Hello ma,
I need your counsel and that of the group. My life is messed up. I am someone that is very disciplined based on my upbringing. I am 30 years old and I have only been in 2 serious relationships until now. I really do not believe in dating if it will not lead to marriage.
So when Tobe (not real name) my colleague started approaching me last year,I was not interested. First,I do not date where I work and Tobe was engaged to someone for over 3 years. They were broken up but I was not sure if they were completely over each other.
Tobe’s girlfriend was well known in our company because she also used to work there until she moved to another company. She is a pretty girl and very easily likable. I never really talked to her but I used to see them together after work as she would come to pick up Tobe or Tobe would be taking her to work sometimes,so they were a known couple.
When they started having issues last year,they broke up and made up several times. They had a really toxic relationship if I must say. I think Tobe’s girlfriend let her beauty get to her head and she was accused of flirting with men. The last straw was that she was rumored to have slept with Tobe’s former boss who actually is her new boss.
You see,Tobe’s former boss got a job in a new company in the same industry and he took some of our staff with him including Tobe’s girlfriend. Of course the pay was better,so who would blame them. But that made things difficult for Tobe’s relationship.They were serious rumors of unfaithfulness from his girlfriend.
So they broke up and Tobe tried to move on. But I did not know that I was his rebound. He put himself into work to forget her and that made us closer because we saw much of each other and he kept really coming after me. Tobe is charming. I did not want to have feelings for him but he pushed hard and I eventually yielded.
I told him though that we cannot let our relationship be known. I do not want people to start talking about us like they used to talk about him and his ex. Truthfully,every girl in my company would be lucky to have Tobe,so for him to be coming for me,I felt kinda special. My only mistake was I never realized he was not over his ex.
Being with Tobe was my happiest in a long time. It was easy to fall in love with him. He seemed to be happy too. I thought he had moved on. He met my family and I met his. We spent everyday after work and weekend together. I was in love and I trusted him too.
Maybe I trusted too blindly but I never saw it coming: Tobe’s wedding card came to our office last year and my colleagues were distributing Asoebi. I was stunned. Tobe is getting married to his ex in August!…this must be a joke right? Because me and Tobe have been dating for the last 5 months. We spend each day together,how and when did he get back to his ex?
I was in shock …so much that I could not face Tobe. Tobe did not even come to me to explain anything. I closed early and went home.Tobe came later and I told myself,I would never speak to him but when he showed up at my doorstep,I opened for him,I wanted to hear his explanation.
And all he was was I am so sorry. I did not mean for all this to happen. That he is madly in love with me but he feels he does not deserve me. That I am to good for him. That his ex came back and they have been working on getting back together but he did not know how to break up with me because he was afraid of loosing me.
Now,can anyone believe the crap coming out of Tobe’s mouth? You love me,yet you are marrying your ex next month?!!! All of these makes no sense. I told him to get out and never speak to me again.I have been crying my eyes out since. Wondering where i went wrong in this relationship?
How did I become a rebound? How do I stop loving this man even after he betrayed me? Working in the same company with him as being difficult. I dread seeing him and I have bee avoiding him but its so hard. He sends me messages everyday,saying I am his everlasting love but someone else will love me better because he is not the one for me.
Tobe told my friend that he knows he goofed but that he is being honest. That he loves me and his ex. But he loves me much more than his ex. But he choose her because he feels he is not good enough for me. That I deserve someone who will love me totally and not be in love with someone else at the same time.
Ma,this makes no sense. Tobe should choose me if he loves me. Why would he not choose me? I believe he is insincere…the fact he keeps saying he loves me is driving me crazy and I cannot focus on my job much. I need your counsel. What do I do?
Part of me feels like letting Tobe’s ex know that Tobe is in love with me to. Maybe,if she saw his text messages to me,she would dump him and then we can be together? I have never fought for a man to love me before. Like I said,its not my upbringing. But this is too hard for me. I am a mess and my heart is completely broken.
I watch and see how everyone is talking about Tobe’s upcoming wedding and I feel like bursting inside. How could he treat me like this? Why should I allow him marry someone else when he has declared his undying love for me? How on earth will Tobe think I am too good for him?
