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True Life Story: After Several Months Of Marriage We Are Still Not Compatible


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True Life Story: After Several Months Of Marriage We Are Still Not Compatible

Good Evening Lively Stones,

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Please hide my identity.  I need your advice on what to do with my marriage of less than one year. I got married last year to my husband. We  both were celibate until we got married. I am on the fatty side, my husband is a lanky guy. We have been having a problem since we got married. The problem is s3x.

Since our wedding last year October, we have been finding it difficult to enjoy s3x. If you see how slim my husband is, you will never believe how huge is manhood is. He has the biggest penis I have ever seen both in real life or in movies. It was shocking for me the day I saw it. I was scared but he laughed and said I should not worry cos I am fat, that I should be able to contain it.

Unfortunately, my vagina is quite small. I have never been able to enjoy s3x with my husband. In short, its very painful. My husband has been trying to penetrate and each time he does, I end up bleeding very badly. I have read alot of books, used alot of lubricant but nothing has worked. Yes, I married as a 36 year old virgin but I never for one thought that could prevent me from enjoying s3x.

It was a horrible first month of marriage, second and third month too. I was always in pain and taking alot of painkillers. My husband was surprised that I had a small vagina despite my big body. For a couple of months now, I detest having s3x. I only manage anytime I am ovulating because we are also trying to have a baby. My husband has asked me to go to the hospital for the doctor to check me.

In March, I went to the hospital and the doctor examined me and said I need corrective surgery. Yes, I have a small vagina opening. I never really knew about this nor heard about this. I got very scared of the surgery and I told the doctor I will think about it. When I told my husband about the surgery, he said I should go and do it but when I told him that the doctor also said he too needs to come to the hospital, he refused to go, so me too, I refused to go for the surgery.

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Later on, I started noticing that my husband attitude is changing towards me. Even when its my ovulation, he refuse to have s3x with me cos he said he cannot be trying to force his way in, that its like he is raping me, that every time I am crying like a baby during s3x. To make matters worse, I started noticing his closeness to a female colleague of his. The colleague is a widow of like 45 years. I did not like the sudden closeness.

So I asked my husband whats going on with him and the coworker. He ignored me but one day, I got so upset and told him to tell me if hes cheating with her. He too got angry and said yes. That the woman can handle his manhood very well, what do I expect him to do when he cannot have s3x with his wife only once a month and I will be crying.

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My husband said so many things that day. That many woman are looking for men with big manhood but here I am crying like a baby cos I do not know how to be a woman. That I should go and learn from my fellow woman or do surgery to widen my vagina otherwise, the marriage is over. That I am just fat for nothing, that my fat has covered my vagina, that maybe if I loose weight, my vagina will open. I never felt so abused in my life.

This same husband who toasted me because he said he loves women who are curvy…not has said fat has covered my vagina and I look so ugly. He said any woman who cannot please her husband s3xually is either a lesbian or a wicked woman. I then realized that the widow woman was feeding him bad words, that I do not love him enough that is why I am content with no s3x in the marriage all in the name of I have a problem with my vagina.

True Life Story: After Several Months Of Marriage We Are Still Not Compatible

I cried so much that day, I called the doctor that I wanted to do the surgery that week. The doctor said ok …that I should come. The next day, still crying I went to see the doctor. I could not even stop crying. The doctor was very empathetic. He waited for me to stop crying but I could not. So, he came and sat next to me. He was comforting me not to cry cos my husband is cheating with another woman.

This doctor told me that cheating is normal for men. That even if I had a perfect vagina, any man who wanted to cheat will still cheat. I asked him if he cheats, he smiled and said, he is not a saint but he cannot say he does not enjoy the pleasure of other women apart from his wife. Then he said my husband is not handling the issue well because its not about small vagina but also how to handle small vagina.

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That statement confused me. He now said, he too has a big manhood and the women never complains because he knows how to handle them. I asked him how. He started explaining how to massage the vagina to make it wet, he started talking about the different areas of a woman’s vagina and the ones sensitive to touch. As he was talking, he said he was getting an erection explaining to me.

I looked and saw he was really having an erection. It was awkward when he asked if he could demonstrate what he was explaining about how to handle a small vagina. I said but that would mean he would penetrate me, he said he would not, but he would just show me. I agreed. From there, he took off his pants and true, his manhood is as big as my husband’s own.

The he locked the door and asked me to lie down…first, he got a lubricant….he began to massage and oil me…he began to do some cray things with his fingers and tongue…he began to insert himself into me and was explaining. He kept explaining and I thought he was explaining but I was also experiencing something I never experienced before, I was moaning and maybe he thought I encouraged him because he went further and before I knew it, he was in. I was shocked and said no…he looked at me and said, do you want me to stop…I wanted to say yes but I said no.

Oh God….I allowed him to f*ck me. It felt too good to stop and I wanted more and more. I cannot continue to explain the whole process but I was in another planet throughout. At the end of it all, I had my first real s3x without any pain. I did it with another man who is not my husband. I felt shame yet I felt relieved. That made me realize, I do not need that surgery. I just need a man that knows how to handle my small vagina.

After that day, I could not stop thinking of the doctor and that experience. Getting back home, I tried to talk to my husband to see if he would do the same thing the doctor did…I told him I watched a video on how to manage a small vagina with a big manhood. After explaining to him , my husband said he does not have time for all that long process just to make love to his wife. That I better do the needful or we will soon be done with this marriage.

