My Husband Is In Love With Another Woman-Please Advise Me
Hello,
I need advise. I think my husband is in love with another woman and I don’t know what to do about it. We have been married for six years, we have 2 children. My husband’s elder brother passed on a year ago from kidney complications and since then, my husband has been responsible for his family.
His wife has two sons for the late elder brother. My husband took up their schooling, feeding, accommodation, etc. To be honest, initially, I even encouraged my husband to be there for his late brother’s family because things were difficult for them. They had spent all they had trying to treat the kidney condition before the man died.
So apart from sending them money, my husband made it a point of duty to check on the children and the widow. Sometimes, he would tell me he is stopping by their house before coming home from work. And when he does, he will eat there and come home refusing to eat my food cos he has already eaten at his late brother’s wife’s house.
Then, he would be chatting with her many times at home. I began to find it strange but I was afraid to say anything because, what if he is just being nice to her and I was reading unnecessary meanings into an innocent situation? So, I kept my cool until last Easter my husband told me that the woman wanted to travel to Dubai for holiday, at least to rest and get away from all that has happened.
My husband said he was going to sponsor their Dubai trip. I told him that was not necessary cos it was excessive considering that she is living off him. My husband went ahead and gave her 2.5M for she and her children to travel to Dubai. Then, my husband now said he would be joining them towards the end of their stay in Dubai, that he wants his late brothers’ children not to feel the loss of their father.
I found that excuse very foolish and I told him he will not join them. My husband said me and the children can join in the trip, so we can all at least enjoy together. After much persuasion I agreed. To my dismay, hubby allowed this woman book our accommodation in the same hotel as theirs. I would have preferred a different place but she already booked our rooms in the same hotel.
For me, the trip was not fun cos everything we did, we had to do with the woman and her children tagging along. It felt like my husband had two wives. I had to tell my husband that he needs to respect me and put boundaries between us and the woman. He replied that I should stop insinuating rubbish that she is now family.
That made me upset cos it was clear, my husband was not listening to me and calling me jealous for no reason. The next morning, my husband woke up very early and said he was going for jogging at the beach. I didn’t care. He started to do that for the next 2 days. The third day he did go out, I followed him. And my husband did not step out of the hotel building. He took the elevator and went to the floor below our floor and he was looking back all these time to check if anyone was tailing him.
My husband used a key card and went into a room. Minutes later, his brother in-law’s wife came and knocked on the door of the room my husband entered and he opened for her. I did not need anyone to tell me what I had just seen. I went to the door and knocked and knocked. They did not open for me. I started to shout and call my husband’s name, telling him I will not leave until he opens.
About 5 minutes later, the hotel security had to ask me to leave. I told them I was not going to leave until my husband opened the door. My husband finally opened the door and he dragged me by my hand to our room. It was the most embarrassing day of my life. He was enraged and started to say that I was the cause of what is going on. That he was just being responsible for his brother’s wife and that their culture allows him to care for his brother’s wife when he passes on.
I was shocked at what I was hearing cos I realized he was justifying the fact that he was cheating on me with his brother’s widow. I told him over my dead body will I allow this woman take my husband. I broke down because it hit me that not only did I catch my husband cheating, he may actually be in love with this woman, otherwise, I don’t know why he will be defending his actions.
I cried every day of the remaining days of the vacation. My husband just ignored me. We returned home four days later and since then, my husband and I have not spoken. I reported him to his family and mine. The whole family is thrown into disarray cos they are against what my husband did. I am wondering whether there is any need for me to remain in this marriage.
Later on, due to family pressure, my husband called me and told me that he still wants our marriage and he was sorry for sleeping with his brother’s wife. That he got carried away because she was lonely and very attractive but that he will not do that anymore . He however said that I should not be poking my nose and demanding to know why he is caring for them cos he will continue to care for them as his brother’s family. He said he promised his brother that his family will never suffer.
When I asked him how do I know that he will not still sleep with her cos she is indeed attractive, he said I should trust him, give him the benefit of doubt. I love my husband and truly I want to our marriage to work but with his promise to take care of this woman and her children, what can guarantee that this woman will not steal my husband? The way my husband cares for her , I think he might even be in love with her.
I am truly worried. I have forgiven my husband. He does not go to her place everyday like before but what if they are meeting when he says he is at work? This woman is just the devil. She never even apologized to me. She does not greet me or call me. I still think she and my husband are secretly meeting.
I am truly worried…will my marriage work out or have I lost my husband to this woman already? I try to not ask too many questions when he does things for her, like ask him how much he sent to her but I feel so uncomfortable. Please what should I do? Please advise me.
