Should I Break Up With My Childhood Best Friend To Save His Marriage?
Mark (not real name) and I grew up in the same church. From kids choir to adult choir and then to the same private university owned by our church. We have been best friends ever since. His parents are friends,very close friends of mine. We practically grew up almost like brother and sister.
When we dated,we were each other’s confidant and all. When boys were trying to deceive me,Mark was my protector. He made me feel very comfortable around him. I was an only child after my sister died of sickle cell when she was 10. Mark was like the brother I never had.
Mark loved and protected me and our families appreciated that. In our 200 level in school, Mark and I were dating other people but one day,I spent the night in his room,which I do sometimes,he has a room mate so…we all sleep on the matterass on the floor if I come around and its too late to go back. Mark would never see me as nothing but his sister.
However this night, Mark’s room mate went to class to study. Mark and I were studying,burning the mid night candle. We became sleepy and Mark suggested we watched have our bath …some cold water to drive away the sleep.
I had never had my bath in his place before. So,I told him to go out,so I can change and quickly shower. Like a gentle man he is,he went out. I had a quick shower. I came out and allowed him to do the same in private.
And the cold bath worked. We were able to study alot more hours that night. We fell asleep around 4am. I woke up like 30mins later and felt a very hard thing beside me. Mark had sleepily rolled over to my side and had an erection in his sleep and he was sound asleep snoring without knowing.
That was the first time I felt awkward around him. I had never seen him have an erection. And that for some reason,had an unusual effect on me. I later realized that was me getting turned on. I could barely sleep till 6am when I got up and quickly left his room.
For the next couple of days,I avoided Mark. I felt somehow that I had begun to develop feelings for him. He saw me in school and was like whats happening and I told him nothing. Mark knew me like the back of his hand. He came to my room that evening and demanded to know why I was avoiding him after studying in his place two weeks ago.
I had to tell him what I saw. He immediately became sorry and apologized,saying he didn’t know he had an erection. I told him not to worry but that I have to stop coming to his place cos I may be having feelings for him. When I said that,he looked at me and my feet disgraced me. I was weak. I realized both of us had feelings for each other.
Without saying a word, Mark kissed me and I didn’t even try to stop him. Mark right there in my room,made love to me and disvirgined me. I was completely helpless. Both of us were. We knew we were in love but we were supposed to be brother and sister.At least to everyone else.
That was how how relationship started. We hid it from everyone but once alone,our hands couldn’t stay away. This continued for almost 4 months until I got pregnant. We were so scared our parents would kill us so we had to get an abortion. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for the abortion,I was trembling but Mark held my hand all through.
We broke up after the abortion scare. Our relationship changed. We were never alone until we graduated. We still loved each other but it seemed like forbidden love to us. Mark is still very protective to me but we never try to get close anymore.
After school, Mark got married. His wife knew me as his bestie and I was like family to them too. They have a daughter. I was not that lucky in love until like 5years after Mark got married. I met someone and we going to get married. Mark was happy for me.
However, thing took a different turn after my wedding introduction. Mark filed for a divorce from his wife. She came crying to me. Saying she does not know what happened. That Mark said he was sorry but he cannot be in a marriage where he was not happy. I rushed and spoke to Mark.
Mark was like:why do you think I am doing this. That he has told his parents that he loves me and that we had an abortion in school and he has had a deep reflection. That its only me that he wants to be with. His parents were initially against it but they finally gave their blessings.
Mark’s mother even confessed that she saw a vision when we both younger that we were supposed to get married but that she brushed it aside because she took me as her daughter and could not imagine how Mark would marry his own sister. Now,she wants God’s will to be done.
I was shocked and I felt happy but sad. I had become close to Mark’s wife.She is a woman like me and I could not see myself being the cause of her divorce. So I told Mark I could not break up with my fiance and that he should work things out with his wife. Mark said he made up his mind and that whether I agree or not,his mind was made up.
