My Marriage Is On The Verge Of Breaking Up Because Of Pressure From My In-laws-Pls Advise
Good day ma,
I need your help. I have been married to the love of my life for four years and I can’t imagine that her family is about to break up our marriage with their attitude and unnecessary pressure. I met my wife when she was in her final year of university. It was love at first sight , I proposed and we go married while she was still in school.
My wife told me she wanted to finish school before having babies and so I agreed with her wish. Since we got married, she was on contraceptives to prevent babies. She was quite young too at the time, she was 25 years old. After school, we started trying for a baby but maybe because she was posted to Ebonyi state while I was in Lagos, I felt the distance was preventing regular copulation between us.
Well, after she finished NYSC, we started trying actively. It began like that…before I knew it, all my wife became obsessed is with having s8x just for baby. If she is not ovulating, she will not want s8x…once shes ovulating, I must do marathon. I became worried that she was becoming too worried about the matter.
As a good husband, I always tried to talk to her that she needs not to worry about babies that God will give us a baby. My wife will always cry once she sees her period every month. It was now getting to me. So, we went to see specialists. They said nothing is wrong with both of us. My wife insisted they put both of us on fertility drugs. I hated the idea but I did it to please my wife.
I was no longer enjoying my marriage. Its all baby talk or sadness around us. I thought my wife needed a job to take her mind off the depression that was clearly starting to eat her up. I got her a job in a friend’s company. But she went to tell her mother who told her not to take the job …that she needs to rest to be able to conceive. Again, I did not argue cos all I want is for my wife to be happy.
All my wife does at home is read about how to make babies all day. Or she is joining one group or the other for prayers for fruit of the womb. Attending all kinds of vigil for prayers. At her young age…see how worried she is? My family is not even disturbing us o. Her worry is that I have a child from a past relationship.
That child, I did not even claim cos me and the mother had issues and the mother refused to let me see my child. The mother, my ex and I were not in love…it was a casual dating…and she thought she could hook me up to marry her with pregnancy. I told her I would take responsibility to make sure the baby is taken care of…but I will not marry her…so she said I will never see my child if I don’t marry her.
I know the child will come and look for my when he comes of age …I just did not want any trouble. But now, my wife is worried. That that boy will one day come and claim everything if she does not give birth. First…she does not know the boy…me too…I have never seen the boy. I told her to relax her mind but I realized her mother is the one putting ideas into her head.
The next thing, the mother claims she has gone to a powerful prayer house and they saw a vision that my ex…my baby mama placed a curse on me. That if I don’t marry her…that I will never have a child of my own. I laughed cos I did not believe that prophesy. The prophesy is asking me to go and look for my son’s mother and beg her otherwise me and my wife will not have a child.
This is making me so angry cos I know I did no wrong to my baby mama. I never told her I will marry her. She blackmailed me with a baby. And I certainly will rather be childless than go and beg her for something I did not do. Now, my wife is calling me wicked. That I don’t want her to have her children. Its just only four years. Why cant my wife wait a little?
Even if its a spiritual curse from my ex…cant we believe in the power of God to break that curse? I am beginning to get tired of my wife and her family all saying its my fault my wife has not put to bed. My home is no longer happy. Even my wife does not want to try to conceive during her ovulation because she said its of no use since I don’t want to go and beg my baby mama.
I feel under so much pressure. I did nothing to warrant this pressure. And I rather be childless than be forced to apologize to someone who in fact was the one who did me wrong. She tricked me to get pregnant and also deprived me of seeing my child. The pressure was soo much that I called my ex to apologize.
When I called my ex, she was like, she has nothing against me. That she is married and happy but I should not bother about our son, that her husband has adopted him as his own cos she does not want the boy to think he is from a broken home. Well, I told her that she cannot do that but again, I don’t want any issues, so I told her to do whatever she likes but she must tell the boy the truth one day cos I don’t want the boy to find out and think I never wanted to take care of him.
Now, after I apologized to my ex…my wife came back and started trying again to have a baby. I thought all was well but the same prophet who told them that I had to apologize now came and said that my ex curse on me is still working against us. That I have to care for the boy otherwise I wont have a child.
At this rate, this is some spiritual blackmail. My ex does not want me near that child. She has blocked me from being able to reach her. She said she is not the cause of our issues. That she never laid any curse and that she wants no part of my drama.
How do I explain to my wife to relax and wait for God’s time. Its now eating us up. Our marriage is gradually breaking up. Its hurts my heart so much but I think there is nothing more I can do. I love my wife but it seems having a child is what she loves more than me. I have left her and her mother to God.
They now say I am not interested in the marriage and that they will take their daughter if I don’t want to solve the problem by going after my ex’s son. I have asked my wife why she is allowing her family to interfere in our marriage. It appears she is willing to leave our marriage too if we don’t have a baby soon.
I don’t know what else to do. We have done 2 IVF that failed. I have told her that we can adopt but she says no…that she is too young to adopt…ehen…isn’t she too young to be bothered about babies too? She is just about to be 30 years old…what kind of pressure is this. I am tired. I am emotionally drained and my wife is not happy. What else should I do? Maybe I should release her …so she can leave as her parents want…I am tired. I do not know what else to do. Please advise me.
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