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The Man I Love Is Afraid Of Wasting My Time – What Does That Mean?


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The Man I Love Is Afraid Of Wasting My Time – What Does That Mean?

Good Morning ma,

I recently came across your blog and I feel you are God sent to me. My name is Nnenna (not real name). I graduated from school last year and God helped me, I got a job in one of the five star hotels here in Lagos. I am a customer service officer.

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My job allows me to meet dignitaries from all works of life. That was how I met Sonny (not real name). Sonny is a billionaire. We spoke briefly about 8 months ago. He was impressed by me and asked for my number. We began friends and he asked me to date him.

Now, Sonny is a widower with a 6 year old daughter. His wife died of cancer, a year after she have birth to their daughter. Even though a rich man, he is quiet and very homely person.  I like him alot but he him being so rich can be very intimidating.

We dated for a while and that meant I was exposed to his lifestyle of money money everywhere. He was good to me. But we broke up because I met Stan. Stan is a very attractive gym manager that we hired in my hotel 4 months ago. We got talking normally but the chemistry between us is something I didnt expect.

I never planned to break up with Sonny but he noticed I was talking about this new employee of ours too much and became jealous. He asked me to quit my job and that was when I lost it. I would not be with any man …no matter how rich you are…telling me that I should quit my job.

We argued and eventually broke up. A month later, I started dating Stan. Stan is fun and exciting and treats me really well to be honest. He like me is young and ambitious. Marriage is not in his radar for the next couple of years. He said that to me. That he does not want to waste my time. That marriage for him is a 4 to 5 year plan.

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Stan is 27. I am 26. By 4 years…I will be 30 or 31. I want to get married in one or two years. This is the only issue I have with Stan but I love him. He makes me really happy. Recently, Sonny came back to beg me and ask me to keep my job and do whatever I like . That he has not been himself since we broke up.

He has been very nice to me, calling and checking up on me. Stan knows about this and says I should make up my mind if I want to be with Sonny or him. That he will not hold that against me.

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And that attitude is my problem. Is Stan trying to wave me off…by encouraging me to choose between him and Sonny? A normal guy should be angry that another man is competing with him over his woman but Stan is seemingly unbothered.

Ma, is that a cue that Stan is not as committed as I am to our relationship? Stan is on a salary. Barely more than mine but I love him for his person. He is sweet and makes me laugh all the time. But waiting for 4 or 5 years…that is something I barely manage to accept.

The problem I have now is: why will he say things like: I don’t want to waste your time or I should choose between him and Sonny.? Is this normal? Being with Stan…will it be worth it? Will I be wasting my time really? Or maybe this is God’s way of giving me a second chance with Sonny?…

If you were in my shoes, what will you do?




Photo Credit: heatworld

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Please do break up with the gym quy cos he will waste ur time n go back to ur old relationship n it will be one of the best decision in ur life.in two yrs the gym quy will see someone sexy n younger than you and it will be over for you

  2. Yep, the gym guy is not committed to marrying you, you should let him go but if you choose to hang in there the probability of him getting some else later is quite high.

    As a lady looking to marry, go where you are really wanted not ‘tolerated’. The man needs to really want the relationship and define where it is headed.
    Remember it is a man that marries you not you marrying him …. hanging in there waiting endlessly for him to ask.

    Your gym guy is enjoying the moment with no strings attached from his comments and reaction.

  3. I like the gym guy because of his honesty. Not every guy will tell you the truth. At the initial stage, he told you what he wanted, it’s up to you to decide on what you want for yourself. If marriage within the space of 2-3years is truly what you desire, then the gym guy is not for you, unless you want to waste your time by yourself.
    Learn to identify what you truly want from a relationship before you get carried away with emotions

  4. Please don’t wait for the gym guy,he is not ready and sure of marriage for now. It is not a crime to marry a billionaire, just pray about it and be sure this billionaire will not always intimidate you with his fame,money and social life. Can you deal with it?Are you ready to have a step daughter? What is the source of his wealth?Have you made personal findings about him?Are you sure his wife died of that sickness?Nne biko look before you leap ooooo,eku si gom. Udo

  5. These are two different guys with from different class and upbringing. The rich man is a business man. His focused and knows what he wants. He man not be as available and entertaining as the gym guy but from your story he sounds like a family man and someone that will take care of you. Money is not a problem yo him and he may something be controlling and domineering but with love and patience you can always have your way with him. Since he has lost his wife, he needs someone that will be committed to helping him build his family life.

    The gym guy is young, vibrant and in his prime. His goal will be usually to have a certain level of comfort before building a family. The magnitude of comfort he wants will determine when he will settle down. Marriage is not in view for him now. All he wants is a girlfriend and he is not willing to compromise that.

    Now to you: what do you want? Do you want a responsible ready man or do you want a charming fun guy that is not into marriage ( you may end up being a baby mama)?

    Marriage is not all about fun, beauty, money etc. It is a commitment of a life time. A choice to stay true that your partner even if a billion finer, more charming, richer guys pass by you.

    So if you decide to follow this rich guy will you be able to cut all ties with this gym guy? Will you be willing to probably work else where to prove your commitment to your partner. .

    You need to decide all of these. Also consider that the rich man is a divorcee and has a daughter. Can you be the perfect mother to nurture that child? If you are not going to be committed to that rich guy, please let him go. Don’t play with his emotions. Stay true to your choice. Let God guide you.

  6. Hello,

    Mr Gym guy does not love you…he is just passing time with you…

    Mr. Widower wants you…but might be a little controlling because of the age difference and his status…

    But maybe if you can both talk about it ..maybe with time, if you are able to develop mutual friendship and respect…he can learn to allow you be yourself and support your dreams

    You also have some maturing up to do….stop chasing shadows and romantic fantasies….you are not too young or too old…just set your priorities right…

    Give it time…friendship…observe…pray….and work on better communication with widower…

    It may just work out…if not…move on.

    All the best.

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