I remember that it was soon as we turned 25 that things took a turn for a difference. My parents started it and then,well, my twin sister kinda of also started it too…and a few years later,the entire world got involved in my life.
I am a twin,my sister and I are not identical in looks and even character even though we are twins. Growing up as a twin is fun most times except for the constant comparing of one twin to another. My twin was the more likable. More calm and easily most peoples’ favorite.
However the main issue was after we both graduated at age 24 and Taiwo got engaged her high school boyfriend. Everyone was ecstatic for her. And they kept asking me,when will I be getting engaged. To be honest,I didn’t even have a boyfriend. Not in the last 4 years at least.
They got married at 25. Everyone started praying for me to find my own. They also started to hook me up with potential husbands. They meant well but you see the problem is that..I really have not done well in the area of relationship. I have only had one serious boyfriend in my adult life. The others didn’t make it past one month.
Everyone said something is wrong with me. I am now 36 years old,I have a good job and everything but no husband…no boyfriend sef. They said I was too high class…too choosy. What they mean is: I should stop looking for a guy that would treat me right and just focus on becoming a married woman.
My mother has been praying and fasting for me because she got married at age 21. Now,I am almost twice the age she got married,yet no husband in sight. So,I have often asked myself,why have I not found someone I like enough to marry?
Well, unfortunately,I can only attribute this ‘predicament’ to one thing:I have simply refused to settle!,…no,not settle down for marriage like that o. I mean,I have refused to marry any tom,dick or harry. I want someone who I like,someone who will complete me,someone who is compatible,someone with a high sense of humor and intelligence.
I just feel marriage is a big deal and I do not want to just move in with someone I do not feel 100% is the one for me…now,I have been told by so many including my mum that my expectations are too high. That I will never find the person that will fit all that I want,that I should take what I have been getting and make the best of it.
Now,let me be totally honest with you…being single at 36 can be lonely especially when am trying to avoid my very judgmental family. So,I often feel the pressure to just settle and the way things are going,I am feeling the urge to actually stop wishing to find a man of my dreams and just settle..
My question is: is settling such a bad thing? With the way I feel about so many things I may not like in a guy,how do I make a successful marriage if I have to go into the marriage knowing that there are things about the relationship that I do not like but I just have to settle?
I need your advise ma. I really want to be married before the end of this year. What is wrong with me? My grand ma says I am Ogbanje (spirit child). My mother thinks I am a lesbian. I do not blame them…I am feeling so tired of everything…what should I do? Stop fussing or just marry the next man that comes abi?
I know there are many single ladies like me out there…what should one do in this case? Note,I have been told to be more likable too so I changed my entire wardrobe and looks but there is always thing that one or two things that spoils any relationship I find myself in.
I pride myself as attractive,intelligent,hardworking,God fearing and very focused lady. Why can’t I find a man with the same qualities that I seek? What am I getting so wrong?
Please advise me.
Anonymous Lively Stones Telegram Fan
Photo Credit:Mika
Sis, you will get married to the man God has ordained for you. I believe, there is a man for every woman.
Don’t rush things. Take your time while choosing. Marriage isn’t what one jumps into. God forbid if anything happens, the same people pushing in won’t be able to do anything for you.
You are not an ogbanje.
You are just unique and will find someone who will love you because of your uniqueness.
All the best.
Nothing is wrong with you. Just go to God who knows all beings and ask Him sincerely for the man ordained for you. Don’t give God any conditions, make it a serious business with God and I assure you, your man will locate you soon.
Cheers
There’s nothing wrong with you. You are just being careful not to marry the wrong person there is a lot of drama in marriage this day that one would have even think they should remain unmarried. Meanwhile I also have a brother who is a graduate hardworking but single with no baggages.
@Mide….are you shooting a shot for your brother?
Things happen. Only God knows why commented. I have never in my life do this on social media.