My parents asked me if I loved Mark,I told them yes but it felt wrong cos of Mark’s wife and his daughter whom I am a god mother to. My parents back whatever decision I take but as my wedding draws close,I find myself fighting these emotions. I feel like I am making the biggest mistake of my life.
I feel like I would regret marrying someone else apart from Mark and be requesting for a divorce after marriage like he did. My only confusion is: his wife(soon to be ex wife) and his daughter? Will they ever forgive me? Will they ever understand this was something beyond us?
As long as Mark is single …I would always think of him…maybe if I got married and relocated..maybe Mark would forget me right? And make his marriage work? Please advise me…What is the best way forward. I cannot seem to think objectively because,not only has our parents given their blessings…Mark is bent on being with me.
So maybe we should tell my fiance and Mark’s soon to be ex wife the truth? How can we hurt these people…its not their fault…I feel so torn…but my life will never be the same without Mark. Please tell me what to do.
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I think you should open up to both Mark’s wife and your fiancé. And let them understand the current and past situation between Mark and You.
If you truly love Mark, I think you should marry him. Will Mark’s wife be hurt, Yes but that is what it is.
Its not going to be easy but everyone will be fine. Its going to be a very emotional journey but in the long run it will be the best for everyone.
Don’t go ahead with that marriage, you may be making a mistake too. Decide and stand by your decision but don’t be sentimental about it.
Simply put, this is the reason God hates divorce. A man sample A, B, C, & D and then concludes its B he want to be with, then after a 6months realises B is not good enough, he says he thinks D is sweeter and so on and on…..till he would have broken the hearts of so many naive…. My question: Where were you sir when you got married to this innocent lady and produce a child? Your love for your childhood friend/sister was still sleeping abi?
My dear sister, if you venture into it, the pain his innocent wife and daughter goes through as a result of the divorce will hunt your marraige with him forever.Even nature itself will trouble you. I wont say much
all the best in your decision
This is tough,okay for me, is better you marry Mark since you both love each other.Tell your fiance and also talk to Mark’s wife I believe she will understand. Such is life,it is not really easy to break people’s heart like this,especially love ones.
I strongly believe that Mark’s overprotectiveness means that he doesn’t want you to have someone else. Why is he filing for divorce only when you want to get married and not in the first year of marriage. He stayed for 5 years. Is it just now that he realised that he is unhappy? He is selfish. He just doesn’t want you to move on. He was comfortable you being around him in his marriage and now he realises that you won’t be around anymore. Be careful with your choice since it might not just be love.
U have spoken well Dolly.
My own worry here is why Mark stayed for complete 5 years when you were still single and never filed for divorce. He was happy in his marriage and never complained. Now,he saw you are getting married and he decided to file a divorce to marry you. My dear,look before you leap. Mark has a child and a wife and you have been like a family n even d god mother of d innocent child. Pls go ahead and marry your fiance so that you will have peace in ur life because u can’t break d heart of ur fiance who never offended u likewise Mark’s wife n his daughter n except to have peace in ur own marriage.Dont forget,what goes around comes around. If Mark truly loves u,he would filed for divorce since n not enjoying his wife for 5 years n now claiming he loves u n want to file for divorce. pls use ur conscience. I wish you God’s wisdom to make the right choice. Good luck.
Hmmm, I strongly believe that mark dose not know what he want for himself, his just jealous and selfish looking for a life to destroy, nneji I pray she will take ur advice.
Hello dear,
You and Mark had your chance but that is in the past..history…forget it…block it…now its time to not look back to what could have been but what is.
Be a better friend to Mark by staying away from him and encourage him to work out his marriage.
Do not hurt his wife and child They trusted you as their friend and ally…do not break their hearts.
Deliberately forget about Mark and forge on with a new man that you can give all the love your big heart has.
That is the right thing to do.
[…] had to tell her that maybe we should break up because I cannot marry a woman that is not going to respect me or try to control my life. I am from […]
Please leave that man alone, he is not yours. If not, why would he marry someone else? You guys were never related by blood, what kind of brother and sister is that? He may have loved you but he chose to marry someone else. Let him go!!!
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