I Married A Total Stranger By Mistake: Is God Giving Me A Second Chance?
I need your help. I may have made a mistake in my marriage but I also feel like maybe God is giving me a sign. So, three years ago, I was in a relationship with my ex. We were very much in love but at the time, he was having challenges and I think his challenges made him edgy and affected our relationship.
He was the eldest son of their family and their father passed a few years back. So even though he was working, his family put pressure on him to take care of his younger ones and see them through school. When we met, it always seemed like his family felt threatened that he was in love with me and I was going to take the first place in their brother’s life.
An opportunity came for him to travel abroad and so his family wanted him to Obviously so he can earn better and send them money back home. After he traveled, his family peddled rumors about me not being faithful. My boyfriend became paranoid and actually asked me to move in with his family. I felt hurt that he believed them over me and I told him there was no use.
We broke up and even though he begged me to forgive him…I felt like his family wahala was just too much. I let him be…I believe no girl can come between a man and his family. It was a very painful breakup because for a long time, I had pictured myself being married to him. Well, guys, who found out I was single, wasted no time in coming for me. I was hurting and wanted to date and forget him quickly.
Now, that happened like 2 months later. I met my husband. He was a cool guy. He knew what he wanted. He asked me to marry him after two months of dating. It was cray but I said yes. Maybe I also wanted to show my ex how quickly I can move on from him. That is how I got married to a man I did not know very well until after marriage. I thought it was love at first sight kind of thing.
After marriage, I found out my husband was very different from me. He was the very traditional and conservative type. He did not show love and affection the way I was used to. So, all the romance and fun life I was used to was over. I mean, he tried during our dating but he decided that since we were married, no need to pretend to be who he was not.
So, he restricted my dressing. My social media….my friends…he provided for me but he was hardly around, always traveling for business. He asked me not to work. I was unhappy but many thought why was I complaining when he was providing for me. But we lacked that companionship and friendship. S8x was more like a duty. I remember the first time I told him that he does not satisfy me s8xualy…he looked at me like I was a whore.
He said its because maybe I am not a virgin that is why I cannot enjoy s8x. I told him he knew I was not a virgin and he said that is why I am so wide and cannot enjoy s8x. I mean, he is so backward. We quarreled and he would ignore me for days. He said he is ignoring me so he does not get pushed to beat me but that silent treatment can be worse than beating you know.
I got pregnant about 4 months later and he barely touched me for the rest of the pregnancy. I got my friend to sneak in a vibrator for me …so I would take care of myself anytime I felt the urge. Eventually, my labor came and I was admitted. My husband was not around. I was alone cos my mother could not make it in time. I had no one except my girlf friend who was even inexperienced.
And then, the worst happened. My baby was too big and was losing air. It took a while to reach my husband on phone to get his permission for a cesarean. Eventually, we had to take the decision without him and by the time the operation was over, the baby was too weak and passed on.
I lost my first child. I was beyond devastated. After almost 11 hours of labor. I was angry and depressed. That my husband was not there when I needed him. When we got home, I was so sad and suicidal that my mother begged my husband to take me home to rest. As we traveled home, I told my mother I wanted a divorce. She thought it was because of the loss of my baby but I tried to explain to her that there is no love in my marriage.
My mother tried to convince me that love not what keeps a marriage. But I was tired of my situation. Getting home, my girlfriend found out my ex was in town from the US. She reached out to him and he came to visit me. I had no idea…Soon as he stepped into our house and saw me…he and I just started crying It was obvious we both made a mistake.
Yes…I made a big mistake…I left the love of my life to marry someone who does not care about me. My ex knows me…cares about me but he let his family get in our way. We both talked and talked…he was miserable without me. He said I hurt him for getting married in less than two months to a total stranger…I too felt his pain. He has not been able to move on.
My ex wanted me back and we both knew we wanted no one else but each other. My mother and family are saying no…that divorce is not an option cos we are Catholics. They also feel that my ex-family would always be an issue but he has assured me that nothing or no one will ever come in between us. His family is not so happy about it but he told them he has made his choice.
So the only issue is that…I refused to return to inform my husband. I only sent him a message that I am no longer marrying him. He came straight to our place and has been begging me. He is using money to bribe my people. Bought a Mercedes Benz to entice my mother. I said no…but my mother has said over her dead body will I divorce my husband.
