I am an IT professional who works in an Oil Servicing Company in Ph where I earn roughly 400k a month.
However, i have been in a relationship with this Nigerian American lady who’s a nurse abroad and she’s been asking me to come over to Yankee so we could get married.
I told her I love the job i do in Nigeria and am comfortable staying back here.
How To Make Her Stay In The Relationship
Meanwhile i had always wanted to marry an raise my kids abroad. Moreso, i told her that we could actually get married and she stay abroad while i stay in Nigeria, perhaps visit them from time to time. She told me she wouldn’t want to stay away from her husband and that she’s been alone for long and would want to marry and come back home to her husband every day.
I asked if it will be possible she relocated back to Nigeria and stay with me, she said no, that it’s better i come to the US where she stays and gets another job. I am at dilemma cos i sincerely love the lady and i think she does love me back.
My fear is going there to start all over again, being at the mercy of a woman especially in a land where my parents ain’t around, and perhaps not getting a good enough job to start up with.
What do you think guys?
Should i quit my job or the marriage idea?
- Anonymous
I won’t advice you to quit your good paying job here and go to the US to start all over there…Sometimes, love isn’t enough to run a marriage,you need wisdom and understanding too…But if you think you can let go of your job here to start all over there without any regret then go ahead…I want you to give it a thorough thinking before making a decision…
I concur with @Boluwatife advice.
Hi,
It can work but it depends on the kind of lady she is and how much of an adjustment you are willing to make.
Aside love, do you have similar beliefs you can fall back on when the ‘sparks’ fail? Does she have a Shephard she is accountable to, perhaps one you should connect to to keep you both accountable?
Have you travelled out there before? Do you understand the rights women have and difference in culture? Are you both willing to make adjustments especially you as you’ll be in ‘unfamiliar’ territory.
I’ll suggest taking eg. an unpaid holiday to travel there, and see each other a bit more ( not cohabitating) but courting properly so your relationship is not based on fantasies.
Marriage requires work, whenever things don’t go the way you want (it will sometimes), how would you both react? Throw a party out, call the police? Go out and drink , regret relocating ? Can you discuss these now?
How does she react when she pays the bill? Humble? Grumpy, Rude? Nice to discuss as you will need some time settle in.
Will you be expected to baby sit while she works when the kids start coming in the event you both don’t have help out there? How does that sit with you?
What plans do you have after marriage – IT professional courses, immediate work, getting your driving licence, getting your citizenship.
As an IT person, you will be able to settle in more easily than a lot of people and earn more than you do currently, except that the bills may take most of it in comparison with PH depending on their taxes etc.
If you are both willing to make it work, it can work.
Living in two different countries as couples should be avoided.
Above all, pray and let God guide you on if this is the path to take, pray for guidance, do you have peace in your heart? , ‘Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take’. Pro 3:6
All the best
That’s a very fantastic advice. You’ve said it all.
I want to commend your fears here…. it’s Real ! Fear of the unknown !
You both love each other. That’s very ok. Love is Not enough in any marriage, though it is the Genesis and maintenance of any good relationship.
But Wisdom and meticulous planning towards any marriage makes it work and lasting.
I think you should go over the counsel @Uche carefully and pray more for God’s guidance and direction. God wants Your Peace and Joy, believe me !
Bless You !
Please don’t quit ur job here ,becos like u righty mentioned, starting all over again in a no mans Land is one big issue i tell u,let me tell you that love is not enough to run a successful marriage oo,be wise while making ur decisions . Good luck
Sincerely go through @uche advice thoroughly and wisely all over again. Some men over there wish they can raise their kids here at home because of the difference in value and discipline while you are wishing you raise yours abroad. Look past the feelings and love you have for this lady and carefully think about real life experience in the course of the marriage and be sure you’re willing to quit your job and make such huge sacrifice.
Do not quit your job,thanks.
Pls do not quit your job
My dear brother ,thank you for opening up to us. Looking at the trend of things happening abroad ,where the lady want to control the hubby and sometimes might go the extent of applying for divorce. Going over to America did not a guarantee that you will get a job immediately. So brother ,stay with your Job
Please do not quit your job for anything. Love is not enough to run a home. Please consider @Uche advice very very carefully and thoroughly.