My Husband Is Begging Me To Cover His Shame After Accusing Me Of Infertility For 11 Years
I have been married for almost 11 years. Its been the most trying time of my life because of child issue. I was working in the bank when I met my husband. He chased me for like a year before I agreed to marry him. He said he wanted to get married and have all his kids before he is 40 years old. He was 36 at the time.
So, me at 28 years old at the time was very worried after one year of marriage and I was not yet pregnant. It became an issue…he said it was my job stress that was preventing me from getting pregnant…Everyday was argument and I got tired of being blamed so I quit my job in the 3rd year of our marriage.
Still I failed to get pregnant. Our marriage became strained…he became less and less caring. He only made love to me during my ovulation period. I was really unhappy more so as he refused to come with me for fertility treatments. It took fasting and prayers in our fifth year of marriage for him to agree to start fertility treatments.
We did the treatments and IVF which made me start to gain weight. He complained of my weight and started calling me unattractive. He got really temperamental with me when I ask him if I am God that gives children….at least marriage is more than children…what of love and companionship…he said that he settled down in marriage cos he was ready to start a family …that he had alot of finer girls to choose from but I seemed like a decent girl.
His words cut me all the time. We stopped sleeping together. His family stopped talking to me… they started pressuring him to get a side chick or marry another wife to give him children. I heard he has a side chick whom he rented an apartment for in V.I…he started spending more time outside our home…most likely with the other woman.
My family and friends were the only ones encouraging me to stay in the marriage…praying that God will one day answer our prayers but how will God answer our prayers when we don’t sleep together. During my ovulation, I will beg and cry to him to come and make love to me…sometimes he will …sometimes he will not.
I eventually gave up a year ago. During the pandemic lockdown…I never saw my husband…ovulation period or not…he stayed permanently with the other woman. I called him and asked him if we could try IVF or adopt a child…he said he is not interested anymore…that I can do whatever I like.
Sometimes, I felt like suicide. But God led me to register at our estate gym…I decided to keep myself busy by working on my body and getting out of the house to get some fresh air and avoid depression. Working out really helped my mental state…and that was where I met George. (Not real name). George is a handsome guy…ladies in the gym seemed to be friendly with him.
George noticed me and got friendly with me…he asked what motivated me to start working out…I told him my marriage was in shambles and my husband was no longer interested in me…plus he has a side chick. George lived in Europe a log time and he thinks like a foreigner. He encouraged me to stop being depressed and live my life even if my husband does not care about me.
George invited me to go out with a few of the gym members for Movies in his place. George’s wife and family is in Europe…he lives alone with his Driver and house keeper…he is an MD of his own Internet services firm …At George’s place, we all had a great time gisting, watching movies and I felt happy again in a long time. Being friends with the George and the gym community gave me new purpose. We became a tight friendship network. We were each other’s support system.
On my birthday, they threw me a surprise at the gym. And later that evening, George sent me a text…asked me a question that threw off balance: he asked when was the last time I had s*x. I couldn’t believe he sent me that…in less than 2 mins…he sent another text and said he was coming over to my place….I was shocked…but I did not say no or yes.
When he rang my doorbell…I opened the door and like two starved animals…we both went at each other and made love in my living room. Both of us talked after…that it was a mistake but we were both away from our spouses and the temptation was beyond us. I was the one now going over to his place when I did not hear from him after two days. I missed him and needed him.
Our affair continued until I got pregnant in May last year. Yes…you heard me right…I got pregnant…after 11 years of marriage…to someone not my husband…I could not believe it…George said he was not going to force me to remove it but his wife cannot know cos he does not want a divorce. We both agreed to keep it a secret but I had to divorce my husband formally.
My husband got the divorce notice and came home to shout at me …he rained insults at me and told me to go to hell cos no one will marry a barren woman. I told him I was pregnant and that is the reason for the divorce…he stopped dead in his tracks and said what? How…I told him about my affair and he kept quiet. He then asked me not to divorce him…
He then said…in their culture…any child born inside a marriage belongs to the man whether he fathered the child or not…I have never heard about that culture before o but he is saying that the child I am carrying will be his. He begged me to cover his shame of not being able to father by allowing him father the child and any other child that I bear with George. I was like…wow…this man really has no shame.