Anonymous
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When I hear stories like this, my heart breaks, some men are really wicked. That woman like you said is the devil..true she is the devil herself. Sister, let me tell you this, your happiness is in your hands not another person’s hands, if you were told your husband will cheat in you in marriage, you will say, he can’t do it cos you trust him, trusting people doesn’t mean they won’t cheat on you, it only means they will be smart enough to hide their cheating from you. The truth is your husband won’t stop sleeping with her, he only apologized to you telling you he won’t visit her often just to deceive you, sorry to say this, but your husband is a foolish man.. spending 2.5m, allowing her to book your room without telling you, he even justified it saying she is lonelu5sbd attractive, he even said you should not put your nose in something that does not concern you, so that tells you anyone will cheat cos they want to, who knows she might have charmed him, trust me she might have done so. Don’t trust anyone sister, it helps you to handle disappointment from people better, your husband just proved to you that anyone can cheat on their spouses cos they want to cheat, don’t ever allow him to blame you for his cheating, he is 100% responsible for it not you. Choose to be happy sister, you have the power to do so. I love you. GOD bless you.
Dear poster when you have infidelity or any other issues in life go to God it’s not all problems that can be humanly solved i am testimony of that so please don’t think n worry ur self to illness the Bible says seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things shall be added onto you meditate on this and see how you can apply it .i pray you make the best decision for this situation there is nothing that exist that God can not do
I am really pained and angry and I don’t know what to say. It appears your husband doesn’t respect or regard you at all. Do you have any meaningful source of income? The affair will continue and he expects you to mind your business. Can you cope? What if she gets pregnant and births a child for him, how will you feel? What will be the relationship between your kids and hers like? Madam, your husband is bossy and egoistic. I won’t advice you to stay or leave except you can close your eyes and endure. Think of the future and make a decision.
Please confront the woman asap,what rubbish? She doesn’t have shame at all,tell her to leave your precious husband alone or else you will tell the whole world what she has been doing. As for that your husband, he needs to be flogged for doing nonsense and still justifying the rubbish. This thing called marriage sef,nawaoo. Where some people conscience dey self?Note that as long as that woman is still in the picture, as long as he still goes to see her,your marriage will never remain the same,he can be going there once in two months and for your information if you are not doing anything for a living it is time to tell him you want to start up a business, make him wire you money asap,e get why my sister. It is well with you jare
I marvel at some comment here. How does calling her husband foolish translate to advice? Your husband had apologize try to forgive him and focus more on building yourself up. I know is painful but try to forgive him. If you don’t business try and ask him for money to enable you start a business but approach him with love and kindness. Is well with you.
My sister you already have a co wife. This woman saw an opportunity she didn’t have in her late husband by all the things your husband was doing for her and her children. She just took advantage of your husbands generosity and seduced him. That woman is shameless and desperate and she can go any length to get your husband, even get pregnant for him. Please be steadfast in prayers for yourself and your family.
Also make sure you get all benefits from your husband, start a business, buy a car, travel, make sure he spends on you and your kids more than before( since he has too much money to spend on others), open accounts for your children and stash up money there.
Don’t fight or argue with your husband, don’t even confront him about that woman (play the fool) but make sure all that you need is provided for. Make yourself happy, go out with your children, let him see that what he has in his family is the best.
Please go to God sincerely only Him can actually change your husband and remove that strange woman from your family. Try to look good and attractive for yourself first, then your husband. He may seem uninterested initially but may payoff later. Keep praying that the Holy spirit helps you be joyful n give you peace of mind always cos thinking about what he’s doing will weigh you down. Don’t be mean to the woman cos it may cause issues in your home, but in your closet pray against the relationship she has with your husband and pray her out of your lives. It’s well with you. You will need patience and a lot of help from the Holy spirit but at the end your home will be preserved.
Dear poster
This situation is really tricky and requires a lot of wisdom and patience. I’m glad you’ve been able to forgive him and want to give your marriage a second chance. My advice to you is that prayerfully inform your husband that to avoid further temptation, you should be in charge of any help you want to render to the woman and her family and if need be for him to visit them, you both should go together, no private visitation. Secondly, you have to be financially stable now if you are not. Save as much money as you can now while keeping hope alive that he won’t cheat on you again so you at least have something to fall back on. Lastly, commit both of their hearts to God, protect yourself against STD, give yourself peace of mind and take good care of your children. No marriage or man is worth your life. God bless you.
Better take it to God in prayer. Let God scatter their ungodly alliance. He is your only help.
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