HomeAdviceLock-down-My Husband & I Are Having Communication Problems- Pt 2

Lock-down-My Husband & I Are Having Communication Problems- Pt 2

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Note:
If you missed the first part of this story,click here.
Part 2.
So I should be in a house were I and my husband aren’t talking to each other for no reason at all? He just ignores me and goes out all the time. Is this what I get for marrying a worthless fellow as this? No prior argument, no quarrels he just started behaving strange and I’ve calmly tried my best in communicating with him but he’s still adamant, why?
This is no how we started or how we’ve been living. Is it possible for him to just change overnight and feel our marriage isn’t worth fighting for?I can’t understand this.
I’m trying my possible best not to make a decision when I’m angry…
He can’t say because of anointing oil which he refused to say who gave him or if it’s blessed that he now wants to break up his home but if that’s what he wants, let him be my guest. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
This is not the way my husband behaves, he tells me everything! So I’m wondering why he’s changed for the worse. Even if he feels depressed, I’m just saying, I don’t know if there’s anything he’s not telling me,no matter how bad it is, he knows he can count on me so I’m earnestly shocked at his behaviour.
We weren’t having issues before. I noticed that on Tuesday when I told him to accompany me to the market he refused saying that when I want him to do something for me he does it but when it’s his own I refuse. I didn’t argue with him because we were in public, I went alone. That night he came back late. The next morning he talked to me that he just received a call that he lost his grandfather. I consoled him, thereafter he went to have his bathe like he wanted to leave.
So  I asked him and he said he was going out, that was the day the lockdown , so I was shocked he was going out. I begged him to stay so that we prepare something to eat and he refused so I talked about yesterday’s issue and told him to always say if he has a grievance against me because that outburst the previous day was shocking. We’ve always talked about him having issues communicating, I don’t know why he will bottle up issues at times. Even if we have some disagreement and he asks me for the money I’m keeping for him I give him.
Even if he wants me to compulsorily use the anointing oil I calmly explained to him that this shouldn’t cause an issue because I wasn’t even rubbing body cream currently because the way the pregnancy made me feel. After explaining to him he walked out and has refused to talk to me till date instead he prefers to keep late nights. I didn’t bug him, I just kept to myself.
Thank God a friend came along the other day and helped me to cook and cheer me up. He came back, ate the food and went out again.The next day I went to work and refused to prepare anything for him, he was about reporting me to my friend as both of us were going to work together and I told him if he wanted to wash his dirty linen in public? And I left him.
Why the malice and silent treatment even after I had explained myself to him? I even said if there’s anything else he should tell me. I haven’t been quarreling with him on this his late nights and he knows we’ve talked about it several times on how he should limit the outings.
If something is bothering him I’ve told him to speak up but if he doesn’t want to and feels he will just be treating me this way I can’t take it.
Anonymous Lively Stones WhatsApp Member
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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Marriage is for grown ups, for matured minds as compared to children who always whine, cry, shout and throw tantrums. The ability to stay in a calm state even in the face of difficult situations, is a hallmark of maturity.
    You need to watch your tone while speaking to your husband, will If you speak with the tone of a dictator to get your spouse to do what you want because you are his wife and you are pregnant, then you are killing the warmth in your marriage. Once you lose the warmth it is difficult to get it back. If your tone at home is cold then your husband will not look forward to coming home to you.
    The more you become considerate of your partner’s feelings the more you will work on your tone delivery to communicate love to him.

  2. Hi dear,

    Something tells me this may be due to your sad loss last year. Loosing a pregnancy at such an advanced stage must have been devastating for you and him. Has he spoken a about how he felt? Has he properly grieved?

    I am hedging my bets but since you have been together for a while and this behaviour is not normal, he may be afraid and worried since you started showing.

    I would recommend you wait for a day of relative calm and very gently ask him directly if he is worried. The keeping late nights and other behaviour could be avoidance tactics. Although it’s painful since you are in a delicate condition, you may have to be the bigger person and be the strong one in order to save the marriage.

    Wishing you the very best.

    Mrs Sho

  3. Hello madam,

    I can feel your frustration and aggravation through your words. My prayer for you is that you need to see the need to CALM DOWN!

    All the things you are complaining about can be resolved but not by your the way you are reacting. I dare say,your reaction of anger and using hurtful words will only drive your husband further away.

    Change your strategy. Stop fighting him…stop confronting him…stop using hurtful words…stop getting worked up!

    Leave to keep going out…I know you want him with you during this time of your pregnancy and lock down…but you need to show him peace in the home.

    Sheath your sword….no more fighting….go on your needs and pray for yourself…ask God to help you deal with your anger and pressure. And also ask God to touch your husband’s heart and turn it towards you.

    Anytime your husband returns…do not pick up a fight with him…only ask him to join hands with you and pray. Beg him to hold hands with you…and when he does….pray only uplifting prayers…pray for God’s love,His peace and understanding in your home. Ask God to help you be a better wife and your husband to be a better husband.

    Let your home be peaceful enough for him to want to spend time at home.

    When he gives the silent treatment..let him be….its a mood swing…all you need do is pray to God to help him not dwell on the wrong things.

    My dear…this is a trying time for a pregnant woman. You need to know that sometimes,the enemy is unseen..your husband is NOT YOUR ENEMY!….stop fighting him. Pray for him and calm your heart.

    Look forward to having a happy birthday..stop focusing on the negatives. Lean on family support. Plan your future. Be patient and control your emotions from tempting outbursts.

    God bless you.

  4. Men do that sometimes… There is nothing you can do or say. He just need to sort things out by himself. Remain calm and be submissive as a wife while giving him his space

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