I Regret Getting Married But I Must Decide To Stay Married Or Loose Everything-Pls Advise
Hello ma,
My name is Felicia (not real name). I am 31 years old. I got married when I was 24 years to my boyfriend. Actually I got pregnant and my family insisted on marriage. My husband has never been a faithful man right from day one. That made me decide not to have another baby after my first child.
I mean, the behavior is bad. He is sleeping with several women. Sometimes, I read his text and I even see some women fighting each other over him. He is so promiscuous…I truly wish I knew him more before getting pregnant…I would not have found myself in this position.
Initially, when I complained about his cheating, he said he did not want to marry…that I used pregnancy to trap him. So, I can leave when I am tired. I admit, I should actually leave because this man has no respect for me.
The only thing he does is provide for our daughter. He barely gives me anything…that is not for food. I have only OND and I took my friend’s advise and decided to go back to school to get my HND. That afforded me the opportunity to forget about him and focus on my child and my education.
Being back in school, really helped. I made new friends. One of them, a single lecturer who is interested in me. But I told him that I cannot cheat on my husband even though he is doing the same to me.
All is going well for me. My husband began to notice I am happy, dressing well and he decided to stop me from going to school. He said he wants me to stay at home and look after our child and I should think of having a second child now since our first is now 6 years old.
I told him no, that my education is for me to better my life since he is not giving me money. He then agreed to pay me 250k every month as salary. Ma, that is very tempting but I am afraid of quitting my school cos I know education is important. Its the only thing giving me pure joy.
What if he changes his mind one day and maybe actually our marriage break up…I will have no education and surely that 250k will stop coming. So, I told him no…then he said I should choose between the marriage or school. That if I choose school, he will divorce me …and marry someone who will take care of our daughter and give him more children.
I told him what if I do online school….he said no. That he wants full concentration. I am confused. Do I give up school to look after my daughter and have more children with 250k allowance or give up the marriage and further my education?
When I told my lecturer, the one interested in me…he said education is better…he promised to sponsor my education if I leave my husband and marry him. Please help me decide…what option is best for me….I really don’t mind loosing my marriage cos the marriage is not even a real one …he is always with other women…
But how do I know this lecturer will keep to his promise and sponsor my education? Is a bird in hand worth two in the bush? Should I take up my husband’s offer…remain in a miserable marriage and raise children and forget my education or follow my lecturer and loose my marriage?
Anonymous
Photo Credit:thatsister
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Dear poster, your husband is making this offer to you because you are no longer that lonely, depressed wife you used to be. Now, he is the one who is jealous over you because he thinks you are now seeing other men who are giving you what he has refused to give you “happiness”.
So, please do not take his offer. Let him divorce you which I believe he won’t even if he does, what do you have to loose than an unhappy marriage. The only acceptable ground for divorce in the Bible is adultery which is what your man is doing with remorse or shame and he is still the one threatening you with divorce. I mean what is your crime? Please let your no continue to be your no and refuse to be anything less than happy no matter his move. Worse senerio, fake the happiness. Let the coal of fire continue burning on his head.
As for the lecturer, keep him by the side. He is not the one sponsoring your education for now, continue to be friends with him. Don’t run to him immediately until you finish your education.
If your husband refuse to continue sponsoring your education, look for menial jobs like teaching or cleaning, something to do that will help you gather some money for your school. One day it will all be over but please don’t settle for less.
My answer to your question is simple and direct , go for the education.
But before then, talk to people that can influence him. Let him understand why you needed the education, tour pastors, his family members that you know he listens to and few friends .
But mind you, you have to secure your future .
All the best
The question is y is it when u decide to go back to school and everything appears to be happy for u that is when ur husband decide to start paying u a huge some of money monthly.This answer is simply that he is comfortable with ur FREEDOM ,HAPPINESS and INDEPENDENCE.pls go back to school and secure ur future
Pls I meant that your husband is NOT comfortable with ur happiness , freedom and independence
Education is very important.
Your husband is very selfish and self centered. Now that you are not worried about him concerning his cheating nature; now that you are happy and on your way to self independence; now that you are beginning to put your life together, it is now he is willing to give you 250k.
What does that tell you? He is scared of you being independent.
Use that to your advantage, play on his intelligence. Don’t quit school, collect his 250k and also find a way to continue your education.
If he says he discovers you are going to school and he insists on you dropping out. Then tell him you are out of the marriage and leave with your child.
I bet you, he will come and look for you because no woman can take his shit.
You can’t trust your husband or the lecturer. You have known your husband and the lecturer you haven’t.
Your husband is scared you might be seeing someone under this school of a thing but its embarrassing that he doesn’t love u enough to take care of u that there has to be a reason for him to see the need to start paying 20k per month to take care of u.
Its not wise to leave your husband neither is it wise to leave school. Don’t go for that lecturer guy and don’t stop schooling, i doubt your husband will divorce u if u don’t stop. He may change. Just pray about it.