Since then, I do not know if I should quit this marriage. I keep having lustful thoughts about the doctor and my husband is not interested in me anymore. The widow has completely taken over him. Last month, I opened up to my elder brother and his wife because they are like my parents in the city. My parents are very old in the village. I told them that me and my husband are not sexually compatible, that I am considering divorce.

My brother’s wife asked me what exactly was the issue and I told her. I even told her how I ended up having s3x with the doctor …my sister in-law advised me not to leave the marriage but to continue with the doctor, because constant s3x is the only thing that will help open my V. That my small V condition  coupled with the fact that I got married as a virgin at 36 is the reason s3x is painful for me. But that with constant s3x, it will get better and I should carry on with the doctor if he is willing…after all, my husband is getting on with his own coworker.

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My sister inlaw…told me never to quit on marriage because of challenges. That no woman leaves her home because she is not getting sexually satisfied or her husband is cheating. That women now find pleasure using toys or having other men do the work their husband cannot do and same for men, that I should go back and continue with the doctor regularly.

That advise from my sister in-law has me really conflicted. I know I grew up in the village with my parents, that is why I was a virgin till old age but this type of thing, I do not know what to do. I have been struggling with following my sister in-laws advice …I summoned courage and called the doctor .We saw each other in a hotel and it was great, in-fact greater than before cos the first time was in his office but thus time, I was in a comfortable hotel bed. I was screaming in pleasure.

After everything…..I still felt somehow… I cannot continue like this…s3x is very sweet and now I know why once you taste it…you cannot stop but  I feel its wrong to cheat even if your husband is cheating. I kept myself throughout my single years…how did I end up becoming a slut after marriage? Why not find me a man that can handle my small hole and be happy with me?

Is it not better to divorce and be single and find a man that can handle me instead of hiding around to f*ck another man? If you were in my shoes, what would you do? After all, its no one’s fault…me and my husband are not sexually compactible. Is it fair to remain married when we do not pleasure each other? My sister in-law says its foolish to divorce just because of this but I feel its also terrible to be sleeping with someone when you are married to another.

So, which is better….divorce and find someone else who is more compatible (I am sure my husband will not mind divorce because he is happy with his side chick and he has been saying the marriage is done, so what am I holding on for?) or continue in the marriage while both spouses find pleasure outside the marriage?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Huh, speechless. You are wearing the shoes my sister so you know where it hurts.

    It is better you find another,this is my opinion because you cannot continue in a loveless marriage,a marriage without love making and meanwhile he is enjoying himself with another.

    I believe both of you didn’t court for long,there was no sincere love between the two of you when you were courting.

    Stop seeing the doctor especially now that you are still married,it is better you go your separate ways now that the marriage is still very young.

    It is well,this life is too sweet and short to be enduring with a man without conscience.

  2. Don’t push blame to your husband, you committed adultery out of your own choice. Cheating can never be a mistake it is a planned intentional wicked act.

    Tell you husband you have been cheating, let him decide.

    It’s unfortunate, we see adultery as no big deal. I wish you know the consequence of adultery, to read proverbs chapters 5,6 and 7. You will get a glimpse of it.

    Adultery is a FAST ROAD TO HELL.

    I wish you well sister. Stop committing adultery but I doubt you will stop.


  3. Dear Poster,

    This is not an easy path of marriage but you are not alone. Many newly weds experience this struggle especially those who married as virgins.

    That is why sexual education….not practicalisation is required when you are about to marry.

    Having a small vagina or big penis is not an issue: the most important thing is how to work with whatever size God has given you. The doctor knows how to work the size matter and that is why he has been able to do.

    Size does not really matter. Even if your husband had a small penis, what is important is, learn the art of sexual stimulation and pleasure in marriage.

    In marriage, the goal is not just to have sex. The goal is to bring pleasure. To arrive at that pleasure is not as simple as turning a car engine. You need to work that car…you need to oil it…service it, water it….check the water level….make sure its clean ,…make sure its happy….yes..that too.

    Sex is 90% psychology and 10% physical, What that means is that….you and your spouse need to work on your arousal techniques. Only wish your husband is patient enough to learn how to work with his size and your size.

    With the way things have gone, I would advise you and your husband register with a sex coach, there are many of them now. That will be very helpful. You both have a life time to experience…be patient with each other. You are both legally allowed to explore ….and do not be in a rush.

    Some couples never really enjoyed sex until the 4th or even 5th year of marriage. You need to be patient….marriage is not all about penetrative sex…there is other things to do too in the bedroom. Explore and explore and yes….explore. No limits as far as both of you are happy with it.

    You must not be compatible with your spouse…no one was born with compatibility. You work on your compatibility. Its a myth. Talk to each other. Talk about your feelings, your vulnerabilities. Your fears. Talk about what you are willing to compromise.

    Even if you need surgery…that should be the very last option. You need to try alot of other things first. Its not time to give up. If your husband is willing to meet with the sex coach, you should also consider marriage counselling…your communication needs help as well. In fact, start with marriage counselling…work on your communication and after that…see a sex coach.

    I believe these two suggestions with work. Of course with a lot of praying and faith and patience and love…you will be fine.

    Do not give up on your husband…pray for him and talk to him lovingly. All those distractions will go and your marriage will work out in Jesus Christ name.


    Best Wishes,


  4. PS. Do not listen to your sister inlaw….she is giving you illegal advise.

    You can do better.

    Wishing you courage and all the best results in the end.



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