They made my husband promise to treat me better but I feel like God is giving me a second chance with the one true love of my life. I don’t want to through that away. And for sure…my husband will never really change. I have lived with him for almost two years…how am I sure he will change?
I am confused: is this a sign from God…my ex really loves me…you don’t need a blind man to tell you that…Should I go back to him and forget this marriage? And go against my family especially my mother?…my ex wants me to make up my mind cos he does not want to get his hopes up for nothing…please what do I do? Chase after my love and happiness or go back to my prison called marriage?
Please advise me
Nkiru (Not real name)
Photo Credit:iStock
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Hello Sister. You said GOD has given you a second chance…no no, GOD didn’t give you any second chance, you only wish you can go back to your ex, I don’t know why people deceive themselves, I’m not being harsh, I’m just being honest with you. You know what you will do already. Psl leave your ex, forget about him.
You have to be happy my sister,marriage is a long term journey so you need to be joyful while you are in it. Tell your husband that you are done,if you know your ex still loves you and his family will not come between you people in future please go ahead. Your happiness is key,very important. This is a lesson for ladies who will not take their time to atleast understand or know the person they want to get married too. It is well with you
My sister you have ur decision to make nobody in this platform will make choose for u.my point here is that u know u truly love ur ex u just rush in into marriage,what u should have done with patient n look for ways to settle issue wit ur ex family u went ahead to marry within two months,ur the cost of ur problem bcos u didn’t get heal b4 jumping into another relationship n u end up marry d wrong hubby..you ask for what u want in ur present marriage..Now that ur ex wanted u back nw ,how will u realate with his family ,I hope ur ex family will accept u willing ! I wish u luck in ur decision making
Pls, do not go back to that marriage, have your family formally return his dowry pls, marriage comes with its own issues and having your partner add to it is worse, it is easier to forgive someone who loves when they offend and to stick through life with them, than with someone who clearly doesn’t care…
Divorce is not an option , Divorce is not an option until you die abi…. Pls…. Ppl making marriage looks like a death sentence, but if you think you have the strength to endure such marriage, well then….
My little opinion
My dear life is short o so enjoy while it lasts. Don’t live in unhappiness all in the name of marriage. Please leave that man cos he won’t change. And for your ex hmmmmm, if he’s the only star in his family till now then you need to think well. Just be happy. By the way,women need to know that you don’t need your husband’s permission to get a CS, you only need to inform him. What if it was a matter of life and death and he refused to permit CS, naso you go willingly die cos of a man, tomorrow now he will marry another woman to cater for your kids. What about your kids, any assurance she will be nice to them. Please women, love yourself. Life is short o.
I’ll advice you to be bit patient.. take out some time from your parents, husband and your ex.you need to clear your head to be able to decide on the steps you’re about to take.
Marriage is a very sensitive union you are about breaking up with one man to be join to another man you once broke up with and meanwhile your ex boyfriend’s family never liked you according to you..are you sure you want to do this?? can you cope with the challenges that will come as a result of going ahead to marry him against your family wishes and his own family??are you sure what you think you both share can stand the test of time and the challenges that are ahead of you??
If you want to divorce your husband because he is insensitive to your needs that is fine but saying you want to leave him and go back to your ex is too hasty a decision to take.. that same hasty decision landed you in the marriage that you want to dissolve now and you’re going back to that same person you left for the marriage..aunty be calming down ooo please.. ask God to direct you on the best decision to take.. Good luck.
Sorry my sister, life before marriage is one thing ,and life after marriage is entirely different, you’ve seen who your husband is after marriage, but you don’t know what your ex will become after marriage, what if he treats you worse than your husband? Will you wish you had stayed with your husband? Pls stay with your husband, marriage is a fairy tale… you’ll always deal with one issue or the other…Be strong and I pray God ease your way
Life is too short for unnecessary drama, do what makes you happy. Wish you all the best
As long as you and your husband didn’t do a court marriage, arrange to return with your ex to the US
Your husband does not have a problem rather you’re the problem in your marriage. You’re comparing your husband with your ex until. As married woman why would you allow your ex to come visiting you in your husbands house? That man is better off without you in his life. Your ex people will make life miserable for in that marriage. You hated them but you want marry their son.
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