Many Married Women Are Cheated On & Abandoned Like Me-Pls Advice
I need advice . Its a delicate matter. I read on your blog yesterday how many married women are s*x starved and I am one of them. My story may be a bit long but please have patience with me. I have been married for 11 years, although, I have known my husband for 17 years. I was there when my husband started with nothing, I supported him when he was hustling and when things began to work out, I was there.
We got married and I have 4 children by the grace of God. As my husband got bigger and richer, many women came after him. I did not like that he kept having affairs but people advised me to ignore him, that am the woman in the house…that its hard for successful men to stay with only one woman.
I tried to ignore but one affair I could not ignore: he was sleeping with his secretary and this woman was rubbing it in my face. If I call my husband, she will pick and say he is in meeting, that I cannot talk to him. Several times, she kept my husband from me and his family.
Yes, she is a younger woman and she even used to send him nu-d-es and all. This woman troubled me, I was afraid she would get pregnant for him. I confronted my husband to tell me if he was going to marry her cos I was not going to be insulted in my own marriage. My husband told me he was not going to marry her.
This woman even kept him away on our wedding anniversary. I cried and cried that day, my children comforted me and told me to forget about how their dad is treating me. From that day, I made up my mind to ignore my husband and his secretary, that no matter what they did, I will not let them control my happiness.
And so, we lived like this for almost six years. Last year, during the pandemic, I hardly saw my husband, he was spending most of the lockdown with her. For the past four years, my husband had not had s*x with me up to 10 times. After careful thought, I decided to be happy on my own too. I am still an attractive woman and I decided to find my own fun.
I joined a dating site and found someone who just wanted to have fun like me, no strings attached. We chatted a while and met up later. We had our fun and things changed for me. I felt alive. The feeling of being wanted…being considered s*xy and craved…I cannot explain it…only women who are s*x starved can relate. I did not plan for things to get serious with this guy but the more we saw each other, the more we wanted to be together.
The idea of divorce came to me after I spent my December vacation in Dubai with my man and children. My children love him and he takes great care of them. I called my husband after we returned and told him I wanted a divorce. He told me over his dead body. We had a major blow out. I told him he cannot hold me down when he has his own secretary.
In the heat of the argument, my husband pinned me down and made love to me. I thought I hated him but I did not…cos I realized that I missed him so much. We talked and talked after. He began to apologize for all he has done. When I told him I had a lover, his eyes were red and he started to cry. He blamed himself but said he never thought that I would leave him.
We agreed to work on our marriage and get rid of our lovers. That was January. My husband settled the secretary almost 50M before she agreed to break up cos she threatened to expose his secrets. I also broke up with my lover. We been trying to get work on our marriage but the fact remains, that since I tasted the love of another man, it seems my husband cannot satisfy me anymore.
The s*x is not as good as that with my lover. I know I should not be saying it as a married woman cos truthfully I love my husband and he is trying to work on our marriage …he has since changed but my body yearns for my lover every time. I think I now understand why men cheat…cos once you taste someone else from your spouse, your eyes will open to endless possibilities.
Married people…please do not cheat…do not give opportunity to always compare your spouse with your lover cos you will never be able to find fulfillment with your spouse again. I am not proud to say it but I have met with my lover secretly every month since June. I know its wrong…every time I finish with him, guilt fills me and I am mad at myself for doing it.
Now, my husband must not find out…I fear he might if I continue. I wonder if this is a sign that my marriage will never be the same again…maybe we should actually divorce cos I am just 39 years old…I do not want to keep having secret marital affairs for the rest of my life neither do I think I deserve not to enjoy intimacy as I want it.
I tried to talk to my husband about my desires for more s*x …but he does not seem to understand…he even said I should stop fantasying …that s*x that we see in movies or porn is not real. It may not be real but I have become addicted to porn and masturbation cos of how I feel. And every time I sneak to have s*x with my lover or watch porn and masturbate, I feel so dirty.
Why am I no longer satisfied with my husband? I am feeling so frustrated. Should I just divorce him cos am the one who is no longer faithful. I have prayed and asked God to help me but its not getting any better. I want to sneak out more and see my lover. Its dangerous but also exciting. Its just the guilt I feel after that is frustrating me.
For those who will come for me to tell me how what I am doing is wrong, please remember I was faithful all my 11 years of marriage even when my husband was cheating with hundreds of women. I was s*x starved for almost five years. I only strayed once and since then, going back to the way things were has seemed impossible.
The kind of affair I am having is not just s*x…its more of intimacy…we f*ck in different places, we explore different s*xual styles…we talk, me and my lover, we gist…he knows when am not happy…and we laugh at silly things and he makes me really happy…he is like my soul mate…
With my husband, its different…we talk but since we have lost so many years, we only talk about the children or business…he does not know how to be romantic or connect with me emotionally…he is always busy and in a hurry for business meetings…
I need help and advise from anyone who has been in my situation. Its true that many married women are in this same situation. Two of my friends and one of my cousin are in this boat. Some actually remain in the marriage, just enduring the suffering and neglect while some are also cheating like their husbands, while some decide to leave when they cannot cope.
I am not happy with the way things are. Especially because my husband has recognized his wrongs but is it too late? I am even suspecting my husband maybe secretly cheating , at least he fired the secretary but who can tell if they are still secretly meeting?…Can me and my husband truly work things out? Or is this actually a sign that its over?
Anonymous
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This story is so pathetic but you have to learn to love your husband, forgive him and also forgive yourself. Do this for the sake of your family, children and your future biko. There is nothing in this life,all is vanity. Please leave your lover,concentrate on how to make your marriage work,if your husband doesn’t know how to make you feel good on bed,atleast you have learnt somuch from your lover,why don’t you teach him na. Madam stop this before your husband finds out ,okay. It is well
The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life
This Akin of a human is extremely judgmental and self righteous. His comments will never help a depressed person but condemn a poster.
The admin should either call him or her to order or not post his comment.
Repeating someone’s post is extremely insulting.
Poster, for the sake of your children’s future, kindly quit the relationship coz they know you are cheating and would not want to bring their marital issues to you when they are of age. Trust me you will not appear to me a role model to them.
Also, know that your husband is not accountable for your actions, your decisions to remain in adultery lies solely on you.
It will be great if you can dust off S.e.x and intimacy from your head, and pray earnestly for a reconnection with your creator, and trust me, you will find peace outside S.e.x.
You did not state if you are working or running a business. I will suggest you get busy and as well take your kids out more often.
You don’t have to quit your marriage but fix it just the way your partner is willing to.
I definitely agree with you on everything, everything.
Thank you
Dear poster,
I understand u were S.e.x starved for a long time, everyone are responsible for their actions..I understand it will be hard leaving your lover, but with time you will get used to it, I advice you stop meeting secretly with your lover, block and delete him on all social media platforms….since you have learnt some good skills u can introduce them to your hubby along side with the help of dildos, but please try and be faithful, learn to always hangout with your hubby, sometimes u both can spend time alone in an hotel, explore each other’s body, think of new places u both can have S.e.x, rekindle the love u both felt when u guys were dating, just try and have fun with your hubby so u can forget your lover, with time everything will be fine….
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