I am finding it hard to move on…do I fight for my relationship? This is BS. I think maybe he is not in his right mind. This cannot be happening…
Please advise me…I am loosing my mind…
Anonymous Lively Stones Whatsapp member
Photo Credit:Huffpost
This is indeed a serious issue. To me I think you should inform the girl friend so she would know the type of man she wants to marry .
Nd you think telling is girlfriend will make him run back to you my sister if you do that, you have just lose him for ever he will never be yours so let him go. If you do that love you guys share will be hatred so be wise
So sorry my dear. I have been exactly where you are before so I really know how that shoe hurts.
Nevertheless, I will tell you to just lick your wounds and move on if you can. Telling the girlfriend won’t be anything good, it will just worsen your case (I have been there before), after all, how affair with you was after thier break up and she loves him too and will not let him go. You will only end up hurting more and losing your mind.
Please move on if you can.
You better move on and forget about him,he never loved you and you cannot expect him to leave his girlfriend of 3years and then be with you ,you are just 5months old with him.Tobe is not sincere and sorry you fell into this trap. He is already getting married next month ,you cannot stop them because all wedding plans have been made. My sister erase,forget about Tobe, focus and concentrate on building yourself for someone better, a person that will not take you for granted.
Move on.The days ahead are beautiful. You were just his stop gap. The love story he is now telling you is afterthought. It is a cheap consolation. Stay strong, you man will find you soon.
The truth of the matter is you were just an Option..forget all those talk about him been too good for you..pls gather yourself n move on..there’s no point telling the fiancee, of what good will that do??
Hello lady,
This is a “Turning Point Life Experience” for you.
Hold your heart and get healed quickly from the broken-heartednes. Avoid him totally. He’s No good!
Move on with your life ! Don’t be distracted by him anymore. Seems hard to do?
Look, Tobe is a gameplayer and he doesn’t in anyway fit-in to your life.
A good man deserving and worthy of you will come your way very soon. Make sure you don’t settle for just any man…the right man who will love, care and respect you and even adore you is the Will of God for you…nothing less. Trust me!
Cheers !
This sound strange o!
Don’t even dear interfere in their relationship n wedding plan ! You chose to keep your relationship secret leave it dead! It’s gone ! Next time when dating someone be open n well defined cos u never can tell who would give you heads up or blow the whistle on him !
Move on dear ! Thank God the truth came out early!
There is nothing to fight o!
Their matter don reach marriage urs was just a fling.
Don’t listen to what he is professing fake love!
Action speak louder than voice
I will advice you talk to the girlfriend about it.. think she should know about everything and please stay away from Tobe that guy is fake and toxic.he came because he still want to have you by the side..I wish you best of luck.
Please move on ma’am and forget that guy a more better and deserving guy will come soonest. Be safe Las Las you go dey ok.
I will advice you to move on with your life…Telling the girlfriend won’t bring him back to you…like he said ‘he doesn’t deserve you’ and that’s not a lie,he truly doesn’t deserve you…Pick the remaining pieces of your heart and carry on… i know there’s someone out there that’s made and mould to pamper you till the end of the world…
Always have it at the back of your mind that he’s a cheat…If you tell his girlfriend and there’s a breakup between them,your guilty conscience won’t let you rest… And if you guys start going out after the breakup,he would shred your heart into pieces… Be wise darling..
My dear, he is just using your head. Get a grip on yourself, get over him and move on.
Achana nae
Hello madam,
Get yourself together. He does not love you. If he does,he will choose you.
Erase every memory of him as well. Avoid him and delete all your conversations with him.
No need to resign now…just start looking for another before you do.
I know you are hurt but tell yourself this: are you not better off not marrying someone who probably has feelings for someone else? What if you married him and he went back cheating with her?
I would say you dodged a bullet…forget his sorry ass.
There are more deserving men out there…cry if you must…then dust yourself and start afresh…free minded and let God’s spirit give you the courage every day.
You will be fine…he is not your last bus stop…he is just a jerk.
God bless you
[…] thing she said was that her last relationship really broke her heart,so she is finding it hard to trust a man again. I assured her countless times of my love and […]
He used you bcos he knows that ur reasoning is very poor.
The guy never ever love you but rather he used you for S.e.xual gratification in the absence of his true love.
If you don’t have sence now you will still be use by another again.
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