Their is nothing wrong with you dear…am almost in the same shoe wit you..just continue been urself,pray and work hard…the right man will.locate u when u least expected.
Sharp Shooter
Sis…..please check inwards, what’s happening might be from you but it’s well.
Hello lady,
I am totally in agreement with your decision to be patient, to seek very well with your eyes wide open.
You are not Ogbanje or anything people might call you !
You are just taken your time. It’s okay !
Now, if you are a true believer of God, go to God and table this case before Him in prayer….I mean serious prayers telling Him exactly what you want in marriage for your life. Trust God, He will grant you exactly what you desire.
There’s “Time Zone” for Everyone. Your time is just around the corner.
Do not compromise your vision and heart desire, please!
That man whose bone and flesh you were, will come to locate you sooner.
Be prayerful, patient, watching and waiting !
God bless.
Dear, nothing is wrong with you, it’s just the kind of society we find ourselves in. I believe you will settle down once you see ‘the one’ your heart accept.
But, one thing I will still say is that, no one is 100% perfect, including you. And bearing this in mind will help you seek for those important qualities you know you can’t deal with if lacking in a man, then the others can be adjusted to.
I wish you luck
Hello Sister. You are on point in all that you said. However, kindly note these :
No perfect human being. As long as he fears God and sincere with u. Give such a chance
I guess you are too busy with work to socialise.. Loose yourself and socialise.
Don’t rate yourself too highly. You are not perfect too
Be active in church if you are a Christian. Join groups and be active.
Pray, pray, pray.
God bless u.
I think you should just have an open mind towards people and not put your standards forth. Just be friendly and approachable.
You can’t be someone else because you want to get married, it doesn’t work in marriage, it only builds resentment.
Don’t pressure yourself, don’t settle for less. You are not your sister, you are wired differently. Some people easily move in and out of relationships while others take their time. Either ways it works depending on the category your fall into.
Be happy, glow, enjoy, travel, do the cool and fun things you might not be able to do if you were married. Go out on dates if someone ask you out (go out not because you want to marry that person, but because you just want to enjoy being cared for and appreciated).
Pray concerning your future, and the kind of man you want. Declare that your paths are meeting and you will be certain when you meet.
All the best!
There’s nothing wrong with you. Its just that you are smart and responsible and you know what you want. Don’t settle for less. The right guy who knows your worth will come. Those that left did so because they knew they had nothing to offer you, its better late than sorry.
I don’t advice you to please your family and displease yourself
Hello,
Your story is what I call slippery slope. Much as I like the fact that you seem like someone who knows what she wants,I just worry that you maybe so set in your own expectations that you may not see someone who may not be 100% but could have prospects that you can work with.
Please by all means,do not marry someone who cannot meet at least 70% of your expectations.
Some things are too important to overlook. But if he can tick the following boxes…then there is potential:
1. What is his vision for life?how can you fit in that vision?
2. Does he have the same spiritual/religious beliefs as you?
3. What does he think about your own goals? will he support them?
4. What is his views about money and S.e.x in marriage? Do you both agree/align on same perspective?
5. Children and extended family values? Do you agree on both?
6. Communication and conflicts. How will you both handle this when the challenges arise?
Sometimes people are not perfect. But if you find someone who can be a huge source of support to your dreams and you can see yourself growing old with them,then you can give it a shot.
That does not mean you are reducing your standard. It means that you recognize that we are all work in progress in God’s hand.
Sincerity,kindness,faith,handwork and love is what is needed to complete the circle.
I wish you the best in your life journey. I know it could be hard with getting old but please make the right choices.
Do not let your family or anyone pressure you. Just be fair to yourself and others. Your man will come,just be realistic and not over expect because even you are not perfect.
And note,marriage is not for everyone. If its not for you,God will give you the courage to be successful in other areas of life . But if its your destiny,relax,it will happen in God’s perfect time.
God bless you
They say that Gods time is the best…..Be patient.
The teacher is always quiet during an examination room
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