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True Life Story: All I Want For Valentine Is To Stop Feeling Lonely

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True Life Story: All I Want For Valentine Is To Stop Feeling Lonely

Dear Lively Stones,

Please hide my identity. I am feeling weak and I need someone to help me resist this temptation and loneliness that I feel every valentine. Every year, as valentine draws near, I start reading articles on how to avoid being lonely on valentines but nothing is helping. I am a single mother, divorced three years ago, marriage ended because hubby wanted to travel out and did not tell me his plan was to marry a European woman to solidify his stay. Two years after his master program in Europe, I saw his wedding pictures online, I was heartbroken and filed for divorce.

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I still love him but he broke my heart, I cannot share my man with any woman, even if its for the sake of permanent stay status. That was three years ago, since I been divorced, things have not been easy. Even dating again is tough. Most guys once they know you have a child, they want to sleep with you but no commitment. My mantra has always been, I will not sleep with any man that will not put a ring on it.

However, its been three years and I am getting really weak. I need a man. I am beginning to shake in my beliefs. I just want a man to hold me and tell me everything will be alright even if its a lie. There is this guy that is in my office, we are very good friends but I noticed he flirts with me sometimes. Last year, his wife and family relocated to UK. That even made his flirting with me more serious. But I used to tell him nothing can ever happen with me and him cos I cannot do to another woman what my husband did to me.

This guy told me that I should not bother about the wife cos no woman should expect a man to stay without s3x for more than a few days not to talk of months. That his wife knows who she married and she is not going to do anything even if she finds out. But I still maintained, I cannot be with a married man. He laughs at me when I tell him I am waiting for my own man…he will be like, I should stop acting naive….and enjoy my life.

Last week, this guy asked me to be his val. I as usual told him as usual to get lost but two days later, he sent me an envelop, when I opened it, it was a weekend away in a five star hotel in Lagos. Actually, a ticket to spend the weekend in Radisson Blu Anchorage. I was so tempted, this is the life I always wanted, a life of pampering. I have been alone for three years, I miss a man showering me his attention. With everything within me, I thanked him and told him I could not do this to his wife. He laughed again and said I am being naive that if I refuse, another woman will enjoy it with him.

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You see, alot of people dont take vows or relationship serious anymore. I used to be that person that holds vows so serious. That is why I am divorced today. I left my husband cos he did not take his vows serious. But no one told me there is no love on the streets. Only f#ckers are in the street, everyone is all about hook up now. I feel so sad and lost. I see people laughing at me behind my back that I will grow old and no one will want me since I am being choosy about who I want to be with now. Some even mock me for leaving my ex husband cos he married a European.

Valentine is one celebration that makes me very emotional because eight years ago, it was the day my ex husband proposed to me. I am a romantic and it really makes me cry that another valentine is coming and there is no man to call my own. This morning, around 6am, I got a call from my ex husband. I could not believe he was calling me after three years, and on a valentine’s day.

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When I picked up the call…he started by asking how I am,…how is our son, even though he has not called his son since Christams. He was very calm and very emotional and he was apologizing to me, that he messed things up and he wishes me to forgive him, that he cannot stop thinking of me, especially since it valentine and he is remembering how he proposed to me many years ago. He talked about he remembers how he used to make love to me and all that lovey dovey stuff we used to do.

I then realized the call was to make me crawl back to him or feel regret but asked him to stop calling me but after I dropped the call, I started crying. This man knows how valentine triggers me. His call made me feel so worse. I wanted to stay at home and cry but I braced myself to go to work. At work, I was so sad. I stayed glued to my computer with my shades on so no one would notice. But my colleague that wants to take me out on a val date noticed. He sent me a chat and asked me what happened to me. As I read his chat and just broke down.

I had to leave to the ladies to cry. A few people noticed but I told them I was not feeling fine. When I got back to my desk, I packed my things, and decided to close for the day, to go home and cry on my own. Then my colleague sent a text and said he wants to take me to dinner by 7pm today. As I am now, I have not responded to his text but everything in me wants to respond and say yes. I want to say yes because I want to be held by a real man who cares for me and a man who will comfort me in this heartbreak.

I am tired of being heartbroken. I am tired of waiting for a perfect man to come. Today is valentine. I want to feel loved…is that so wrong? I feel bad cos my colleague is married but what if the wife is catching her fun while she is in UK…I mean, its val’s today…..her husband should be showering her with love messages and all …yet he is begging me to go to dinner with him…

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That dinner will lead to s3x…I so badly want it to lead to s3x…please forgive my lust but I am being honest….I feel there is no point trying to pretend I am strong and ok when I am not….I am breaking down….I am no longer a virgin or waiting for marriage to have s3x…I think I am ready to accept the reality of my situation. realize I am talking cos I am weak but what else do you expect? I am being faced with temptation and I have no better option than to cry in my bed alone and think of my ex tonight and remember how I used to be the love of his life…no…enough of self pity.

I want to put myself first….I deserve to be happy…even if its for tonight yea…All my friends are married and I am the only one that is divorced and with no man in sight….I feel like I would do anything just to feel warm and in the arms of a real human man tonight, just to feel good again….maybe just for tonight only….after all…its just for val….I may feel better tomorrow or feel bad…who knows….is it really adultery when two grown adults consent to s3x just to feel good? No wonder people cheat without thinking too much about it. I think my problem is that I am too naive or old school or too sensitive.

Looking at the text I got for dinner this night ….I am still crying. I know there are some people in this situation as me….some may be strong to say no but some like me…we are tired of fighting…its too tough to continue to remain strong and noble….I need help.

 

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Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Everything in you wants to go and I understand but have you thought about the consequences.
    If you start sleeping with him, how will you relate with him at work.
    What about your mind, will it be at rest.
    The only thing you will get from this relationship is a nice guy but that is all he can offer you. Don’t think too deep about all this romantics, it will fade away and your eye will be clear.
    So know what any why you are doing if you decide to go and brace your mind.
    It will be sweet, you will enjoy it but you will feel terrible afterwards because you are not that person that believes it is okay to sleep with a married man.

  2. be careful that you are not acting or having sex out of anger. Anger only consumes the angry, not the person who made you angry. Remember that.

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