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Editor’s Note:
Like most people,having communication issues, someone can feel so frustrated at the situation.The story below is from a very worried woman. Whilst we are in counselling with her,please drop your advise for her as well in the comments section.
Jzhane.
Good Afternoon Ma.
I’m worried about my marriage hence my reaching out to you. I don’t understand my husband anymore. Please kindly counsel me and give me your advice.He has changed! Some days ago he brought anointing oil and said I should be using it. I asked questions about it like who blessed it and all he became angry.
The next thing he has started keeping late nights even in this lock-down period and keeping malice with me. I tried talking to him that I only asked to clarify myself on the oil besides with this early pregnancy of mine I’ve been finding it difficult to rub cream on my body, house chores I only manage when I’m strong and yet his behavior still persists. I’m just wondering what’s wrong.
I’ve told him if there’s any issue he should feel free to tell me, I’m imperfect but no! He has refused to change so I got angry and kept to myself too. Is this how our marriage is going to be? I’m tired of fighting for my marriage. I’m exhausted! I can’t take this silent treatment. I’m not an option to anyone neither did I beg him to marry me, I was always happily single. I don’t just know what to think or say.
I lost a pregnancy last year at 8 months, had high BP and was sick most of the time so I don’t know if he feels the anointing oil is for some diabolical means so that this pregnancy stays but I believe God that I will definitely carry my baby this year. I don’t entertain fear.
Why does he like this malice? It’s so so annoying!
So is this the end of my marriage? I try my possible best to be encouraging to my husband and this is how he pays me back? He doesn’t even want to fight for our relationship instead he’s more interested in staying out with ‘friends’?
My 6 year old marriage has suffered a lot but issues that have mostly arisen were misunderstandings and we’ve successfully handled them in the past that we can laugh over them now but this behaviour which I find strange in my husband I cannot explain.
If my marriage ever survives this I will put it in my heart forever and use it to taunt my husband till he dies. Even now considering my condition when I need him most he’s just behaving strange and doesn’t care.
I don’t think I can ever forgive or forget this act. It’s that hurtful.At least we should be growing more mature in our relationship and sorting out issues ourselves not running to a third party or giving the silent treatment, for what now? I don’t think I will ever get over this hurt.
….to be continued
Anonymous LivelyStones Whatsapp Member
Photo Credit:Freepik
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Asking for clarification on this issue is not a sin at all. But I think u need to be more patient and continue to observe ur man. He will come back to you. But pls just be patient with prayers for your husband.
Still exercise patience and give him more time, never conclude pls, or is he passing thru a though time, that makes everything to be boring to him? Remember you are heavy so take it easy on yourself pls
Thanks ma. PL I don’t understand your comment that you will never forget or forgive. Such language is not advisable in marriage you wish to build up. Marriage institution is a learning center and it is progressive. You move from one level to the other. Areas you did not. Do well, nature will roll it back for you to improve on. Your case is more of communication and emotional challenge. There seems to be gap. Tone down your aggressiveness and use wisdom to draw your husband home. The problem may not be the question but the manner of approach. The voice,facial and body language. During this lockdown, it may not be possible to keep your husband completely indoors. Engage him in a friendly discussion. Once you become friendly you will win your husband’s attention. PL ma unforgiveness and nagging will kill your marriage. Additionally most men are easily irritated with discomforting complaints associated with pregnancy. Their brain can’t easily process it. Be patient.it is well.
Hello Madam,
I am going to be very practical with you: it appears you are really worked up with the situation and for a pregnant woman, that is not a good sign.
First…You need to clam calm down. Yes,please clam down.
Being pregnant can mean your hormones are very active and you don’t need to over think things.
You already had one miscarriage .Do not overthink this matter
He gave you anointing oil…ehen…tell him thank you. Must you use the oil? Do not let something as small as anointing oil bring problem jhor.
If he ask you if you used it…say yes…just make sure you dont let him see you .Then use baby oil
As for his going out: Leave him o.Let him be going .Do not bother yourself.
There is something called self love practice self love .Think of yourself and your baby .
The issue you have with your husband…dont sweat it
After you have your baby.Then you can talk about it with him …if he doesn’t change…then plan your next move
But for now…since you are prone to high BP.Dont not let anything or anyone stress you
Some of the words you are using ,I see its out of frustration…you and your husband will be fine. But they are quite hash madam. Do not say you will never forgive him and things like that.
Most marriages have communication problems…and they eventually overcome it.
And some men have no idea how to take care of their pregnant wife. He is probably leaving the house to run away from your nagging while you feel he is just being unreasonable.
Calm down…change your approach…be more quiet and react less to his actions…you need to be patient and stop allowing the things he says or do get to you.
Just pray and leave the rest to God to help you address …ok?
Be patient….I know you need some emotional support right now…maybe you can lean on your mother or close female friend…or a prayer partner for now?
You will be alright…ok?
God bless you.
Just apologize to him if he’s angry with the question and let him know you appreciate his help. Drop the issue of the oil and it’s not a must that you use it. Build your marriage on trust and humility
Be patient nd be prayerful i knw my GOD wl see u thru.
You have to relax and forgive him first… Then you think of what to do. I would advise you be prayerful. Maybe it’s the child he wants that makes him act as such. You won’t blame him. Just be prayerful and try to communicate