Hello ma,
Please post my story. I need to sample peoples’ reaction. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is from the west while I am from the North Eastern part of this country, but I live in Ibadan. My boyfriend’s elder brother lives in Bodija (not real location) and his wife is a very lovely person, married for 13 years though they have not been blessed with children.
A very good Christian woman who is always praying for me and my boyfriend. She is very friendly and warm towards everyone. We call her big mummy. Last month,was my boyfriend’s parents 40th wedding anniversary, so we all went to the village to the party. I joined the women to cook and organize.
It was then,I noticed a woman who is pregnant also working with the women. I was told she is a relative that got pregnant for some man that did not marry her. So,she was living with my boyfriends parents who were assisting her. This was her second pregnancy because,she already had a son of about 2 years.
As the festivities were ongoing,I got a little tired and decided to go rest a little. I went to our room but found out my boyfriend had his friends around. I tried another room and discovered it was locked from inside. I then went to lie down on the sofa in the sitting room.
I had not slept but my eyes were shut. Not long,the locked door was open and out came out that pregnant relative. I was curious,why was she in the room and locked from inside. I still pretended to be sleeping and like 2 mins later,my boyfriend’s elder brother came out of the same room.
I was shocked …what were they doing,locked up inside?Is big daddy cheating with our lovely big Mummy? This is not fair…I was so pained. I didn’t want this to be true. After the party that night, I told my boyfriend what I saw and he asked me to mind my business.
According to him,he would talk to his brother. I love big mummy…I know she is yet to have a child but she is so kind and I do not want to see her hurt. For some reason,I met this so called relative the next day in the kitchen. I was so furious with her and felt I should have a woman to woman talk with her.
I told her to stop messing with big daddy and not ruin her life and a happy family. She looked at me and hissed. And told me: so who do you think is responsible for my pregnancy? I was like;what?..It turns out…she is pregnant for big daddy and he is also the father of her first child. My head started to ache.
I quickly grabbed my boyfriend to tell him what I found out. But my boyfriend only got angry with me for snooping. It then dawned on me that my boyfriend already knew. I was so pained. The entire family knew yet they were deceiving big mummy. This really broke my heart for the poor big mummy.
It shook me to my core. I wanted to tell big mummy but I know if I do,my boyfriend may never forgive me. But one thing this revelation is caused is that,it made me believe I cannot trust my boyfriend’s family…and even my boyfriend…how can they be keeping such a wicked secret?
What if it happened that I am the one that they were keeping such a secret from? My boyfriend is trying to justify that they just want their brother to have children…not to break big mummy’s heart…so why not adopt? why hide this? and one day,she will find out..how will she feel? Honestly,that disgusts me…
Since that happened, I have found it very tough to flow with my boyfriend. How do I get over this and still marry him?…one thing I know is,…I cannot look big mummy in her face and continue to keep this secret from her.
Is this a sign to end things with my boyfriend? Please advise.
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Photo Credit:The Healthy
My simple advice is don’t marry that family ooo… cos it’s obvious they support cheating and they have the male as children…. my sister that home is not healthy for you……
Hummm…stories do have different angle, views and if u are to blame ur boyfriend and alas he isnt in support of it and it always make him angry or it can be that your boyfriend is wicked and is in support then my sis you are in for it! he can do anything to you without feeling remorse becuse dis kind of family doesnt respect holy matrimony oath ..I will advise to push him to talk or find ur way oo before u enter mess
Seriously girl mind your business.
I know of some tribes in Nigeria that encourage such, so that their brother will have children….
It’s their belief. You can’t tell big Mummy it’s not in your place to tell her. Such is life…
Life doesn’t always promise happy endings, infact if life throws you lemons make lemonades.
Now you know the family values of your boyfriend’s family it’s up to you to know what to do, whether you continue or not.
I think it shouldn’t spoil your relationship with your boyfriend. It’s coming as a shocker to you because you’ve never experienced such. Talking from a point of experience, I’ve seen more.
Take this as one of those things in life…
It happens…
Yoruba people na their way so,they can never marry u n not have another woman in their village, it’s very rear to see that happening in the West,they like home n tribalism things to the core,my dear for u not to be a victim, quietly carry urself out of that family becso that is their reality, u can still date him with the consciousness that u will not marry him or u marry him n live with that reality. N weda u marry him n give him children or not,, the Yoruba man will always have a wife or wife to be in their village,execpt the very core Christians,becos that thing is like a tradition of the land.
Not all yoruba’s my brother, am a Yoruba woman and as I grow up I didn’t see it as a culture, once you married you are, not having any other woman in the village.
When you are talking about giving birth to children, some part of Yoruba are like that, believing the woman must have children. But nowadays everyone is minding their business.
Is never our culture of marrying a woman and still have another woman in the village. Those family just want their first child to have his own children before they died. Is never be a culture in Yoruba land.
My dear, things do happen in marriage. It’s either you pretend like them and do as if you didn’t know anything, but if you know within yourself that you wouldn’t be able to live with your husband and be rest assured that they are not doing the same thing to you.. I advise you work away. For your own peace of mind.
Pls mind your business and don’t be too forward, allow them do their thing the way they want after all your boyfriend is aware.
Mind your business. Pray you don’t find yourself in this situation. If you are not comfortable with what you saw, walk away and find another man. God is the only true judge, you cannot play His role.
Ur case is different don’t think of it that way what matter in a relationship is understanding and knowing ur partner well enough even identi cal twins have different character.
My dear, I will suggest you walk away from that relationship.if there is no trust in a relationship,of what use is the relationship? remember,you are not the same tribe with ur man,what if such thing happens to you in the near future?if they can keep such secrets away from an innocent woman,and still pretend they love her! Chai the heart of men is really wicked!May God almighty help her because I wonder how she will feel the day she finds out! The earlier the better my dear.For those of you advising her to mind her business and continue with the relationship,I don’t think you people are been fair.By the time she starts passing through hell in her marriage,you people will not be there.
Well I’ll suggest you mind your business and as well decide if you would continue your relationship as a result of your recent finding. For big mummy keeping praying for her
Babe if you love your life quit that relationship, they’re not healthy people to live or have a future with, as for big mummy don’t tell her,but you see that your boyfriend family fear them,because they are capable of anything
Fear anyone that doesn’t fear this your boyfriend family. Please take a bow and leave the stage for them.
[…] At this time,I was getting really worked up. I told her she was bl*ffing and she said I was being naive. I told her I would ask my wife…she said she would deny but that does not mean its not true. She would deny because she swore to keep my wife’s secret. […]