When it comes to between-the-sheets action, the cowgirl position is a real crowd splitter. Some women love the power and control associated with being on top, while others tend to feel slightly intimidated (or even exhausted) by the mere thought of it.
We asked Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for sexual wellness brand Love honey, and Eleanor McKenzie, editor and sex expert at adult romance website, app, and magazine LVH, to talk us through the cowgirl sex position and share tips on how to get creative:
Your step-by-step guide
The cowgirl position is an easy-to-perform, woman-on-top position, says McKenzie. While this article refers to sex between a woman or a person with a vagina, and a man or a person with a penis.
Here, McKenzie explains how to assume the position:
- With the penetrating partner lying on their back, straddle their hips and position yourself over their penis or strap-on.
- Hold their penis or strap-on in one hand and slide down onto it. Smearing it with some lube beforehand will add to your pleasure.
- The key element of this position is not to sit upright on top of them, but to lean forward over them, which means you can use your hands to support yourself, either placing them on their hips, or either side of him.
- When you’re in the position, you can swivel your hips like a dancer, bounce or grind on them and control the depth and rhythm of your thrusts.
What are the benefits of the cowgirl position?
In cowgirl position, the woman has complete control and can dictate the rhythm, pace and depth of penetration. ‘You can go slow or fast – whatever rocks your boat,’ says Knight.
Women are also more likely to achieve an orgasm in this position, says McKenzie. ‘It’s a far better position than missionary for stimulating the clit, both with the penis and with the hands,’ she says. ‘On top of that, there is always eye contact, so you could say it’s a position that strengthens a sense of intimacy, as well as being very erotic.’
What if penetration feels too deep?
There are ways to vary the cowgirl sex position to make it more comfortable. Remember, you’re in control.
‘The key for a comfortable cowgirl is getting the angle right,’ says Knight. ‘Don’t sit straight up at a 90-degree angle – instead, lean forward slightly for a 45-degree angle. This will give you the easiest and most comfortable penetration. It is vertical penetration that is often the most painful.’
Don’t go easy on the lube, either. ‘A good water-based lubricant can be bought for as little as £5 a bottle, and is a vital aid to all sex positions, whatever your age,’ says Knight. ‘The wetter you are, the better sex feels for both of you. Using lube enhances sex and is no reflection on your natural lubrication.’
And what if it isn’t deep enough?
The easiest way to find the depth you want is by adjusting the angle of your hips. ‘When you want some really deep penetration, move into a more upright position,’ says McKenzie. You could also try spreading your knees further apart.
Additionally, have your partner put their hands on your hips for extra leverage and to maximise the impact of the grind, suggests Knight. ‘Switch up the speed and the depth of the penetration so that there is no discernible pattern,’ she says. ‘Try gyrating back and forth, or in circles, rather than just up and down.’
7 cowgirl position sex tips
Whether you’re in need of some extra support or looking for a little extra stimulation, these expert-approved sex tips have you covered.
1. Take a break
If the position is taking a toll on your thigh muscles, take a break. ‘When your muscles feel tired, break for a moment and lean back, placing your arms behind you, perhaps on your partner’s knees, and take a few deep breaths before getting back into the action,’ says McKenzie.
2. Have them sit upright
Alternatively, you could have your partner move into a seated position. ‘There is no rule that says the penetrating partner, has to lie on their back the whole time,’ says Knight. ‘They can sit up so that you meet face-to-face and hold on to your back to provide further support.’
3. Tuck your legs
For additional comfort and support, adjust the position of your legs. ‘Tucking your legs under your partner’s can also offer some extra support,’ adds McKenzie.
4. Switch up the rhythm
Varying the speed and depth of penetration is one way to add more stimulation, says McKenzie.
5. Introduce a sex toy
Cowgirl position is the perfect position to incorporate a sex toy, says Knight. ‘Provide added clitoral stimulation with a simple toy such as a bullet vibrator,’ she suggests. ‘Remember: two-thirds of women struggle to climax through intercourse alone, so this extra stimulation is vital if the receiver is going to orgasm.
6….Or some gentle restraints
Try taking control away from your partner by holding his hands above his head, or restraining him with cuffs or a tie, and telling him not to move, suggests McKenzie.
‘Adding a blindfold is fun as well,’ she says.
7. Invert the move
‘Alternatively, go for a ‘reverse’ cowgirl, where you assume the position but face their feet instead,’ says McKenzie.
Please note that the messages contained in this article were not originally compiled by this author but were edited where necessary.