommended for a man to be with a woman and that is the bible standard. S.e.xual orientations are formed from religion,culture,upbringing and societal norms at large.

    That he feels he is homos*xual is as a result of his perception about who he thinks he should be. What he should be is what God made him to be: to be with a woman.

    Now,for you both to address this,you will need two major interventions: prayers and counselling.

    The man is struggling and he does not need anyone to pressure him to think he has lost his mind. I know you feel pained and betrayed but what he needs now,is not you telling him how pained you are but telling him to get the help that he needs both spiritually and psychologically.

    You can only help him by praying for him. Pray that God will help him see himself the way God wants him to be. Pray against the spirit of confusion and may God grant him the insight to be free from all the dark voices telling him who he is not.

    He may also not have been able to deal with the traumas of his childhood from the abuse he suffered. He needs to talk to a shrink who can help him face those fears and help him find coping mechanisms to let the past go so he can live a future free from hurt.

    As for you,you need to take care of yourself,mentally and spiritually. None of this is your fault. Think of it as your husband is sick and just be patient with him,pray for him and be patient.

    If he wants a separation,give him space….dont fight him….he is going through a phase that only God can help him….

    Just trust in the power of prayers and really you cannot force anyone to love you. His mind needs to be in the right frame to appreciate his real life and forget the mirage he is dealing with.

    It wont be easy but you have to be patient,be prayerful and be empathetic to him.

    Let his family also try and get him the help he needs.

    You will be fine….God has got your back.Do not let worry get a hold of you. You need to find the strength to live and find peace in the midst of all of this storm because,it will be over one day.

    God bless you.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


Must Read