Once I Lied To Save My Unhappy Marriage But Is This Lie Enough To Save Me?

Once I Lied To Save My Unhappy Marriage But Is This Lie Enough To Save Me?

Hi,

I want to remain anonymous. I have been unhappy in my marriage for years. This is because my husband maltreats me. Right from time, maybe because I did not go to school. I married him after my secondary school  at age 17. My parents are not together and my mother cannot take care of six of us financially. I managed to finish secondary school and married my husband when he came to village to marry a wife.

When he met me, he said he wanted to marry a virgin but I was afraid to tell him I was not a virgin. It would have been a disgrace to my family and I really needed to marry cos there was no hope of anything. I truly wanted to further,so he promised my mother that he will sponsor my education if I marry him.

My husband discovered I was not a virgin after marriage and he was furious. But I begged him and lied to him that I was raped. I begged him not to disgrace our family cos no one will marry me if he sends me away. So he did not send me away but he never loved me from then on.

He would treat me like trash, insult me and only when he has the urge will he have s*x with me. Well, since I was not a virgin, he refused to send me to school. I started business of buying and selling okrika clothes from house keeping money. From there, I was saving, and promised myself, one day, I must go back to school.

My husband’s junior brother who is doing HND is living with us in boys quarter and he helps around with chores at home sometimes. When he saw how his brother was treating me, he took pity on me . The days his brother will insult me and call me names, ashawo, slut, useless woman, etc, his brother will be comforting me and telling me not to worry. I used to cry alot cos I was really unhappy with the inhuman treatment from my husband.

My husband used to travel for weeks and leave me and my three children. Even though he used to drop money for food, he made sure not to give me anything for myself. So, I had to work hard in my thrift business. I would not have made it without my husband’s junior brother. He really became a back bone for me. Helping me take care of the children and encouraging me emotionally.

But one day, two years ago, my brother in-law came back from school and he told me that it looks like he will not graduate because he is having issues in school. The carry over was oo much and he may not graduate. That made him very sad and depressed. Throughout the holiday, he was sad and I hated seeing him like tha cos he was the only friend I had.

One day, he refused to come ou of his room. He refused to eat all day. I had to take his food to his room. He was really down. He told me he felt like committing suicide. I was really worried and so I started to comfort him, telling him all will be well. He was very emotional, so I held him and he was shaking in my arms. Before I knew it, we were kissing and that is how we started having s*x for the next two years.

It was not just about s*x. It was about both of us being there for each other during challenges. He was the only soul I could depend on or trust with my life. We both knew it was wrong but we had become bound and connected on a deep spiritual level. And then, we got carried away and stopped being discreet. We would even have s*x in my room or sitting room when hubby travelled.

And that is how one day, my husband caught us red handed. I felt my life flash through my eyes. I knew it was over. My husband was going to throw me out,so I had to lie against his brother. I told him that I did it because his brother threatened to lie against me if I did not agree to his advances and that I was afraid of my husband not believing me and choosing his brother over me.

I swore on my life that his brother was the one chasing me and my husband believed me and sent his brother packing. His brother did not say anything cos he knew I did that to save my head. He quietly left our house but since then, things are very difficult for him. He could not graduate because of school issues and my husband stopped sponsoring him.

Every day, I feel so terrible. I pray God to forgive me cos I lied against this young man. Last week, I received a chat from the brother, he said he is missing me and wants us to continue our affair now that my husband has thrown him out of the house, he will not suspect. Well, I told him no ,that I will not do it again.

This boy is madly in love with me and has said that I owe him for life for keeping quiet when I lied. That if I dont continue, he will tell his brother the truth cos he has nothing to loose since he already dropped out of school and he has been thrown out of the house. He is staying with friends and opened a barbing shop. He lives in Egbeda and no one can really find him.

I am torn. He is warning me to come and see him or he will expose me. I was so afraid that I went to see him. I ended up having s*x with him. I cannot lie, I love him more than my husband, I cannot resist him. But I am afraid my husband will find out one day and I will be thrown away with no where to go. But also, if I don’t continue, his brother will expose me cos the boy says he cannot love any woman except me.

I see that he is truly in love with me, remember, we are like soul mates but I am so scared. I want to stop. I feel trapped. I can’t stop thinking of the brother. What do I do? Please dont curse me or blame me, if only you are in my shoes. I am not married to a man that loves me. He constantly curses me and treats me bad. I cannot leave the marriage cos this is my only hope.My mother will die of heart attack if I divorce and I have nothing to lean on if I divorce.

My brother in-law that used to be my comfort now is threatening my marriage. Maybe I should just keep seeing him for now because I need to keep him happy in order not to expose me. How else do I manage the situation? I am just 24 years old.Please advise me.

Anonymous

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