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True Life Story: Age Gap Criticism Has Landed Me In A Relationship Mess


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True Life Story: Age Gap Criticism Has Landed Me In A Relationship Mess

Dear Lively Stones,

My name is Anita (not real name). I just need your advice if you dont mind, keep me anonymous. I am a 30 year old lady. I am into events planning, catering and interior decorations. I have never been a serious relationship all my life. I have been unlucky, that guys love to sleep with me, but none has ever proposed marriage. I am very successful at what I do…I have big clients and I can take care of myself.

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Its always been desire to get marriage at 30…like most girls but as life turns out…I do not even have a boyfriend at 30. Don’t get me wrong…I get a lot of men chasing me but its just that ….none has lasted long enough to lead to marriage. The questions have started now…from friends and family…when am I going to marry. This is because everyone knows that I have always said, I want to be married by 30.

My relationship, there is no sacrifice I did not do to make it last. I was sponsoring the guy sef. Until the n*gga cheat on me with one of my workers. I have been celibate and single since. Until Last year. I met a 54 year old man. He is a widower…his children are all grown and relocated abroad with their families. Well, he was at one of the events I planned that we met.

This fine wine looking elderly man said to me…are you the caterer who cooked this gorgeous food at this party…I said yes….he said…you remind me of my late wife’s cooking. And the rest is history…we struck a cord…became friends…and before long….he was toasting me…at first…I did not think we would work but I find myself very comfortable with him. This man makes me laugh and happy….he knows I want to get married and he wants to remarry too…

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So, he proposed and I said yes to his proposal. It was after that the whole world started to judge me…that I am a gold digger…that he is too old for me….can he get me pregnant at his age…what if he dies way earlier than me…that the man just wants a woman that will take care of him in old age….as it is….my family is not in support…they think I am under spiritual influence for wanting to marry an elderly man.

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Me and my man are really very happy together…but it seems the whole world was against us from the time he proposed….so we had to break up. I broke up with him. It was not an easy break up. I was so sad….in my sadness….I made a wrong decision….I slept with an ex…I was just looking for comfort…not that I wanted to go back to my ex….no….not at all. And after that, me and my elderly man somehow found our way back to each other cos we realize wee love each other too much. We decided to get married with or without family consent.

Interestingly….our family finally agreed to our marriage. My auntie even said a pastor gave her prophesy that this is my husband….so we started to plan a wedding for this coming March….two weeks ago,….I discovered I am pregnant. I am so scared cos…I slept with my ex during our break up…now…I do not know who the father of this pregnancy is…the time I had s3x with my ex was early December….I am two months pregnant….I rekindled my love with my man this new year. Please help me….what should I do?

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All signs show the pregnancy is for my ex….or is it possible is for my man? how do I handle this? Should I abort it? I am 30 years old….is that a good decision for a woman my age? And if I don’t abort….should I tell my man or just pin the pregnancy on him ? If I tell him…he may never understand that I slept with an ex who is a younger man cos his greatest fear is that if we get married…I may leave him for a younger man….and that I have always assured him that will not happen.

And then…here am I…pregnant for my ex….a much younger man…how do I explain this? What should I do? I do not want to loose my man….he is perfect for me. Help me please.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You made a mistake by going back to your ex,why listen to what the world is saying? The same people were asking you,when you will marry,the same people are saying the man is old for you,the same people has agreed that you guys can go ahead,this life sef.

    As long as you are happy with the man ,please go ahead. You have to abort the baby,that is the only way you can be clean and free from paternity fraud.

    Yes,you have to abort. It’s so clear your Ex is the father of the baby,so abort please, because you can’t pin that child on your husband,never. OR

    You cancel the marriage,have the baby and inform your ex about his child,please choose one. The ball is now in your court,how could you have gone back to your ex and you didn’t use rain coat,now see the heavy rain that has fallen,ehhhh.

    It is well with you oooo

  2. It pisses me off when I see people go back to their ex. Things didn’t work out that’s the reason an ex is called an ex. Going back to someone that it didn’t work out with doesn’t make sense. Dear poster, please abort the pregnancy as soon as possible. age is just a number what matters is your love for each other. Please abort the pregnancy do not lose your husband because of a sily mistake that can be corrected now.
    My thoughts

  3. A lot of women in ur situation would pin the pregnancy to the old man,but I don’t believe that’s a good idea , because if u truly love the man then u have to be sincere .

    I know alot would not agree with what I am about to say ,but u have to be truthful ,there is no greater sin a woman can do than to give a bastard of a child to another man , this is seared wickedness .

    lady ,summon courage and be sincere to the old man ,if he truly loves u he wouldn’t mind ,but if u pin the pregnancy to the man u are Wicked ,and u should be willing to bear the consequences ,there Is no lie that would not be exposed ,.

    be sincere to ur man tell him about the whole thing ,u can’t build relationships on lies ,I tell u if he really loves u ,ur unborn child would not hinder his love for u .

    i say this because i am a male and I know to a large extent what my friends have been willing to forgive in their women just to make the relationship work .

    if he leaves u trust me u would get another man ,I bet u .

  4. Know this for sure….. that every good and great plans of God towards our Blessings and Peace of mind ……will always be attacked by friends and families; devil will rage and declare wars against you to fail and miss the blessing.

    People make mistakes. We all do. What I can suggest is that you should humble yourself and prayerfully approach this man …. confess to him. Yes, confess to him and ask for his forgiveness. Because you have ask God to forgive you first, God will intervene and grant you mercy and favor before your man

    I am saying this because I can read it that you love and wish to be married to this man. Shit happens but trust God for good outcome of this

    Peace #


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