Now, that is my worry. George cannot marry me cos he does not want to cause a scandal and have issues with his wife. But he and I like each other alot…I even love him but no marriage for us…so I am tempted to remain married so at least no one will know I got pregnant outside of marriage but its my husband’s attitude and ungratefulness that is my issue.
George is cool with the arrangement…he does not want a scandal like I said but only God knows if he will change his mind in future….and yet I still cannot forgive him for all the years of abuse and abandonment. Its clear, he is the one with fertility issues yet he made my life a living hell…why should I give him the satisfaction of being the father of my children when he does not deserve it?
Yes…if I divorce him…I will be single with a child…being a single mother or a side chick…my family will be strongly against it. My dad is a knight in the catholic church and that would really piss him off that his daughter has a child outside wedlock and is divorced.
You see,…I am in-between the devil and the deep blue sea. Should I remain married and raise my children with another man in a marriage instead of outside marriage? Please advise me…I am due to give birth. this month. Everyone in our family is so happy that God finally did it for us and we are having a baby…
My husband came back home and started being nice and looking forward to this baby coming but everyday…I remember what he put me through…I really hate him and wish I could do things differently…for me…its not too late…this child I am about to have will one day know who his real dad is…why should I continue to live with a man who is not worthy of being my husband or a father to my child?
Please someone tell me this is a bad idea but then…being a single mother or divorcee…will that not be worse? People will be mean to me, my family will be thrown apart with disgrace and call my child a bastard…help me decide what to choose please…
Anonymous
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I think you should divorce him and live a life for you. Do not live your life for anyone else much less him.
You need a new beginning
Things have already gotten really mixed up…..so I’ll say if you choose to stay you have to deal with the possibility of continuous Heartbreaks,its clear he doesn’t love you enough to leave you because you couldn’t bear him a child…..and now it turns out his the one who might be impotent…his back and accept all that you did…..you can choose to stay or move on to become a single mother,there are many single moms out there sound and strong who have realized their mistakes and are living their lives in peace …..
Oga ooo Eleyi gi gan. Madam I have to think this through long and hard before making a permanent decision. Wish you all the best
Well, I for one wouldn’t want to be a loveless marriage all for the sake of not being called a single mother or a divorcee.
Some women who are doing better being a single mother who left an abusive partner. It’s just a matter of time you will move on from that eyes cast on you as being a single mum.
You have gone through hell from that man and does not deserve to be the father of that child. He is selfish, he knows he can not father a child but still made you go through such pain.
Don’t go in again to face something big at the end, where he is going to constantly remind you of you having an affair when he is the oga Pata Pata of cheating.
In simple terms, pls let your family know, and then move out.
Chose your PEACE…
I will tell you the truth your husband is a wicked greedy and covetous man, but you too is the same as your husband, you think adultery is cool right. What has come upon us these days, adultery here and there, All those telling you to continue wont be there when GOD judges you, STOP THE ADULTERY and block that idiot you call George, thats how many of these men behave, when they see a woman that is vulnerable that will take advantage of her, but sadly these women too love to be deceived and lied too. Stop the ADULTERY, I love you. GOD bless you.
Kindly divorce him and move on with your life. After the child birth he will definitely go back to he’s abusive ways
My dear,
If I most counsel you, first where did you do your marriage? Was it at the Catholic Church or where? If it was at the Catholic Church, that marriage can be voided my the church, this is not a devorce issue.
The marriage foundation was faulty, (false intention) he knew he was not fertile and can not father a child, but he did not tell you.
Go to the parish where the marriage was contracted and ask the church to void it and the church will void it and you can be free to live with George or marry any other man that can truly love and care for you.
You can contact me more on this, if you wish for my contact I can also send it to you.